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Darwin Awards (Mega-Merge)

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ScriptOhio;440809; said:
Darwin Awards

In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards:

(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the
great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert
at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins, to hop the fence and then assist his friend over.
Unfortunately for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on
the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found
himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and
broken, along with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his
shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw
some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his
fall; he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his ! shorts
to free himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into
holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now,
without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his
rectum. To make matters worse, upon landing his pocket knife penetrated
his thigh. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony,
threw him a rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to
the pickup truck and slowly driving away.
However, in his drunken haste, he put the truck into reverse and crashed
through the fence landing on his friend and killing him. Police arrived
to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100 feet from the
truck and dead at the scene from massive internal injuries. Upon moving
the truck, they found John under it half-naked, scratches on his body, a
holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling
from a tree branch 25 feet in the air.
congrats.gif

Congratulations, gentlemen. You win.
Click to expand...

How the hell does this beat out the death of the Michigan football program resulting from the hiring of Rich Rodriguez?
 
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