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Masshole youth soccer coach no longer coaching

OSUsushichic

Fired up! Ready to go!
Go Green Death! :lol:

At some point in high school, I imagine every resident of Massachusetts read Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal." The point of the mandatory exercise, as far as I recall, was detecting satire. In this specific instance, one learns that Swift did not really condone the roasting, boiling, stewing, and eating of Irish babies. In fact, Swift is pointing out just the opposite?that the plight of the poor Irish is too commonly dismissed.

Scituate Youth Soccer coach Michael Kinahan's highly satirical pre-season letter to the parents of his new team resulted in his ousting for the season. Apparently the parents of the six-and-seven-year old girls playing in the league either a) missed that high school lesson on satire or b) disapprove of satirizing girls? youth soccer.

Before launching into his "suburban satire," Kinahan warns, "According to my wife, my emails get too wordy, so for those of you read too slowly, are easily offended, or are too busy, you can stop here. For the others??"

In the remainder of the email, he explains that the girls now play for "Green Death" and that the game is about winning at all costs and that "losing is for losers." Read the entire email here.

Some of the choicer lines include:

  • "We do not cater to superstars, but prefer the gritty determination of journeymen who bring their lunch pail to work every week, chase every ball and dig in corners like a Michael Vick pit bull."
  • "America's youth is becoming fat, lazy and non-competitive because competition is viewed as ?bad.? I argue that competition is good and is important to the evolution of our species and our survival in what has become an increasingly competitive global economy and dangerous world."
  • "I expect that the ladies be put on a diet of fish, undercooked red meat and lots of veggies. No junk food. Protein shakes are encouraged, and while blood doping and HGH use is frowned upon, there is no testing policy."
  • "But it is imperative that we all fight the good fight, get involved now and resist the urge to become sweat-xedo-wearing yuppies who sit on the sidelines in their LL Bean chairs sipping mocha-latte-half-caf-chinos while discussing reality TV and home decorating with other feeble-minded folks."
  • "Go Green Death!"
Some parents on team "Green Death" turned Kinahan in to the Board of Scituate Soccer, which did not share his sense of humor. In his resignation letter, Kinahan explains that the email was "meant as a satire of those who take youth sports too seriously for the wrong reasons."

One might argue that Kinahan?s antics are inappropriate for youth soccer and they might be right. Still, no one can honestly argue that such clearly over the top lines are meant to be taken seriously as some inconceivably attempted to do. As for the Scituate board of soccer, the problem of overzealous coaches is a more pressing concern than a humorous letter satirizing those coaches.
Scituate Coach Resigns, Satire Goes Unrecognized | Boston Daily
 
correct me if im wrong but isn't the average reading level in this country somewhere around the 6th grade level? with that in mind i suspect atleast half of them don't know what satire is to begin with.

i did enjoy the no drug testing policy bit. good stuff *snickers*. still, foolish thing to send out. though i have to admit, i expected considerably more sodomy in any news story of relevance coming out of a place called masshole... thump will not be amused.
 
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Good grief. If my kid's (If I was dumb enough to knock somebody up) coach sent that letter, I would piss myself laughing. What a crock.
 
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BUCKYLE;1442693; said:
I celebrated Earth hour by turning on every faucet and light in the house. I'm still celebrating.

I completely and totally did everything I could to use as much energy as I could during Enviro-hippie Hour. Every light was on, I was using all 4 burners on the stove AND had the oven on, I opened the door a bit on the Fridge and the ice chest so those compressors would have to work harder, I started BOTH cars and left them running AND, just for fun, I serviced my A/C units which entailed plugging them both in and kicking them on full blast. :biggrin:

And to stay on topic, fuck soccer.
 
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