OBSERVATIONS FROM C DECK - MINNIE

[Oh8ch]

1. SHUTOUT

When I wrote the first of these threads a couple of years ago I titled it "observations". The idea was to share my unique insights (me being so clever and all) on the game. Things I saw others might have missed. A lot of folks chimed in because everyone is uniquely clever and has observations of their own. So here is an observations in case you missed it - we shutout Minnesota yesterday.

According to Webster a shutout is "a game or contest in which one side fails to score".

Webster of course needs to revise their definition. A shutout is also a game or contest in which your opponent's longest drive is 7 plays and 34 yards.

A shutout is a game or contest in which your opponent crosses your 46 twice - and both times are on fumbles when you gave them the ball inside your own 46 - and they still fail to score. It is a game or contest in which you fumble twice consecutively and they still fail to score.

A shutout is a game or contest in which your opponent's longest play (rushing or receiving) is 14 yards. Even when they are desperate and trying to make up a huge deficit - 14 yards. (That your team has 6 different players who either rushed or caught a pass longer than 14 yards (one player did both) is not necessary for a shutout. But it is nice.)

Then again, being a person of few words, if I were Webster I would simply have said that a shutout is a game or contest in which your opponent gets their ass handed to them.

They were banged up and they were bad - but it was a shutout and it was sweet.


2. IT WAS COLD

The hardest part of getting ready for Saturday's cold was having the discipline to take with you from your car everything you needed to stay warm. On a day when the temp at game time was above 50 that included ear muffs, gloves and long underwear.

It was cold. And it was windy. And it was amazing how many folks stayed till the end to see what Webster defines as a shutout. I did. And I was cold. But I was glad I did.


3. THE NEW POLLS ARE OUT

OSU is still number one and Michigan is second. However, in an effort to more accurately reflect the reality of the situation pollsters have left the next three spaces blank.


4. LET'S PLAY MICHIGAN ALREADY

This stretch of games is starting to make me crazy. You know - the six games between Iowa and Michigan. The ones we just have to show up for. The ones where we have little to gain and everything to lose.

I know that is blasphemy. One game at a time, blah blah blah... And that is true. I haven't forgotten MSU in 1998.

But it is easier for the players. They get graded every week. There will be kids who had failing grades in a 44-0 romp of the Golden Goophers. They get to focus on specific improvements and work hard to get better - every week.

What are we supposed to do? Eat practice nachos? High-five everyone we meet? Constantly rethread our Buckeye necklaces? Yell at the top of our lungs everywhere we go - even when we are supposed to be using our inside voices?

I try, but I can't make myself lay awake on Friday night. I can eat nachos for breakfast and I still don't get a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. I've read the book - I know how it is going to end.

It's not that I don't love watching us dismantle the bottom dwellers of the conference. But it is like watching the Academy Awards where they give out the "Best Score for an Animated Foreign Film" followed by the "Best Costume for an Actress Portraying a British Monarch in the Nude". All I really want to know is who got Best Picture. (Well, maybe a quick clip of that costume thing).

You can't relax after these games. There is no closure. Nothing really counts till we win on November 18th. Fail to win that and all these games are just part of our "easy schedule".

So instead of enjoying myself, every time I see a player down on the field I cringe. Will they be back for Michigan? Why on earth does JT have Small in there with such a big lead? Protect him! Wait - why is Zwick in for Smith? Is Smith hurt? Where is Ginn? Is it the toe? Not the toe! Why isn't Pitcock starting? How come Mo Wells isn't back in? Where is Mo Wells?? We can't lose Mo Wells before the Michigan game!!!

And God forbid you look over at the sideline and see Gonzo in street clothes. DON'T DO THAT TRESSEL!! Keep him in uniform unless you are going to make a PA announcement and clue us all in that it is just a minor concussion. (Only in football can you use a phrase like "minor concussion" to mean a good thing.)

So let's play Michigan already. Then we can savor these other games the way they were meant to be enjoyed.



5. HOMAN

Seven tackles - all in the last 20 minutes of the game.


6. THE OLD DAYS

Whenever we play Minnesota I always recall a story my Dad used to tell me.

He grew up in Minneapolis and went to the Minnesota games in the 1930s. He was at one of those games where the refs had just taken a measurement and the Gophers were inches short of a first down. The next play they were offside - walk off five yards against Minnesota. But the following play the Defense is offside - walk off five yards the other way.

So what does Minnesota do next? They asked for another measurement.

First down Gophers! (I know some of you don't want to believe that could stand, but "home field" advantage used to be a lot different 70 years ago.)

This is a far cry from yellow lines that are never wrong.

(Speaking of which - how long before that computer generated strike zone replaces the home plate umpire in baseball?)


