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Best Jokes

Discussion in 'Open Discussion (Work-safe)' started by NJ-Buckeye, Oct 5, 2004.

  1. sparcboxbuck

    sparcboxbuck What happened to my ¤cash?

    Something about tsun and the fact that Fields got his immediate eligibility?
     
    NJ-Buckeye likes this.
  2. NJ-Buckeye

    NJ-Buckeye They Hate Us cuz They Ain't Us.. Banners are good Staff Member

    WOMEN'S REVENGE
    'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase
    As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
    'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
    'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
     
  3. Best Buckeye

    Best Buckeye Pretending I'm a pleasant person is exhausting. Staff Member

    Apparently she cut him off from sex years ago.
     
    LovelandBuckeye and NJ-Buckeye like this.
  4. LitlBuck

    LitlBuck I Don't Want Any Trouble but People Need Banners!

    A recently divorced guy walks into a bar. He notices a hot chick drinking alone at the bar and sits down beside her. She mentions that she too is recently divorced. The guy asks her what happened and she says. Well I'm kind of into kinky sex and my ex husband wasn't. So the guy says damn it's a small world that's the reason my wife left me...I'm into kinky sex too.

    They have a few more drinks and she's says "hey why don't you come over to my place and we can have a little kinky fun together tonight". He replies. " Oh yeah...lets finish this drink and I will follow you to your house."

    They get to her house and he sits on the couch and she says. Have a drink I'm going to change into something a little more comfortable. He say's that would begreat.

    About five minutes later she opens the door and Wow. She is standing there in a beautiful, sexy all leather dominatrix outfit complete with whips. As she comes out he is finishing his drink and heading out the door.

    She says "hey I thought we were going to have some kinky sex". He replies well I screwed your dog and crapped in your purse. I'm outta here!
     
  5. MililaniBuckeye

    MililaniBuckeye The satanic soulless freight train that is Ohio St Staff Member Tech Admin

    On a bus, an old lady offers the driver some peanuts, and the driver happily eats them.

    After about five minutes, the old lady gives him some more peanuts, and he eats those, too.

    For the next 20 minutes, the old lady gives him some peanuts every five minutes or so.

    The driver finally asks her, "Why don't you eat them yourself?"

    "I can't", she replies, "See, I have no teeth."

    "Then why do you buy them?", asked the driver.

    The old lady replied, "Oh, I just like the chocolate around them."
     
  6. calibuck

    calibuck Too soon old, too late smart

    A neighbor had a Bernie sign in his front yard. One day he came outside, and half the sign was gone. On the half still remaining, he saw a post-it note. The note said: "you had a sign and I had none, so I took half of yours, I knew you'd understand".....
     
    buckeyebri and MililaniBuckeye like this.
  7. Oh8ch

    Oh8ch Cognoscente of Omphaloskepsis Staff Member

    Talking to my neighbor the other day and he tried to tell me that chickens die after they have sex.

    I told him that was crazy. Chickens live a long time and lay eggs year after year. No way do they die after they have sex.

    "I don't know about that", he said, "But the two I fucked did."
     
  8. ScriptOhio

    ScriptOhio Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

    Who's Who???

    Three ladies are chipping up to the fourth hole at River Hill Golf Club when a
    naked man wearing a paper bag over his head jumps from the trees and runs
    across the green.

    The three ladies stand in awe at the size of his manhood.

    The first lady says, 'He is definitely not my husband.'

    The second lady, gazes at his manhood and says, 'He is not mine either.'

    After a very considerable inspection, the third lady finally says,

    'He's not even a member of this golf club'.
     
  9. Best Buckeye

    Best Buckeye Pretending I'm a pleasant person is exhausting. Staff Member

    Two Texans were out on the range one afternoon, talking about their favorite sex positions.

    One said, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position best."

    “I don't think I've ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy. "What is it?”

    "Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and grab each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, 'These feel just like your sister's.' "

    “Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds .”
     
  10. Best Buckeye

    Best Buckeye Pretending I'm a pleasant person is exhausting. Staff Member

    I decided to lend a hand to my ailing wife and wash my own sweat shirt, so I threw it in the washer and then then yelled asking what I should use for a setting. She replied "it depends, what does it say on it? And I said "Ohio State".
     
  11. Best Buckeye

    Best Buckeye Pretending I'm a pleasant person is exhausting. Staff Member

    My boss pulled up to work in a brand new sports car, put his hand on my shoulder and replied "Well, if you work hard, put in long hours and stay determined, I can get an even better one next year..........
     
    LovelandBuckeye likes this.
  12. MililaniBuckeye

    MililaniBuckeye The satanic soulless freight train that is Ohio St Staff Member Tech Admin

    A cowboy, who had just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

    The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

    The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

    The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

    The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

    One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

    The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

    "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

    "Hasn't affected my brothers though.”
     
  13. NJ-Buckeye

    NJ-Buckeye They Hate Us cuz They Ain't Us.. Banners are good Staff Member

    When a woman says 5 minutes,
    think like 5 minutes left in the fourth quarter
    and both teams have all of their timeouts.
     
  14. MililaniBuckeye

    MililaniBuckeye The satanic soulless freight train that is Ohio St Staff Member Tech Admin

  15. Best Buckeye

    Best Buckeye Pretending I'm a pleasant person is exhausting. Staff Member

    A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.The bartender gives him his drink and asks his name.The guy says his name is Tex.The bartender says "oh ,I guess you are from Texas then." The guy says no, I'm from Louisiana. The bartender says"well then why is your name Tex. The guy says "I'd rather be called Tex Than Louise"
     

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