MistriBuck
aka MartyrBuck
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(this was sent to me in an email, this writing is not mine..........you don't even have to read the captions, the pictures alone are hilarious)
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</TD><TD class="" vAlign=top align=left width=536>10 worst album covers of all time.
A friend of mine sent me a link the other day that has kept me entertained with what has become my first top ten list. I guess “bottom 10” would be more appropriate, since it goes from “really bad” to “crime against humanity”. The problem with the original website featuring these album covers (Kersbergen has redirected his traffic to this site after his server got all gummed up) is that they were in no particular order and no one wrote any captions. I plan to fix that. Aside from that, I thank the person who gathered and compiled these works of art.
Let’s get down to business, shall we?
http://www.buckeyeplanet.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=1321&stc=1
#10- 12 Top Hits (featuring the finest in top hit entertainment)
Have you ever been to one of those parties where everyone sits expectantly and watches two people dance around like retards in a retard shop? Right. No one has, because those parties don't happen. Maybe it was a simpler time when songs like “Poor Little Fool” and “Splish Splash” had some kind of mind controlling power over teenagers. It caused them to pull their pants up too high and wear the worst socks ever made. No wonder there was such condemnation of Rock and Roll in the fifties. Look at what it did to their stupid kids. Granted, this one isn’t terribly offensive, but they get worse.
http://www.buckeyeplanet.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=1322&stc=1
#9- Joyce
That’s right, just “Joyce”. It practically sells itself. For as much as 50 cents, judging by the price tag. Kudos to the marketing genius who came up with this layout. (I think Joyce went on to become an angry algebra teacher at my high school. She always used to bust me and my girlfriend making out behind the building.)
Here’s Joyce’s big day-
“Hello, Joyce residence”
“Hi, Joyce? This is Artie, your producer. We got the photographer to come in today, so grab an extra bottle of aqua-net and get your hot ass in here. I have a nude badminton tournament at noon.” (I can only guess at the weird stuff these people did for fun)
“Oh, what should I wear?”
“Something with rainbow colors, or whatever you have on. I don’t know what the background is going to be. Those faggots from the 12 top hits album are using the fake living room.”
“Great! I just got new glasses. I think they make my head look less human.”
“err…good. Wear them. Bring a flower or something…to…accentuate your cheekbones”
“*giggle* okay, handsome, I’ll be right over.”
Little known fact about Joyce: She started the whole “one name” thing for singers. Madonna, Cher, Prince, Pantera…all Joyce wannabes.
http://www.buckeyeplanet.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=1323&stc=1
<CENTER>#8- The McKeithens</CENTER><CENTER></CENTER>The lost art of using an Olan Mills family portrait as your album cover is lost for a reason, and this is it. Polyester as far as the eye can see, and some insane woman wearing the world’s largest ball of twine on her head. The McKeithen family from left to right- Marsha, JoJack, Ma, and Jebediah. They were as functional as you would imagine any christian family singing group would be. Jebediah (known by his friends as “Twig”) had a raging addiction to bourbon, pornography and molesting Marsha, who worked as a stripper for several years before breaking into her acting career at age nineteen. She legally changed her name to Saucy Peaks and starred in such movies as ”EThree- The Extra Testicle”, the ever popular ”Prime cuts- Yo Quiero Taco Smell”, and ”Ultra Kinky #79- Bowlin’ in her Colon.” She eventually got back to her first passion in the same industry, singing lead in the off-broadway porn-rock-opera ”Ass hole-o-mio.” I think you have to use a hyphenated movie title to make it in the porn industry. JoJack eventually learned of his sister’s abuse at the hands of his father, and killed Twig one night on the way home from a Klan rally. He is now doing 15 to life in San Quentin. Ma McKeithen, however, never lost her faith. She did go bald and develop a neck condition from the weight of her hair, but collected it and sold it to a wig shop. With her earnings, she bought a house on Nantucket Island, where she composes songs for our number seven contender…
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http://www.buckeyeplanet.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=1324&stc=1
#7- Country Church
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This is not a far cry from the family portrait, except they opted for the “Kountry Kowboy” lame farm background. The least they could have done is bring in a fake section of fence for them to lean on. The first concept for this cover showed the men with a piece of straw in each of their mouths, but that was too much like smoking, and thus too edgy. Plus, the guy on the left kept tickling his own nipple with it. They were all, “Hey, mincing guy on the left, leave the straw in your mouth!” but the request was met only with giggles. No one liked the guy on the left, but he coordinated their outfits, so they needed him. Coincidentally, this album is why the popular fashion movement of sweater vests with turtlenecks and checked pants never got started. The lady sitting in front is actually the set designer’s sister in law, and was brought in to keep the wholesome group from looking “too gay”.
http://www.buckeyeplanet.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=1325&stc=1
<CENTER>#6- The Ministers Quartet- Let Me Touch Him
</CENTER>
These guys don’t look too bad. The pose is pretty static, but they look more or less like ushers at any church in Americ….whoa. “Let Me Touch Him”? Wow. That kind of conjures an image that doesn’t have anything to do with praising the gospel…
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(this was sent to me in an email, this writing is not mine..........you don't even have to read the captions, the pictures alone are hilarious)
</TD></TR><TR><TD class="" vAlign=top align=left width=17>
</TD><TD class="" vAlign=top align=left width=536>10 worst album covers of all time.
