NorthShoreBuck
True Madness Requires Significant Intelligence
I used to be an engineer.
Now I am in sales.
The golf joke really made me laugh.
Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a Beautiful woman rode up on this bike.
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
"Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
wouldn't have fit anyway."
Lesson: Don't bother to drop even the most obvious hint, they can't
catch anyway.
Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to
be.
Lesson: There is no philosophy to talk abt but calculations and
calculations...
Comprehending Engineers -Take Three
A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor
chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude". The
pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word
with him." "Hi John.
Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't
they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so
we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
Then the pastor said, "That's so sad I think I will say a special
prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer, after much thought said, "Why can't these guys play at
night?"
Lesson: No emotions please, only practicality works here.
Comprehending Engineers -Take Four
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build targets.
Lesson: They build and build and build and build and... to compliment
one another.
Comprehending Engineers -Take Five
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical
engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an
electrical engineer.
The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last
said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Lesson: All of them have their own theories. None for believing!
Comprehending Engineers -Take Six
"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."
Lesson: They are complicated and twisted.
Comprehending Engineers -Take Seven
An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it
was better to spend time with a wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the
passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
"Yeah," replied the engineer. "If you have a wife and a mistress, they
will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you
can go to the lab and get some work done."
Lesson: Gals, NEVER fall for an engineer!!!
Comprehending Engineers - Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He
bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke
up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful
princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the
frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
the frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again
the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?
I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look I'm an
engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a TALKING frog, now
that's cool!
Lesson: Once again, gals, NEVER fall for an engineer!!!!!
Now we know why so many engineers are single!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I am in sales.
The golf joke really made me laugh.
Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a Beautiful woman rode up on this bike.
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
"Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
wouldn't have fit anyway."
Lesson: Don't bother to drop even the most obvious hint, they can't
catch anyway.
Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to
be.
Lesson: There is no philosophy to talk abt but calculations and
calculations...
Comprehending Engineers -Take Three
A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor
chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude". The
pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word
with him." "Hi John.
Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't
they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so
we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
Then the pastor said, "That's so sad I think I will say a special
prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer, after much thought said, "Why can't these guys play at
night?"
Lesson: No emotions please, only practicality works here.
Comprehending Engineers -Take Four
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build targets.
Lesson: They build and build and build and build and... to compliment
one another.
Comprehending Engineers -Take Five
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical
engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an
electrical engineer.
The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last
said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Lesson: All of them have their own theories. None for believing!
Comprehending Engineers -Take Six
"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."
Lesson: They are complicated and twisted.
Comprehending Engineers -Take Seven
An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it
was better to spend time with a wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the
passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
"Yeah," replied the engineer. "If you have a wife and a mistress, they
will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you
can go to the lab and get some work done."
Lesson: Gals, NEVER fall for an engineer!!!
Comprehending Engineers - Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He
bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke
up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful
princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the
frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
the frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again
the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?
I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look I'm an
engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a TALKING frog, now
that's cool!
Lesson: Once again, gals, NEVER fall for an engineer!!!!!
Now we know why so many engineers are single!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!