Jay Paterno - Offensive mastermind?

[BuckWrestler141]

Scout.com: Penn State Forums List

You be the judge

[OH10]

Come one now... Only Jay Paterno could turn the #1 recruit in the country (Williams) into a borderline 4th-round draft pick.

[GoodLifeSean]

Oh the Spread HD... at Penn State, beyond being a tacky wording that's like
BTN HD on my 1987 POS tv... Oh Jay Jay. Proof that sometimes the apple falls quite far from the tree.

[sandgk]

That is absolutely classic - someone send that to Pryor's dad immediately

My favorite part is the series of signed photos from John Cappelletti ..

Anyone who has read the article in the Collegian knows that Jay developed his love of the game at an early age. Using Lincoln Logs, Jay first schemed up ways to defeat those dirty, nasty little chess pieces. The Lincoln Log that represented Jay's hero John Cappelletti was the most dominant, and Jay spent the hours between games writing "letters" to his hero. Initially touched by this, John sent Jay a signed picture that now hangs from his office wall:


Taking this gift as a sign of encouragement, Jay responded by writing dozens of additional letters, which his father dutifully delivered to the running back. John responded by sending another signed picture:


Failing to grasp that fact that enough was enough, Jay sometimes wrote over 50 more letters a day. His hero then sent Jay one final picture:

Go play in traffic

[BuckWrestler141]

For those too lazy to click the link:

Last week, the world of college football was blown away by Jay Paterno's announcement of the new "Spread HD" offense. Some of the greatest minds of the game were mesmerized. Norm Chow wondered how he could have missed developing this. Steve Spurrier almost messed his hair up. Charlie Weis ordered a third "extra value" meal. Bear Bryant rolled over in his grave. Collectively, all of them (except Bear) wondered the same thought ? how did this young upstart become such an offensive genius? After extensive research, I am now able to shed some light on the evolution of Jay Paterno, football genius. Now you can see how he went from this:


To:


Anyone who has read the article in the Collegian knows that Jay developed his love of the game at an early age. Using Lincoln Logs, Jay first schemed up ways to defeat those dirty, nasty little chess pieces. The Lincoln Log that represented Jay's hero John Cappelletti was the most dominant, and Jay spent the hours between games writing "letters" to his hero. Initially touched by this, John sent Jay a signed picture that now hangs from his office wall:


Taking this gift as a sign of encouragement, Jay responded by writing dozens of additional letters, which his father dutifully delivered to the running back. John responded by sending another signed picture:


Failing to grasp that fact that enough was enough, Jay sometimes wrote over 50 more letters a day. His hero then sent Jay one final picture:


One thing was clear: Jay loved football. Although coaching consumed most of JoePa's hours, he'd occasionally find time to toss the old pigskin around with his son. Jay is seen here after his father told him to grab his football gear so that they could play out in thte yard. Being a few fries short of a happy meal, Jay dutifully grabbed his baseball bat, a toy car, and a stuffed animal, known only as "Mister Boopykins"


Here's a closeup of "Mister Boopykins"


The only thing that came close to matching Jay's love of football was Jay's love of games about football. One of Jay's earliest favorite toys was the classic "electric football" game, which featured 22 players randomly moving around a metal field that vibrated due to a motor beneath the playing surface. Many of you will remember this classic game, seen below:


Jay has told his closest friends that he plans to install a giant motor beneath Beaver Stadium once he becomes the head coach. After he found out just how much this would cost, Jay has revised his plans and has begun purchasing vibrators from a woman in Bellefonte. Here's Jay setting up a game:


Moments after the game was over, Jay's mother asked him to please take off the OhioState shirt, and for the love of God, please change the channel before JoePa got home.


Manufacturers of the electric football game prepared a special "Rose Bowl" edition for Jay to endorse, but this deal fell through, as since Jay has been our quarterback coach, the closest we've gotten to the game is watching the Rose Bowl parade on TV.

Always on the cutting edge, Jay was the first kid in the neighborhood to get his hands on Mattel's handheld electronic football game back in 1977. The game featured the smash mouth running plays favored by his father, but no passing plays. Here is Jay at Summer Camp, trying to master the intricacies of this game. Behind him is his brother Scott, seen here moments before fatally mauling and eating three camp counselors.


Handheld games were great, but there's always something magical about sitting in front of the TV, and the good folks at Atari found a way to combine the wonderful worlds of football and video games when they introduced "Football" in 1978. Not just limited to Dad's love of running straight up the middle, this game also let you air it out. Here's Jay with his prized Atari 2600:


Although Jay dreams of an endorsement deal from Electronic Arts, that hasn't happened. Instead, Atari signed him to a deal for a deluxe version of their football game. In addition to the normal gameplay, this version features two of Jay's signature plays ? the 3-yard out pattern, and the "Pick Six." Here's a picture of the deluxe edition:


Here Jay is seen demonstrating the game for Joe Sr. and Joseph Vincent Paterno III.


While playing videogames at home was great, like all kids, Jay found himself lured to the exciting world of the arcade. Once again, Atari delivered in 1979 in the form of "Atari Football" X's and O's, just like Dad diagrammed for his teams. That was the stuff. You could even run out patterns!


Even now, Jay will sometimes start spinning an imaginary trac-ball in the press box after Penn State completes a pass. When traveling, Jay still seeks out arcades that have this classic game. Here he is seen in Ann Arbor, losing his ninth straight game to Lloyd Carr's son:


Although Jay couldn't take his games with him to school, his passion for the game followed him there in the form of "paper football." Jay was pretty good at getting into the red zone, but even then, he had a hard time punching it in. Here's Jay in Remedial Study Hall, "making goalposts" after his opponent scores again:


While games were great, someone with Jay's passion for the game can't be satisfied with paper, pixels and LED screens. Like many great coaches, Jay liked to strap on the pads and hit the gridiron (sidelines). Here are his college stats:
0 attempts, 0 completions, 0 yards, 0 touchdowns

You see, Jay, just like "VanSlick" used to post, knew what it was like "to wear the jock."


He didn't, however, know what it was like to get it sweaty.

So, now you know how Jay Paterno "earned" his place on the PSU Staff. Jay is seen here with Galen Hall, who is praying to be struck by lightning. We know how you feel, Galen. We know how you feel...





--------------------------------------

[Steve19]

A good spoof but perhaps also signs of a good BS detector, eh?

[FCollinsBuckeye]