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College Football Right Meow: Week 11

Discussion in 'College Football' started by jlb1705, Nov 12, 2015.

By jlb1705 on Nov 12, 2015 at 2:45 PM
  1. jlb1705

    jlb1705 hipster doofus Staff Member Bookie

    We are now in that time of year where just about everybody seems to pack on a few extra pounds. The weather is a little less pleasant and the football more compelling, so we end up sitting on our asses eating more nachos and drinking more beer. Thanksgiving is right around the corner and only adds to that. Christmas too. There are parties and get-togethers and food and drink are about endless.

    Poobert knows all about this. He used to be a skinny-mini. Just look at him in this picture, taken not long after he was adopted:

    SSPX0070.jpg
    Poobert when he was young, before the dreaded Freshman 15.

    It didn't take long for him to become fat as hell. Here he is just a couple years later:

    Picture 020 (2).jpg
    After he was adopted, Poobert realized he didn't have to impress anybody anymore.
    Only Bret Bielema has gotten fatter faster. As he waddles around the house with his belly flopping back and forth, nearly dragging on the floor, I like to imagine this as his theme song:


    He loves to eat and he knows virtually no limits. When my wife and I were still dating and not living together, I came over to her apartment to take care of the cats while she was out of town. I thought it would be a cool experiment to see just how much Poobert could eat if his food were not limited. The answer as it turns out is that he gets worn out before he gets full. All of the strenuous chewing and swallowing caused him to pass out with his chin on the edge of his food bowl. Needless to say, when my wife found out about the experiment I got in a bit of trouble. It was worth it though - so funny to watch.

    We've experimented with dieting too. He eats prescription cat food - one variety of it makes him gain weight, the other variety makes him lose weight. The kind that makes him lose weight made him super-skinny again - too skinny in fact, and kinda malnourished. He now eats a mix of the weight gain and weight loss prescription foods, and maintains a steady level of fatness.

    Poobert has never been as athletic or as agile as you would think of most cats as being. Generally speaking he doesn't jump up on things. Before we found the right combination of prescription cat foods though, he briefly became athletic enough to jump up on the kitchen counter. And because he was starving at the time, he helped himself to the food he found up there. One day while we were at work he managed to tear into and eat nearly an entire loaf of white bread. Do you know what happens when a housecat eats an entire loaf of white bread? He shits his brains out for an entire damn week, and when he's not shitting he'll be cutting nasty farts everywhere he goes. I never imagined a little 12-lb. fuzzball could generate that much poop. In never imagined he could create that kind of smell. It was disgusting. The lesson: never put your cat on a diet, never piss him off, and let him get as fat as he wants to be.

    This week's picks:

    Gamejlb1705Poobert
    Pittsburgh (+3.5) at Duke[​IMG] [​IMG]
    Alabama (-8.0) at Mississippi State[​IMG] [​IMG]
    Memphis (+7.0) at Houston[​IMG] [​IMG]
    Oregon (+10.0) at Stanford[​IMG] [​IMG]
    Minnesota (+12.5) at Iowa[​IMG] [​IMG]
    Oklahoma (+2.5) at Baylor[​IMG] [​IMG]
    Utah (-6.0) at Arizona[​IMG] [​IMG]
    Ohio State (-16.0) at Illinois[​IMG] [​IMG]
     

Comments

Discussion in 'College Football' started by jlb1705, Nov 12, 2015.

    1. cincibuck
      cincibuck
      So then I find out that Poohead has no long term memory or math skills and I ask myself, "How proud can you feel beating the buhjeezuz out of a fellow feline who is suffering from Alzheimer's?

      Bread poop? My owner has to tell the story of a black lab (over, and over, and over, and over) they once allowed to freeload off of them. Dog found the Halloween candy stash and they came home to a room full of Tootsie Pop sticks and a torn plastic bag. Another time he ate this "antique" box of Lifebuoy soap, bar and all. He found a can of Swiss Miss hot chocolate mix in the lady's purse waiting to be taken to work in the morning. She found the can chewed open and empty with chocolate goop all over the first floor and inside her purse. His best trick was eating an entire seven inch white scented candle. He then passed votive lights for three days.

      Me? I'm into greens. I chew holes in the philodendron, I pull on the Boston Fern, but I really piss 'em off by chewing the green part of any flowers they bring into the house. You should hear the things they call me when I do that. You'd think I was Brian Kelly's quarterback.

      But enough about me (as if), what about these here picks:
      Pittsburgh (+3.5) at Duke [​IMG] [​IMG]
      Why did ND go to the ACC? Cause each week they get to play an Indiana/Purdue look alike. I gotta go with the Pitts this week. Yuck
      Alabama (-8.0) at Mississippi State [​IMG] [​IMG]
      Wish I had the stones to pick the dogs. Wish the dogs had the stones to pull it off, but it's gonna be Bama.
      Memphis (+7.0) at Houston [​IMG] [​IMG]
      At Houston in front of seven hundred screaming Dave Klingler look a likes - goin' with the cougs
      Oregon (+10.0) at Stanford [​IMG] [​IMG]
      Poor Ducks. Pickin the tall pine (It's actually a cedar)
      Minnesota (+12.5) at Iowa [​IMG] [​IMG]
      Minnesota is scrappy, the 's' is silent. Hawkeyes.
      Oklahoma (+2.5) at Baylor [​IMG] [​IMG]
      Sooners or later someone gonna burst that Baylor bubble. OK
      Utah (-6.0) at Arizona [​IMG] [​IMG]
      Who doesn't like dese two utes?
      Ohio State (-16.0) at Illinois [​IMG] [​IMG]
      Fuck you Red Grange. Chic Harley was better. Bucks.
      brodybuck21 and jlb1705 like this.
    2. matcar
      matcar
      Only 50% last week. Gotta get better for the stretch run.
      jlb1705 likes this.

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