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Iowa's Matt Roth developing medical condition

Discussion in 'College Football' started by BB73, Oct 10, 2004.

  1. BB73

    BB73 Loves Buckeye History Staff Member Bookie '16 & '17 Upset Contest Winner

    Medical personnel in Iowa City were unable to explain the severe dehydration which Matt Roth was suffering from Saturday evening. The preseason All-Big10 defensive end began losing fluids at an alarming rate during the afternoon, which came on the Hawkeyes bye week during Big10 play.

    Medical experts were completely baffled by the condition until a specialist was consulted. According to Dr. Tibor, a self-described "medical-football expert" from Pennsylvania, Roth's situation is extremely rare.

    "Expectationus expectorationus" is the name of the recently identified malady that Dr. Tibor diagnosed in Roth.

    "Matt watched too much of the Ohio State-Wisconsin game today, and started salivating uncontrollably", said Dr. Tibor. Roth lost about 3 quarts of body fluids, and had to be placed on an IV.

    How is such a condition treated? Some deception by the Iowa coaching staff is apparently what Dr. Tibor has prescribed.

    "Don't let him see any more game film of the 2004 Ohio State offense" said Dr. Tibor. "If he insists on scouting this week's opponent, substitute the 1995 Ohio State game films and tell Roth that he's seeing 2004 games. That should calm him down. Otherwise, his rapid rate of fluid loss from salivating, combined with a racing heartbeat, could become life-threatening."
  2. tibor75

    tibor75 Banned

    This disorder is also known to afflict certain NFL cities in the week prior to visits by the Cincinnati Bengals. I diagnosed 3 cases myself 2 weeks ago.
  3. Jaxbuck

    Jaxbuck I hate tsun ‘18 Fantasy Baseball Champ

    I would imagine the entire Iowa D is suffering from this condition. I predict the epidemic will spread to Bloomington, Happey Valley, East Lansing, West Lafayette and AA in that order.

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