Not that I want to go off on a rant here...
But fuck this fucking cocksucker game. Fuck every asshole that had anything to do with producing or designing it. I hope they get a pole vault pole shoved up their ass, broken off, set on fire, and shoved off a cliff. This is the biggest bull[Mark May] cocksucker game in the history of bull[Mark May] cocksucker games.
Now, I am not one of these 13 year old arcade n00bs who says "ZONG NEED MORE ACTIONZ!!1!!1!1!!!" I like the pace of the game, the need for buildups and crosses, and all that. Real football type stuff. But shooting on this game is the single worst controlled bullfuck in the history of videogames. It is IMPOSSIBLE to score if you are playing on any end-to-end camera setting (tele, broadcast, etc.). The shoot button is fucking worthless. Even if you tap it, it blows the fucking ball 80 miles over the goal. The fucking bull[Mark May] "finesse shot" control doesn't work either. If you power up small, it dick trickles the fucker like you are blowing on it right to the keeper. If you power it up, it blows the ball 80 miles over the goal. Hores. Fucking. [Mark May]. Headers don't go on goal and get no power behind them. ANd I should say, I am playing on "Professional" not "World Class". I am playing on the "average" settings with a good team and even fucking Totti can't put a ball on target without pushing it with his dick. FUCK THIS [Mark May].
Oh, and I started 3 leagues with 3 different teams. All different tactics, formations, the works. EVERY FUCKING GAME IS THE SAME. Play a scoreless first half, where I can create chances but it is impossible to put the ball in the net. Go to the second half, and the AI team gets a fucking total bull[Mark May] assed fucktard goal, either by A) A complete cocknipple of a deflection that bounces off of 3 guys, magically goes past my 8 FUCKING DEFENDERS, and right to the SINGLE FUCKING ATTACKER, who magically has it bang off of him for a goal, or B) A completely MADE UP HORESFUCK penalty that didn't even involve a challenge (confirmed by the fucking replay), but somehow the penalty is awarded anyway, which are impossible to save, or C) A completely physiologically impossible triple start-stop move, all in different directions, to create space that doesn't exist with moves that no human could ever do, or D) my personal favorite, the piece de resistance of horsefuck. I was playing with Southampton against WBA, we played good solid football for 85 minutes, scoreless draw...the some random fuckwit took a shot from like 8000 miles away, a shot that Lionel fucking Messi or David fucking Beckham would never ever try, and yet he magically not only puts it on target, but deposits it into the top corner for the horse[Mark May] goal of the millenium. I nearly broke everything in my house after that goal was scored. Then, as like an added bonus, every cockwit 60-rated player magically becomes a Lionel Messi of ballcontrol after they take the lead. Yes, Johnny, you also get trying to run around the pitch and chase guys who suddenly have 850,000 ball control moves, all of which they can execute simultaneously. Bear in mind none of these guys could keep the ball from you when it was scoreless, no no no no FUCKING NO, they just develop superhuman cyborg Matrix Jedi reflexes AFTER taking the 1-0 lead. Toss in the one final chance you get at the end of the game being saved by a goalie diving the wrong way yet deflecting the ball away, and you get an experience that can only be described as ripping your dick off with a shower curtain ring and gluing it to your own forehead. I have played a series of league games in 3-4 different leagues...every single goddamned fucking one has ended with exactly the same fucking score...1-0 loss. EVERY. FUCKING. GAME.
I will now attempt to corral all of the epinepherine that is coursing through my angry body and get some sleep before tomorrow's football games. In the meantime. Fuck FIFA14. That is all.
Well I might have been just a tad over-upset. I'm sure there are ways to mess with the sliders to at least make it a little better...I have already started screwing with it. FOr game feel, it is a fantastic game. There just needs to be a way to score goals. I'm sure there is one...I have just had zero luck finding it.