• Follow us on Twitter @buckeyeplanet and @bp_recruiting, like us on Facebook! Enjoy a post or article, recommend it to others! BP is only as strong as its community, and we only promote by word of mouth, so share away!
  • Consider registering! Fewer and higher quality ads, no emails you don't want, access to all the forums, download game torrents, private messages, polls, Sportsbook, etc. Even if you just want to lurk, there are a lot of good reasons to register!

Mel Kiper (official thread of hair gel)

BuckeyeBill

All-American
Found this on the Brushback. I just knew it had to be something like this... :slappy:

http://www.thebrushback.com/melkiper_full.htm

Mel Kiper Totally Forgets About Draft
BRISTOL, CT--NFL draft guru Mel Kiper is scrambling to get up to speed on the this year’s draft after being reminded just two days ago that it was rapidly approaching. Kiper, who says he “totally forgot” about the draft until now, has been on the phone interviewing coaches and agents as he tries to cram for next weekend.

“Aaah! Shit shit shit!” yelled Kiper when it dawned on him that an entire year had gone by since the last draft. “What was I thinking? Oh, I’m so darn forgetful sometimes. I hope I can get up to speed before this weekend, otherwise I’m going to look pretty stupid on ESPN. I’m just going to have to start making stuff up, I guess. It’s not like anyone’s going to notice. I’ll just scream my opinions really loud so people have to take them seriously. It works for everyone else over there.”

Kiper attributed his forgetfulness to many factors, including his new hobby collecting stamps and his recent obsession with the reality show American Idol.

“I made a promise to myself after last year’s draft to broaden my horizons a little,” Kiper said. “You know, I was so burnt out from all the facts and figures and stats that I wanted to distance myself from it. One of my friends suggested stamp collecting, which is a very calm and relaxing way to pass your time. I’ve totally gotten into it. Plus, they put that show American Idol on twice every week. Twice! I don’t know why they do it, but it’s really gotten me hooked. I’m pulling for Scott Savol. He may be a little raw, but he has tremendous upside.”

Kiper is grateful that he happened upon an article in USA Today about Alex Smith two days ago. It was a complete accident, yet Kiper believes someone up there is looking out for him.

“Talk about a coincidence,” he said. “I’m totally forgetting about the draft, it’s like a week away and then—boom—there’s an article about one of the top picks. It hit me like a bolt of lightning. The draft! If I hadn’t eaten that burrito, I never would’ve had to take that dump, which means I never would’ve grabbed that copy of USA Today to read while I was on the hopper. Sometimes cosmic forces align just the right way and save your ass. Still, I am pretty far behind. I’ve got to call Butch Davis and see what the Browns are doing.”

Mel Kiper has been a draft fixture for years. His name is synonymous with the NFL draft. That’s what makes it so astounding that it could slip his mind for an entire year. His colleagues at ESPN were baffled upon hearing the news.

“Mel forgot about the draft? Is he on drugs?” asked a concerned Chris Berman, who will host ESPN’s draft coverage next weekend. “How could he forget? That’s all he does. It’s his whole damn life. That would be like Osama Bin Laden forgetting about crushing the crusaders or Santa Claus forgetting about Christmas. It just doesn’t add up. I knew I shouldn’t have suggested he get a life last year at the draft. If Mel Kiper gets a life, he’s not much use to anybody.”

Berman said that without Kiper, the rest of the staff has had to pick up the slack.

“I’ve had to do a lot of research on my own here,” he said. “Talk about a depressing job. You have to call scouts, agents, players, GM’s, you name it. They constantly lie and contradict themselves, too, so you never really know who to listen to. But the worst thing is, I’ve had to put in some long hours with Michael Irvin. Ugh. Talking to that guy is an ordeal. My ears are still ringing.”

Now that Kiper has the draft in his sights, he says there’s nothing to worry about. The guru has plenty of connections in the league and things are already starting to come together. By Saturday, he says he’ll be ready for anything.

“OK, let’s see, I’ve got my draft board ready to go here. I’ve got all the phone numbers of everyone I need to talk to, and most importantly, I’ve got a handful of amphetamines to keep me going,” he said. “So far I’ve ascertained this much: The 49ers and Dolphins might pick quarterbacks but they also might trade down; there’s no true favorite for the number one pick; and Cedric Benson’s stock has dropped. As far as my draft day analysis, I may have to wing it a little. How’s this sound? ‘So and so had a lousy showing at the combine, but so and so says his upside is tremendous. So and so also likes his instincts and athleticism. And so on. It probably doesn’t sound like much, but believe me, I can go a whole weekend armed with about a dozen actual facts and a couple versatile, all purpose cliches.”
 
Wouldn't you think that if Kiper was really an expert on evaluating college players and NFL team needs that some NFL team owner would pay him "big bucks" to be their director of player personnel?

