One of the keys on this keyboard doesn't work

[Zurp]

Johnny, the Transvestite Ha-ster
Johnny was a happy ha-ster, his entire childhood. He ran around on his little ha-ster wheel, he drank his water fro- the ha-ster bottle, and he pooped in his ha-ster cage. But when he got older, he realized that he’d rather wear wo-en’s clothing than his nor-al dude’s clothing.
At first, he only wore wo-en’s clothing when he was alone in his house, where no one could see hi-. He was very self-conscious, and, for ha-sters, social orders are everything. But he got -ore and -ore brave with each passing day, and he’d get -ore and -ore adventurous. He started to wear wo-en’s bras and panties, then he -oved on to wearing pink, button-down shirts, which evolved into wo-en’s blouses. One day, he ca-e out with the full attire: long, blond wig, black dress, high heels, and whatever else wo-en so-eti-es wear.
To his astonish-ent, he wasn’t ridiculed or laughed-at at all. In fact, the other wo-en in public liked seeing hi- dressed as a chick.
"Da-n!" he thought, "The -ain reason I wanted to dress like this was to get back at that da-ned To--y Tutone for giving out -y phone nu-ber, those -any years ago."
He ran over to a girl he’d seen but was never brave enough to ask her out, and he spit in her eye, which is the custo- for ha-sters when a guy wants to ask out a girl. She angrily gave hi- $5 and told hi- to go to hell. Johnny ran away, thrilled with her response, which was the ha-ster way to agree for a date.
They went out that night, with Johnny wearing nor-al dude-ha-ster clothes. At first, everything was going very well. She see-ed interested in hi-, and he was -aking so-e pretty good jokes. But then he realized that he was lost. He was so-ewhere where he didn’t know where he was. And, fro- the looks of it, it was so-ewhere bad.
He ran back and forth, peeing in nervousness, wondering how to get back to good places. The girl, whose na-e was LaVerne, thought it was a funny dance he was doing, and joined hi- in peeing here and there.
The locals of this bad place, however, didn’t like that they were peeing on all their stuff, and they kicked the- out of the city, to be eaten by trolls or the snorty -onster, or whoever else -ight want to eat a ha-ster.
"None of this would have happened if you didn’t pee all over the place," whined LaVerne.
"None of this would have happened if you weren’t such a slut," answered Johnny.
LaVerne kicked hi- in his eye, and then spit on his crotch, which is the way ha-sters have sex. The two were into the weird "arguing about odd stuff before sex" thing.
After sex, LaVerne put on Johnny’s clothes and Johnny put on LaVerne’s clothes, and they each lived happily ever after.
Until, one day, when LaVerne was -aking a tuna fish sandwich for Johnny. "You know I hate Tuna fish!" yelled Johnny. But it was too late. He was already eating it, and then they s-oked so-e pot and argued about why the VCR clock still blinks 12:00.

[AJHawkfan]

Please explain.....

[smith288]

My attention span left when I was too busy trying to find what letter was missing.

[bucknut4life]

Originally Posted by AJHawkfan

Please explain.....

ditto that please..

[scarletandgrey]

[censored] scUM

[FCollinsBuckeye]

I liked that one, Zurp. Very co-pelling.

[ScarletBlood31]

what the hell is that?

[Pheasant]

I started sounding out Ha-ster in my head. This word has always bothered me. So many people pronounce it with a "p" that I can never remember if there is one or not. Then I started thinking about how many keys Zurp was missing on his computer, and figured it would be too hard to read. Needless to say I didn't get past the first 2 sentences.