7. BEANIE

As mentioned above I cringe every time somebody doesn't pop right back up after a play. But yesterday I though we had lost Beanie for the Michigan game without any injury. He simply can't keep putting the ball on the ground.

Granted, he came back in and when he did I saw piles moving like I haven't seen since Jim Brown. But even then you could see him cradling the ball in one arm.

He is a beast - but he is making me crazy. And I don't need it - not with this six game stretch and all.


8. NACHO REPORT

Did I mention it was windy?

Sitting in the front row of C Deck I had fun watching the folks below me coming back from the concession stand with popcorn. It looked like they were feeding pigeons - popcorn blowing everywhere. (I also had fun watching folks who were standing in that front row at any given time make desperation grabs for the railing when a gust of wind caught them just right.)

So I am sorry, but there is no nacho report today. The cheese gets cold and they blow all over hell. And I am NOT going to cower in the shelter behind the stands, scarfing down nachos and nutritious cheese food product - not in the middle of a shutout or while Jack is dotting the "i". It was the same old yellow gunk the consistency of axle grease and stale chips as always - they just hit the spot at a football game. I don't have a problem with Nacnos. I can quit anytime I want. OK?


9. GINN REVERSE

Doesn't it seem like when his primary receiver is covered he just takes off?


10. HEISMAN RACE

Did you know that Notre Dame has attempted only two passes all season by anyone other than Brady Quinn? And one of those was by Jeff Samardzija (no relation to Coach Mike "nobody can spell my last name either" of Duke).

And how about Troy - running as well as I have seen him all season. Scary good.


11. QUOTE OF THE WEEK

"How did we get jumped by three blank spaces? We beat Navy and Navy beat the Japs for nuts sake. How does that work? Tell me that, huh. Cause I'm befuddled. I don't understand how that works. And how does a gastric bypass work? Huh, tell me that? Cause I'm befuddled."


12. JACK

What a thrill to see Jack dot the "i". A true "I was there when..." moment.

But as much as I enjoyed it, it did not bring a tear to my eye.


13. WOODY

(Correcting an oversight from last week.)

Last week at half time OSU introduced the charter members of the "Pay It Forward" club. As part of the ceremony they played a clip of Woody addressing a commencement and talking about "paying it forward".

His sincerity and passion for what he was saying were palpable - even through a jumbotron.

THAT brought a tear to my eye.

I miss Woody. He was so much more than "the coach who slugged a player" every fan from every other team wants to remind us of every chance they get.

"I was there"... when Woody coached too.


14. DST

I hate Daylight Savings Time.

I need to apologize if any of this post is incoherent (or at least more so than normal). But I didn't sleep well last night. I go through this every year.

To begin with I did not get to bed till late. Then, at 2:00 AM the alarm goes off so I can dutifully set the clocks back as instructed on the news.

With all the electronic gadgetry we all own that takes nearly 45 minutes. So I have just gone back to sleep when the alarm goes off again! Which makes sense, because it is once more 2:00.

Now I don't know what to do. It seems logical that if I keep setting the clocks back I will end up in an endless loop. I finally convince myself that I am OK in just doing it the one time, but by then almost another hour has passed and the uncertainty of it all keeps me from getting into that deep REM sleep where I can have those dreams I enjoy - the ones with Julia Roberts getting the academy award for Best Costume for an Actress Portraying a British Monarch in the Nude. (Unfortunately it is usually a production of Henry VIII where the special effects folks nail it).

And for all this I am convinced that the extra hour of sunlight all summer is one of the things that has been giving me problems with my lawn.

I hate Daylight Savings Time.


15. KICKING GAME

I have been hammering on our kick offs the past few weeks, so a mea culpa is in order. Eight kickoffs yesterday and all but two made the end zone. And they couldn't all have been aided by that, swirling, nacho suppressing wind.

I will give Pettrey a pass on the extra point block - let the coaches sort that one out when they do their grading (I will be busy rethreading my buckeyes).

I also found it interesting that in the first half Minnesota kicked off to us and it took us 4:01 to score.

In the second half we kicked off to Minnesota and it took us 2:19 to score. Maybe Pettrey is a better offensive weapon that I give him credit for.


13. THIS WEEKS "WINNING POINT"

Last week I talked about when we scored our "winning point" - a stat that I think is an interesting indicator of dominance.

Yesterday it came at 10:59 of the first quarter. On average this season we have scored the last point we needed to win the game 4 minutes and 14 seconds into the second quarter. On average we don't need our Offense to score for two thirds of the game.


16. CHAMPAIGN

Snake pit. It's a trap waiting to be sprung. Best team on a four game losing streak you may ever see. Young and getting better each week. Eager and confident - just like Indiana. I warned you about Indiana!

