[LightningRod]

The Detroit papers are on a roll today.

The Big Game from a Spartan's point of view

September 30, 2005

Thoughts on the Big Game from a Spartan's point of view:

WHY MSU WILL WIN

•1) We beat Notre Dame; Michigan lost to Notre Dame. It's simple math (though Wolverines fans might not get it).

•2) Michigan won't figure out how to stop a running quarterback until the year 2017.

•3) After three losses in a row, it's time for the Spartans to win. And if it isn't that time, we'll bring back our timekeeper to make sure.

BY THE NUMBERS

30,474: Fewer seats at Spartan Stadium than at Michigan Stadium. Then why does it seem louder?

TEST YOUR U-M KNOWLEDGE

Which TV show best describes Michigan right now?

A) "Lost" (they can't get off conservative island).

B) "Desperate Housewives" (Nicollette Sheridan might be a better coach).

C) "Rescue Me" (Lloyd Carr under fire).

D) All of the above.

Answer: D.

JUST KIDDING

•U-M's playbook is so bankrupt, even Northwest Airlines feels rich.

•What do Donald Trump and U-M athletic director Bill Martin have in common? Both will be saying, "You're fired!" this season.

•Did you hear? Michigan football is in a state of emergency! Don't worry, Wolverines fans. We hear FEMA will be coming soon.

•Actually, Spartans fans are worried this weekend -- about looking ahead to the real tough game against Ohio State.

SOUNDOFF

What you might hear if MSU wins:

•"Drew's Your Daddy!" And they're not talking about Drew Sharp (Michigan grad).

•Roses will bloom in East Lansing!

•Wow, a football and basketball sweep. It can't get any better.

The perfect Saturday for a Michigan State fan

8 a.m.: Pack up the family and head to Spartan Stadium.

8:30: Pass by homeless guy. "Kids, this is how you'll end up if you get a U-M education."

8:45: Pass by ugly person. "Kids, this is how you'll end up if you get a U-M education."

9: Plant block "S" flag in middle of some U-M fans tailgating.

10: ESPN breaking news. A Michigan player flashed what outside his apartment?

Noon: Kickoff. Kyle Brown runs it back for a touchdown.

3 p.m.: Drew Stanton clinches Heisman Trophy in fifth game of season after he runs for 1,257 yards. "That's criminal!" Frank Beckmann and Jim Brandstatter yell on the radio.

5:30: Listen to Michigan fans on the radio whine about the play-calling and officiating.

6: Arrive home, watch tape of game to relive experience.

11: Plan Rose Bowl trip.

Midnight: Forget about Michigan until basketball season (when you can relive this day all over again).

FROM THE FANS

•U-M people are a bunch of crybabies. What's this crap about firing Lloyd Carr? What is he, 69-17 in the Big Ten or something like that? Quit your (complaining) people. It's about time you have a down year. GO STATE!! Brian Forkner, East Rutherford, N.J.

•I heard Bo Schembechler was moving back to Ann Arbor. ... He really wants to get away from organized sports! Chris Boudreau, Dearborn.