A friend of mine sent me a link the other day that has kept me entertained with what has become my first top ten list. I guess “bottom 10” would be more appropriate, since it goes from “really bad” to “crime against humanity”. The problem with the original website featuring these album covers (Kersbergen has redirected his traffic to this site after his server got all gummed up) is that they were in no particular order and no one wrote any captions. I plan to fix that. Aside from that, I thank the person who gathered and compiled these works of art.
Let’s get down to business, shall we?
http://www.buckeyeplanet.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=1321&stc=1
#10- 12 Top Hits (featuring the finest in top hit entertainment)
Have you ever been to one of those parties where everyone sits expectantly and watches two people dance around like retards in a retard shop? Right. No one has, because those parties don't happen. Maybe it was a simpler time when songs like “Poor Little Fool” and “Splish Splash” had some kind of mind controlling power over teenagers. It caused them to pull their pants up too high and wear the worst socks ever made. No wonder there was such condemnation of Rock and Roll in the fifties. Look at what it did to their stupid kids. Granted, this one isn’t terribly offensive, but they get worse.
http://www.buckeyeplanet.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=1322&stc=1
#9- Joyce
That’s right, just “Joyce”. It practically sells itself. For as much as 50 cents, judging by the price tag. Kudos to the marketing genius who came up with this layout. (I think Joyce went on to become an angry algebra teacher at my high school. She always used to bust me and my girlfriend making out behind the building.)
Here’s Joyce’s big day-
“Hello, Joyce residence”
“Hi, Joyce? This is Artie, your producer. We got the photographer to come in today, so grab an extra bottle of aqua-net and get your hot ass in here. I have a nude badminton tournament at noon.” (I can only guess at the weird stuff these people did for fun)
“Oh, what should I wear?”
“Something with rainbow colors, or whatever you have on. I don’t know what the background is going to be. Those faggots from the 12 top hits album are using the fake living room.”
“Great! I just got new glasses. I think they make my head look less human.”
“err…good. Wear them. Bring a flower or something…to…accentuate your cheekbones”
“*giggle* okay, handsome, I’ll be right over.”
Little known fact about Joyce: She started the whole “one name” thing for singers. Madonna, Cher, Prince, Pantera…all Joyce wannabes.
http://www.buckeyeplanet.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=1323&stc=1
<CENTER>#8- The McKeithens</CENTER><CENTER></CENTER>The lost art of using an Olan Mills family portrait as your album cover is lost for a reason, and this is it. Polyester as far as the eye can see, and some insane woman wearing the world’s largest ball of twine on her head. The McKeithen family from left to right- Marsha, JoJack, Ma, and Jebediah. They were as functional as you would imagine any christian family singing group would be. Jebediah (known by his friends as “Twig”) had a raging addiction to bourbon, pornography and molesting Marsha, who worked as a stripper for several years before breaking into her acting career at age nineteen. She legally changed her name to Saucy Peaks and starred in such movies as ”EThree- The Extra Testicle”, the ever popular ”Prime cuts- Yo Quiero Taco Smell”, and ”Ultra Kinky #79- Bowlin’ in her Colon.” She eventually got back to her first passion in the same industry, singing lead in the off-broadway porn-rock-opera ”Ass hole-o-mio.” I think you have to use a hyphenated movie title to make it in the porn industry. JoJack eventually learned of his sister’s abuse at the hands of his father, and killed Twig one night on the way home from a Klan rally. He is now doing 15 to life in San Quentin. Ma McKeithen, however, never lost her faith. She did go bald and develop a neck condition from the weight of her hair, but collected it and sold it to a wig shop. With her earnings, she bought a house on Nantucket Island, where she composes songs for our number seven contender…
<CENTER>
http://www.buckeyeplanet.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=1324&stc=1
#7- Country Church
</CENTER>
This is not a far cry from the family portrait, except they opted for the “Kountry Kowboy” lame farm background. The least they could have done is bring in a fake section of fence for them to lean on. The first concept for this cover showed the men with a piece of straw in each of their mouths, but that was too much like smoking, and thus too edgy. Plus, the guy on the left kept tickling his own nipple with it. They were all, “Hey, mincing guy on the left, leave the straw in your mouth!” but the request was met only with giggles. No one liked the guy on the left, but he coordinated their outfits, so they needed him. Coincidentally, this album is why the popular fashion movement of sweater vests with turtlenecks and checked pants never got started. The lady sitting in front is actually the set designer’s sister in law, and was brought in to keep the wholesome group from looking “too gay”.
http://www.buckeyeplanet.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=1325&stc=1
<CENTER>#6- The Ministers Quartet- Let Me Touch Him
</CENTER>
These guys don’t look too bad. The pose is pretty static, but they look more or less like ushers at any church in Americ….whoa. “Let Me Touch Him”? Wow. That kind of conjures an image that doesn’t have anything to do with praising the gospel…
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