OK, not good enough to beat us. But this could be our biggest challenge to date. They might hand around till the end of the third quarter - maybe longer.

Don't forget, this one is on the road and you know how we have been playing on the road this season.

Oh yeah, I forgot. We'll cream 'em.

What is it we still need to prove? Can we play Michigan now?


17. SCORING DEFENSE

The top three teams in scoring defense in the country did not give up a single point among them Saturday.

Two of those teams did not play.

We now lead nationally in scoring average by a full point and have tied Western Michigan for the lead in interceptions.

And I just saw where yesterday's three fumbles (the low point of an otherwise fun filled afternoon) gives us nine turnovers for the season. And how many points have our opponents scored off of those turnovers?

Zero. Now there is a stat for you. Zero points off of turnovers in 9 games.


All that said, let me swallow hard and give credit where it is due. I have always felt that the single most significant defensive stat is rushing yards allowed. Nationally Michigan leads. By a lot. Twenty-eight yards per game in fact. Wow.

Texas is second at 41 yards. And no way do we beat Texas.

At least not until 16 seconds before half time.


18. IFOUNDTHESTASH

EveryyearmywifehidestheHalloweencandyWeusedtobuyit inSeptemberandthenhavetoreplaceitinmidOctoberandth enagainrightbeforebeggarsnightwhenthegoodcandywasa llgonethenshestartedhidingitwelltodayIfoundthestas handIamonasugarhightobeatallsugarhighs.Wooeee!!!!T imetogocandyshopping.

[OSUBuckeye4Life]

Originally Posted by Oh8ch

18. IFOUNDTHESTASH

EveryyearmywifehidestheHalloweencandyWeusedtobuyit inSeptemberandthenhavetoreplaceitinmidOctoberandth enagainrightbeforebeggarsnightwhenthegoodcandywasa llgonethenshestartedhidingitwelltodayIfoundthestas handIamonasugarhightobeatallsugarhighs.Wooeee!!!!T imetogocandyshopping.

Greenies as usual........

[NFBuck]

Great stuff as always Oh8ch.

[Taosman]

We, who are about to die, salute you!

[BuckeyeRyn]

Terrific post, as always!

[lvbuckeye]

Originally Posted by Oh8ch

14. DST

I hate Daylight Savings Time.

I need to apologize if any of this post is incoherent (or at least more so than normal). But I didn't sleep well last night. I go through this every year.

To begin with I did not get to bed till late. Then, at 2:00 AM the alarm goes off so I can dutifully set the clocks back as instructed on the news.

With all the electronic gadgetry we all own that takes nearly 45 minutes. So I have just gone back to sleep when the alarm goes off again! Which makes sense, because it is once more 2:00.

you know, they just picked 2:00 because it's an arbitrary time in the middle of the night when most sane folks are asleep...they could make it 1:48 or 3:42- it wouldn't make any difference. so the best thing to do is just set it back right before you go to bed and be done with it...

[bucknut4life]

love it...as always, great post

[cincibuck]

Originally Posted by Oh8ch

When I wrote the first of these threads a couple of years ago I titled it "observations". The idea was to share my unique insights (me being so clever and all) on the game.

Go ahead, take a bow. Your stuff is better than most of the OSU stories I see posted by "professionals." Or, as is usually the case here in Cincinnati, Tristate... they seceeded from Ohio years ago and just haven't bothered to fill out the paper work... ripped from the AP wire and shuffled off to page 2.

[cincibuck]

"... he came back in and when he did I saw piles moving like I haven't seen since Jim Brown."


Then you obviously did not see Bob Freguson play... or Matt Snell ... or Bob White. Especially Ferguson. The 62 Makio ran a photo spread of him in which it took five TCU players piling on to finally bring him down after he had carried the pile for eight yards.

[Best Buckeye]

A great post. I'm all out of greeenies right now , I'll owe you.

[OSUsushichic]

[Muck]

Originally Posted by lvbuckeye

you know, they just picked 2:00 because it's an arbitrary time in the middle of the night when most sane folks are asleep...they could make it 1:48 or 3:42- it wouldn't make any difference. so the best thing to do is just set it back right before you go to bed and be done with it...

I was thinking the same thing.

Of course the only clock I have these days that doesn't set itself for daylight savings time is in my car...

[BB73]

I'm bored also. You are producing these witty and astute commentaries on an all-too-consistent basis.

Another week, another GPA for the 'Observations'. Ho-hum.

But at least I don't have to go digging this week.

[iambrutus]

yet another great report!

[DaddyBigBucks]

Maybe you DON'T need nachos to do great reports.

Load up on the nachos on the 18th though. No need taking unnecessary risks.