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Holiday Eating Tips

Discussion in 'Open Discussion (Work-safe)' started by CCI, Dec 25, 2004.

  1. CCI

    CCI Metal Rules

    1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
    table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see
    carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

    2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine
    single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch.

    You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who
    cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're
    going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it.
    Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's

    3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
    gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of
    your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

    4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim
    milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying
    a sports car with an automatic transmission.

    5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to
    control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is
    to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

    6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
    Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
    This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the
    buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

    7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
    frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position
    yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before
    becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of
    shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

    8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each.
    Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.
    Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert?
    Labor Day?

    9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
    mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have
    some standards.

    10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the
    party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.
    Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

    Remember this motto to live by:

    "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of

    arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather

    to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other,

    body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a

    Apache likes this.
  2. LoKyBuckeye

    LoKyBuckeye I give up. This board is too hard to understand.

    I think I can follow that one :)
  3. ScriptOhio

    ScriptOhio Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

    The B and D Rule of Thumb

    Ever wonder whose bread plate is whose, or which drink is yours and which drink is your neighbor?s? Well, follow this rule of thumb and you?ll never wonder again:

    Hold up your hands as if you?re giving someone a high ten. Bring your forefingers to your thumbs. Do you see a letter ?b? in your left hand and a letter ?d? in your right? Well, the ?b? stands for your bread plate (which should always be on your left hand side) and the ?d? stands for your drink (which should always be on your right hand side)!

    [​IMG] [​IMG]

    Just remember to do this under the table when you?re out, so that you don?t draw attention to yourself. :biggrin:

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