Depending on how all this shakes out, some lucky warden might have one helluva prison baseball team.
Barry Bonds at DH. Miguel Tejada at shortstop. Roger Clemens on the mound. Knowing Bonds, he'd insist on solitary confinement and never warm up with the rest of the cons, but what else is new?
Anyway, this is what happens when the feds think you've lied to them. They go Terminator on you and don't stop until you're getting deloused in a holding cell.
AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais/Susan Walsh
Roger Clemens as he faced a congressional committee on Feb. 13.
Bonds has been charged with four counts of perjury and one count of obstruction of justice. His defense team wants the case dismissed because there was a typo in the government's recent legal filing. If that doesn't work, Bonds' lawyers will accuse the feds of ampersand laundering.
Tejada is the subject of a preliminary federal inquiry into allegations that he lied to a congressional committee. The Houston Astros, who collect these guys like baseball cards, immediately announced plans for a "Plea Bargain Night" promotion.
Clemens, who is used to pinstripes, is next on the Justice Department's to-do list. On Wednesday, Congress asked the agency to investigate whether Clemens "committed perjury and made knowingly false statements."
Clemens has only himself to blame. In less than three months, Clemens has y'all-ed his way into more corners than a folded flag.
Remember a movie last year called "Reservation Road"? The poster tagline read: "To find the truth, you have to find who's hiding it."
Clemens hid the truth. He didn't hide it very well, which is why IRS special agent Jeff Novitzky of BALCO fame is now Clemens' worst nightmare. Let the lip licking begin.
Novitzky is a grinder who has already put away Olympian Marion Jones and former NFL defensive player of the year Dana Stubblefield. So the idea that Clemens will "eat his lunch," as Team Clemens attorney Rusty Hardin so ham-handedly put it, is beyond hilarious. Clemens got his clock cleaned by little, gavel-waving Rep. Henry Waxman of California. Just wait until Novitzky starts dumpster diving into his life.
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ESPN - Clemens has given feds plenty to work with - Columnist