wstripes
All-American
Keep Your Girl Insecure
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-2](09/22/2004)[/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1]Congratulations, you’ve finally bagged yourself a hottie. All your friends are dumfounded as to how you got this one into your bedroom, and strangers on the street gaze upon you two with awe and envy. Unfortunately, the hot ones don’t always stay to long, as a fierce and determined group of competitors comes with the territory of a chick that everybody wants. The truth is that the only way to keep her attached to the nine inch leash beneath your navel is to make her hate herself. Why, you ask? Because an insecure woman is a faithful woman. Once you convince her that you’re the only one who could ever want her, she’ll never even consider straying as an option.[/size][/font][font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1][/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1]Make Her Doubt Her Hotness[/size][/font][font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1][/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1]She’s hot, we’ve established that. Chances are that she knows it too. However, it’s surprisingly easy to get her to forget the fact that 99% percent of the men on Earth would cut off their own dicks just to be seen with her. A consistent and unrelenting campaign of subtly disparaging comments is all that’s needed to trick her into second-guessing her looks. [/size][/font][font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1][/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1]A good, solid base method of undermining her looks is to compliment other women. Girls are jealous by nature, and naturally take a compliment towards another as an insult to them. The best way of executing this technique is to choose a trait that’s absent in your hottie to compliment in your decoy. If your girl is petite, go on and on about how tall and stunning a supermodel on TV is. If she has blue eyes, talk about he deep and sensual brown eyes of a mutual acquaintance. Keep it subtle, though – it’s best not to say these things directly too her. Try to casually bring these things up in a group setting, as if you forgot she was sitting there. Never be apologetic about it, though. Admitting you were wrong gives her the upper hand - instead of stirring doubts about herself, it makes you look like the clod.[/size][/font][font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1][/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1]Another classic technique is the backhanded compliment. Play up how “natural” she looks compared to the perfect, hot celebrities you see on TV and movies; she’s guaranteed not to take it well. For example, tell her you like the “natural sagginess” of her breasts in contrast to the perfect, floating breasts of implanted fashion models. This works doubly well if she has had surgery done, as it convinces her that even her attempts to improve her looks have failed (even if they haven’t). Try also the “everybody else says” technique. Convince her that “everybody else” has a problem about some aspect of her appearance, and then assure her that you love it. A good one would be to tell her that “everybody else says your lips are too big, but I think they’re hot!”, and then kiss her. This has the dual pronged effect of assuring her that she’s unattractive to most people and that you’re the only one who likes the way she looks.[/size][/font][font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1][/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1]A very important and effective technique is flaw inflation. Find some tiny flaw on her anywhere, like a mole, or a birthmark. As a woman, she will have already catalogued every physical imperfection about herself and these will be already plaguing her mind. She keeps herself sane by believing that she’s making a big deal out of nothing, and that most people don’t care, or notice that tiny acne scar behind her ear. Therefore, when you point it out to her, while asking if she’s going to “do something about it”, she’ll be an instant wreck. “It’s true”, she’ll think, “people do notice, and it’s a huge problem”. Combining this with the previous two methods will convince her that she’s the ugliest thing and the world, and she’ll thank God that she miraculously has you to forgive her of all of her obvious physical shortcomings.[/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1]Undermine Her Choices[/size][/font][font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1][/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1]While looks are probably your girl’s most sensitive area, you can’t hope to break her down into desperate, clingy hanger-on if you neglect her personality. Your goal is to make her think that she can’t do anything right on her own. You’ve got to convince her that she literally can’t live without you. By the end of your campaign, she has to have so little confidence in her own judgment that the thought of leaving someone as smart and helpful as you would be devastating to her entire lifestyle.[/size][/font][font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1][/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1]Start with her way of dressing. Most hotties are quite proud of their wardrobe, so once you break her down in this area, the rest will be a cakewalk. When you both are ready to head for a night out, cleverly undermine her chosen outfit by asking her if she’s going to go get dressed. Repeating this in intervals spaced out enough not to be too obvious (ideally once a month) will effectively make her doubt her own fashion sense, taking you over the first and biggest hurdle. [/size][/font][font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1][/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1]Next, make your girl uneasy about her current position in life. A simple “so what do you plan on doing with your life” can work wonders to crush a girl’s contentment with whatever profession she happens to be involved in. She could be a top executive at the town’s hottest law firm, and a sly “so what do you plan on doing” can still put her on edge. It tells her that you think her current position is unacceptable. The more matter-of-factly you say it, the more effective it becomes, as it gives the image that the thought came to you quite naturally.[/size][/font][font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1][/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1]Finally, subtly belittle her sexual prowess. Always turn down her attempts to initiate sex, and complain whenever you two do have sex. Ask her if she has to just sit there during sex. If she asks what you want her to do, don’t tell her anything more specific than an “I don’t know. Something.” Such vague dissatisfaction with her bed presence will naturally make her feel like a sexual nerd.[/size][/font][font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1][/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1]Keep Her Lonely[/size][/font][font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1][/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1]When there’s a light at the end of a tunnel, a people will always run towards it. That’s why you’ve got to convince your girl that there is only infinite darkness. Set it up so that there is physically nobody in her life except you, and she’ll never risk the lonely abyss that comes with a break up. Thus, your main task is to get rid of all of her friends. This isn’t too hard. Women are fickle creatures, and their friendships are hardly set in stone. Play up her friends flaws, claim that they’re “not good enough” for her, and even suggest that they’re two-faced against her. The two-faced thing won’t be to hard to convince her of, as women all secretly resent each other. You can get both sides involved by keeping her away from them by monopolizing her time (i.e. constantly go on dates). Soon, they’ll start acting resentful about this, and will develop an off-putting bitchy attitude about the situation which will drive your girl away from them in no time. [/size][/font][font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1][/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1]After the friends are gone, all you have to do is keep her too distracted to make any new friends. This is easy. Girls don’t like to go out alone, and with her friends gone, the only person she’ll be going out with is you. Just don’t take her to any obvious socializing venues (i.e., nightclubs, adult education courses, etc). [/size][/font] [font=Arial,Helvetica][size=-1]Once you complete your relentless campaign, your girl won’t ever even be able to think a single thought that doesn’t feature you. The best part is, once the public gets used to seeing you with a girl that hot, other hotties will be interested in you. And since these rules work with any chick, once you get tired of your girl, you immediately can move on to break in another perfect ten.[/size][/font]
http://greenlarva.com/
Last edited by a moderator:
That is hilarious
