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College Football Right Meow: Week 2

This week we start with a little more background on our furry friend Poobert. This past week was his birthday. He just turned ten. We got him a new collar for his birthday. The ungrateful little butthole didn't like it. Wish him a happy birthday!

Poobert was a rescue cat - mangey and emaciated when he was taken in at the shelter that my wife adopted him from. Because he was often starving and scavenging as a kitten, he eats voraciously and is always looking for his next meal. His adoption was just the first time that my wife saved his life.

Every morning he sits outside our bedroom door and wakes us up with our cries for us to feed him. Now, I mentioned last week that he's not the sharpest crayon in the box. One lazy weekend morning he was making his routine cries and I, just wanting to stay in bed a little longer, yelled back at him, "Nobody's here!" Poobert apparently found that to be very believable, because he was quiet for the next half-hour before catching on to the fact that he was fooled. For me and my wife's part, we didn't actually use the half-hour we bought ourselves to sleep in a little longer - we spent the entire time snickering at him.

With Poobert being a gullible cat, there is skepticism over how he makes his picks. Sure, people can easily believe a smarter cat would have no problem picking college football games against the spread, but not one as simple as him. So in the interest of transparency, allow us to introduce you to Poobert Labs:

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Poobert diligently supervises the synthesis of the latest college football data.

Using the latest (to his knowledge) supercomputing hardware and advanced proprietary analytics, Poobert is able to predict the winners of each week's college football games despite not being smart enough to tell when I am or am not in a particular room. This should assuage any concerns about cheating or foul play.

Results to date:

Poobert went 18/32 in week one. That's over 56% correct - not bad for a cat! He also picked Nortwestern over Stanford, which I missed. He celebrated this accomplishment by sunning his tummy by the front door. Unfortunately, his effort was not that impressive compared to the rest of the field. He is placed 42nd after the first week, which is next-to-last out of entrants who picked all of the games. @LostLassie was the only human who didn't beat him. Womp womp!

I went 22/32 for the first week's games. I was pleasantly surprised by this, but it also leaves me a bit worried that I'll end up in in LostLassie territory before long. 22/32 is probably the best I can do, and it really wasn't that much better than my cat. My best pick was taking Washington to beat the spread against Boise State. I had several bad picks - arguably the worst of those was taking Kent State and 14 points against the Illini. I can only imagine that Bill Cubit was sandbagging the last couple years waiting for Tim Beckman to get himself canned.

This Week's Picks:
Gamejlb1705PoobertComments
Utah State (+13.5) at Utah
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J: This is a rivalry game so I'm hesitant to give up that many points. Utah State was poor last week though. P: Wait, I picked Utah STATE? They sound so much alike.
Oregon State (+15.5) at M*ch*g*n
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J: The JV game in the Oregon-M*ch*g*n Challenge. Oregon State is by far the worse team of the two. P: Yeah, what he said.
Houston (+13.0) at Louisville
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J: Herman is building toward something and Louisville didn't impress me last week. Houston to beat the spread, but not win. P: Yep.
Iowa (-3.5) at Iowa State
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J: Another Kirk Ferentz special. ISU to win outright. P: Ditto
Oklahoma (pk) at Tennessee
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J: Wait, you're just copying me aren't you? P: No. See?
Oregon (+3.5) at M*ch*g*n State
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J: We know what Oregon is. MSU is one year wiser and at home this time. P: We know what Oregon is. MSU is one year wiser and at home this time.
Minnesota (-6.0) at Colorado State
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J: You're copying me again! P: Am not!
LSU (-4.5) at Mississippi State
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J: Are too! P: OK, you got me. I fired the guys that ran the supercomputer for making me look bad. I don't know how to turn it on. I tried rubbing up against it, rolling over and showing it my tummy... nothing worked.
Boise State (-2.5) at BYU
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J: Damnit, cat. P: *purrs*
Hawai'i (+40.0) at Ohio State
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J: Go Bucks! P: Go Bucks!
 
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I'm a rescue cat also. I rescued my owners. I'd been runnin' the streets of Newport, looking for Jerry Springer's hooker. They got picked when a cute secretary from NKU posted my pic on the faculty list serve. My new owners fell for it.

Old habits die hard. Since I was eating on the run, I gobbled down my food and then puked it up five minutes later. I now can go for long stretches without doing that, but it's fun watching "the smart folks" trying to figure out why. Now they buy the expensive cat food marked for "cats with sensitive stomachs."

I enjoy finding new places to puke and I've figured out that it's much too easy on "the smart folks" if I do it on the tile or wood floors. I try and hit the carpets as often as possible. It's fun watching them work - oh, and you should hear the language(!). It's as if Michigan scored a touchdown.

But enough about me. (Ha! as if that every happened). Let's get to the picks:

1. I'm stickin' with these two utes over Mormon Aggies.
2. I like Hairball to cough one up. Give SCUMie a win.
3. You two missed the fact that the game is in Falls City. Goin' with the Cards.
4. Ol' COY has a few back payments to catch up on if he wants to keep that cushy salary. Go Herky!
5. I'm just wild about Charlie... NOT! BOOMer Sooner.
6. Sparty should be ready this time around.
7. Goofers scrape one out for the conference's sake.
8. Tiger, tiger, burning bright, eat the Bulldogs in one bite.
9. Truck drivers over polygamy u.
10. We're just pickin' right? None of that spread sheet Mark May. Go Bucks!
 

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