Hello Buckeye Friends and Family-
Buckeye Magnets are attached to car doors, OSU Flags Flying proudly from garages everywhere, chants of O-H-I-O flowing from up and down High Street, and Coach D. is dusting off the laptop. All signs that the BUCKEYES are back in town-
I can only imagine the anxiety that you are all feeling: Will the Buckeyes reach the Rose Bowl? Are we really as good as the 2002 team? Will Teddy “Touchdown� Ginn live up to the hype? Is Coach D going to continue his weekly rants and raves before each game? For the answers to these questions- I turn to a quote from my 3 year-old son- “You’re damn right!� I’d like to hear the kid with a hearing aid on
Barney say that!!
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This email will mark the fourth season that you have been subjected to my whacked out views and thoughts. I have received countless emails trying to figure out: Who are you? Where are you from? What the hell is wrong with you? So- here you are…….I was raised by a warm, glowing box made of metal, glass, and wood. No- I am not talking about some magical robot vagina. I am talking about television. However, of all the TV characters that raised me, there are a few in particular that made me the man I am today.<O
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- <LI class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in">MacGyver- Taught me how to get a lady pregnant with a condom, a bucket of oysters, and a pair of scissors. <LI class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in">Optimus Prime from The Transformers- Taught me bravery, leadership, and how to turn into a kick-ass truck. <LI class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in">Tony Miceli of Who’s the Boss?- Showed me its not gay to do housework- as long as your poor. By the way, was he totally doing Angela or what? <LI class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in">Dylan McKay of Beverly Hills 90210- Taught me how to leave a wicked cool outgoing message on my answering machine: “Hey this is D- I’m not here..You know the drill!� <LI class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in">Jo from The facts of Life- Taught me that women can be men too. <LI class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in">Airwolf- That sophisticated battle helicopter gave me my first erection. Still have not figured that one out. <LI class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in">Arthur Fonzarelli- Smoking is not cool, never mess with turkeys, and if you wear a leather jacket you are impervious to STD’s.
- K.I.T.T from KnightRider-Proved that the Pontiac Trans-Am is not only cheesy- but gay! (The only talking car with a lisp)
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So, there you are… a little look into the clouded brain of Coach D.<O
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Now- on to business! The foe of the week is a viable foe from southern Ohio- The Miami University Redhawks. Now, I don’t want to say that this game is going to be a walk in the park- However, lets be honest here, the Redhawks have about as much chance of winning as NBC green-lighting a new series called
CSI- Sesame Street…I can see it now- Bert waking up from an all night bender with Ernie begging him not to answer the homicide call and complaining that he has been drinking too much. Then, Bert yelling at Ernie for eating cookies in bed and being a drama queen.<O
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Oh Dear God- where have I gone? Anyway- going back to the Buckeyes….You can fully expect the defense to come out with the ferocity of Hurricane Katrina. I can hear it now- The excited voice of Paul Keels belting out- “To the 40-30-20-10 TOUCHDOWN A.J. Hawk after administering a HUGE hit causing the fumble. How about that???�<O
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Hopefully I will see everyone at the usual tailgate spot: The East lot next to the stadium- just east of the Jessie Owens Memorial on the end. (Thanks to the immortal and gracious FROSTY) Look for a Black Expedition, a silver Durango and the blow up 9’ Brutus. I leave you all with a quote from Homer Simpson- “God Bless those Pegans� Ohio State 42- Miami 10<O
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Go Bucks and Yea-Ohio,<O
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Coach D.<O></O>
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