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Life advice to a boy quickly turning into a man.

sparcboxbuck

What happened to my ¤cash?
So, I dunno... Maybe this is a reaction to the pussification thread... maybe I just want to talk to my kid the way I wish someone talked to me when I was growing up.

What follows are some notes I typed to my son while we were flying to MSP a couple of weeks ago for a lacrosse tourney.

These words are unedited and more or less a stream of consciousness. Feedback and / or additions welcome.

My goal is to share this with him before he stars HS in a month or so. He's a great kid... and a total guy. I don't mince words with him and I've not pulled any punches on shit before... Don't know why I'd start now.

Feedback welcome.


Life advice to a boy quickly turning into a man.

1. Never put it in Crazy. Crazy is never worth it.

2. If you think you're out with Crazy, run like hell and don't look back.

3. You may think that Stacy's not the girl for you, but if you think Stacy's mom is hot... Give Stacy another look. She'll likely be her mom in a few years. Rules above trump this rule.

4. Always be protected. Never trust her to take care of it. Don't take care of it yourself and you may be taking care of it for the next 18-years.

5. Again, see rules 1 & 2 because Crazy don't give a fuck.

6. Always understand what you have to gain and lose. Always understand what she has to gain and lose as well. Seek situations where you both have a lot to gain and a lot to lose. Imbalance on either side will cause problems.

7. Identify what you want in a partner, now, in a year, five and 20. If you can't see her in your life at five and 20, do yourselves a favor and don't get serious. This doesn't mean don't date her, just don't make any promises about the future. She'll hang on those promises and that's not fair to her.

8. See her with her father. Watch how they interact. It will tell you a lot. Not the least of which it will tell you what she will expect from you.

9. Never forget that she is someone's daughter. Imagine your most precious possession and multiply that times like a billion. That's how he feels about her. Yes, even Crazy's dad feels like that.

10. Respect her.

11. Respect yourself.

12. No really means no. There is absolutely no discussion on this point. One 'no' and you stop whateverthehell it is you're doing.

13. Related to the above, if you get to that point, do yourself the favor of politely excusing yourself from her presence. Too many young men have messed up their lives over this. Don't mess up yours.

14. Don't discount Crazy showing up in the above... and that's why politely excusing yourself is important.

15. Crazy is also likely vindictive which means that seeing you in trouble / pain is a reward for her. See rules 1,2 and 5.

16. Never settle; for anything or for anyone.

17. High school is not the best time of your life. Don't expect it to be. If it is, you're doing it wrong.

18. Girls, for some reason, seem to be attracted to 'dark, dangerous and trouble.' Don't worry about that. He ends up fat and bald for the 10-year reunion. You be you and she'll figure it out. See 17 above. He's the dude who had his best years in high school.

19. I promise that the next few years will be filled with great love and great heartbreak. My hope for you is more of the former and less of the latter.

20. Regrettably, the latter is inevitable. When it happens, be a man. Be respectful no matter what happens. See items 9 & 10. Also, when it happens, always remember that others _are_ watching... and the next one _will_ consider how you handled yourself. Also see item 11.

21. When you're lucky enough to experience the former, enjoy it. Show her you enjoy it by treating her like a queen and she'll treat you like a king.

22. Bros > Hos: Your friends will be for life. Only one girl gets to say that. Trust yourself, but listen to your friends as well. They'll be honest with you. Sometimes brutally, and it may hurt. True friends will have your best interests in mind. Your real friends, and you'll figure that out in time, will let you know when you've found your queen.

23. Learn to read social cues. It is also inevitable that you will do stupid things. Surround yourself with good people and they will also let you know when you are being stupid.

24. Don't be 'that guy.'

25. Be good to your friends by letting them know when they are doing stupid things.

26. Have fun growing into a great young man. Avoid situations and people that are toxic.

27. The golden rule is golden for a good reason.

28. You've been raised well. You know right from wrong. There's never a wrong time to do the right thing.
 
Great list.

*Anything you text, post, submit, or shoot can and will be found by someone you don't want it be found by.*

Stocking stuffers:
condoms2.jpg
 
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This is probably contained within your list, but something I told my daughter is to pursue your dreams to the fullest, don't give up and don't stop at the first sign of adversity and certainly don't give them up for someone else. That right person will come along at the right time and when you least expect it.
 
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- Always bag it. I have been giving crazy 20% of my take home pay every two weeks since 1999 and that sucks.

- Take full advantage of everything available in high school. Join sports teams. Take shop. Join theater. Join choir. Whatever! If you take up an extra curricular and don't like it, switch to something different, but at least explore every option. You won't regret trying something. You absolutely will regret not trying something, and you only get to do these four years once.

- Consider whether Rotary/exchange student program is something you want to do. One of my buddies went to France, another went to Brazil. I didn't give this much thought when I was 16 or 17, but man, I really wish I had done something like that now.
 
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- Consider whether Rotary/exchange student program is something you want to do. One of my buddies went to France, another went to Brazil. I didn't give this much thought when I was 16 or 17, but man, I really wish I had done something like that now.

As a former Rotarian, I can attest to the value of this program. Also, it is a good lead in to COLLEGE SCHOLARSHIPS that Rotary has....Funny thing is if you as a parent are a Rotarian, your kid can't receive a scholarship....WTF
 
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The Internet is forever. And you will want a job and likely a family some day. So don't say it. And relatedly, if you do it, don't photograph or film it.

Never lose sight of what is important. Never lose what makes you you. But most importantly, never lose your keys.

Life is indeed like a box of chocolates...if you never try it, you'll never find out how good it is, but if you over consume, you get fat and diabetic.

And finally, safety is not uncool. Fire safety, driving safety, sexual safety...these things make sure you will enjoy life for a long time. So practice them. Every time.
 
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23. Learn to read social cues. It is also inevitable that you will do stupid things. Surround yourself with good people and they will also let you know when you are being stupid.


25. Be good to your friends by letting them know when they are doing stupid things.

I dunno, but, I thought these were the best 2. (Loved the rest, don't get me wrong) But, I think it took me personally a long time to realize that sometimes the people that give you honest criticism (whoever they are, and even if they weren't quite right) were the ones that were looking out for you the most. And conversely its hard to be honest with others when they may not react so well to it. Anyway, big thumbs up on these.
 
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I'm not exactly sure on how to convey these messages properly but i'll try. I think it's pretty cool you are trying to do this fwiw.

A lot of great things come from people who work extremely hard on fundamentals. "Extremely hard" is extremely subjective.
Stay humble,focus on learning even if you have a lot of experience in whatever your goal is. When you become more experienced and knowledgeable it's easy to become overconfident or arrogant. Don't do that because you will lose focus of the objective. Seek out people who have similar goals as you,and compare ideas. Learn from the mistakes you make,and you will make them. It's important to recognize these mistakes or you will repeat them. Learn to question everything.

Regarding friendships:

Don't expect too much from someone. We all let each other down at times. Remember who is there for you when it wasn't convenient for them to be there.

Regarding relationships:

If you have to change too much about yourself to be with someone,then clearly it wasn't meant to be. If she acts like your not too much to lose then you aren't.

Regarding people:

Most people only know what they think is best for them. Everyone want's to believe they are right. Pay attention to people who actually practice what they preach. There's a reason they do that.

Regarding alcohol/drugs:

If you are spending too much time puking in toilets,your body is trying to give you a signal. Oh yea,and toilet water splashes upward. There is a difference between gaining perspective and losing grips of reality.

Random...Don't let phones and computers be too huge of a part of your life. There are real human beings around you.
 
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