Good article on his ability:

<TABLE height=25 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" background=http://img.slate.msn.com/images/banners/bg.gif border=0><TBODY><TR><TD width="100%"><TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 border=0><TBODY><TR><TD vAlign=top noWrap align=left>sports nut </TD><TD vAlign=bottom align=left>The stadium scene.</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Mel Kiper's Rough Draft
By Bryan Curtis
Posted Thursday, April 12, 2001, at 12:00 AM PT


Mel Kiper Jr. hasn't just covered the NFL draft for the past two decades. He's tried to shape it in his own image. By his early 20s, Kiper was the most revered draft guru in the country, producing his highly sought-after Draft Report in his parents' basement. In 1984, he became the high pundit of ESPN's annual coverage, tsk-tsking teams that failed to obey his commands. After one particularly repugnant selection by the New York Jets in 1989 (Virginia linebacker Jeff Lageman), Kiper grumbled, "It's obvious to me the Jets don't know what a draft's all about."

But neither does Mel. Last year, his mock draft proved worthless on Draft Day. His frequent on-air explosions—once a sure sign that a team had flubbed its pick—now show how poorly he anticipates the selection process. He has practically surrendered his guru status to Rick Gosselin, a little-known writer for the Dallas Morning News, who consistently upstages him. What happened? Kiper knows just as much as he ever did. That's precisely the problem.





In the early '80s, Kiper made a name for himself by outhustling every draftnik in the country. He watched hundreds of hours of game tape, hung around college all-star games, and became a message board for agents, players, and general managers. He collected the info in his annual Draft Report, in which he ranked hundreds of prospects by position—all this when as late as the 1960s, some NFL teams showed up on Draft Day with nothing more than a college football magazine. Kiper joined ESPN just as the draft was becoming a made-for-TV event, and for a whole new generation of fans, Mel's opinion seemed to carry a lot of weight.

But it didn't. NFL teams spend far more time studying the draft than Kiper does, pouring millions into scouting every Kutztown offensive lineman and Bethune-Cookman nose tackle. Teams assemble their own rankings by inviting prospects in for workouts and by patrolling the league's annual draft combine—events Mel isn't privy to. (Kiper's Web site brags that he works in an office hard-wired to receive 20-25 college games a week, but everyone else with a satellite dish can do this, too). Although his Draft Report is a bible for fans, general managers basically ignore it.

Judging by his mock drafts, Mel hasn't realized that. His Web site offers this ambiguous claim: "Mel's in-depth knowledge … has enabled him to accurately predict as much as 80 percent of first-round draft selections." Translation: At some point in the last two decades, 80 percent of the players Kiper thought would be drafted in the first round were drafted in the first round—never mind by what team or with which pick. Last year, Kiper didn't quite match that mark, but he still correctly predicted 77 percent of "first-round draft selections."

But when you look at his mock draft on a pick-by-pick basis—i.e., how he matched specific players with specific teams or, at least, specific picks—Kiper's batting average slipped to a dismal 29 percent. A few picks weren't even close. Three players he thought would be first-rounders fell more than 30 picks, and one, Georgia Tech wide receiver Dez White, fell 47 picks. Mel thought these players deserved to be first-round picks. The problem is, no NFL team agreed. It's Kiper's recurring fault: He substitutes his own rankings, which carry little weight, for in-depth reporting. And because he attempts only to understand the draft on his own terms, he doesn't understand it at all.

Gosselin, on the other hand, is less interested in his own rankings than in discovering exactly what's going to happen on Draft Day. His day-of mock draft, printed annually in the News' sports page, has become legendary in sportswriting circles. Using Kiper's "first-round draft selections" criteria, last year Gosselin scored a superior 87 percent. On a pick-by-pick basis, he completely outclassed Kiper, accurately predicting more than half of the first round. And near the end of his mock draft, when Mel had switched to autopilot, Gosselin nailed four of the final eight picks.

How does Gosselin do it? Simple. He calls his sources around the league and asks them which player their team is going to pick. He realizes that calling oneself a "guru" in any sport necessitates understanding the event one purports to be a guru of. And understanding the NFL draft can be achieved only through relentless reporting. Despite all the 40 times, vertical leaps, and maximum bench presses Kiper can rattle off from memory, he just doesn't do enough reporting to get a grasp on which teams will pick which players.

It's one thing when one draft reporter outworks another. It's another when would-be college prospects read Kiper's rankings as gospel and assume the rest of the NFL agrees. Last year, Virginia Tech running back Shyrone Stith left college after his junior season with dreams of securing a hefty NFL contract. And why not? Kiper had him pegged as the 46<SUP>th</SUP>-best player in the draft, a sure-fire second-round pick.

After two days of waiting, Stith was selected by the Jacksonville Jaguars with the 243<SUP>rd</SUP> pick overall. He now earns the NFL's minimum salary and spends most of his time on the bench. He lost, at the very least, a shot at a college degree and possibly the chance to improve both his draft position and the size of his contract. In a post-draft chat on ESPN.com, despite having overestimated the NFL's interest in Stith by nearly 200 picks, Kiper was unmoved: "Everybody has to be held responsible for their own decisions." Everybody, that is, except Mel Kiper.

http://slate.msn.com/id/104163/#ContinueArticle
 
Upvote 0
Kiper has no reason to go to any NFL team, assuming any would ever want him. He's got his publication, his web site, and his job with ESPN. Odds are he's making more than most of us, and he's doing it by following, writing and talking about football 365 days a year. Not bad work if you can get it.

Somehow, I doubt Mel cares what some writers and message board posters think of him, so long as he still has his gig. Any college player who leaves early, solely because Mel says he "can't miss" is a moron, and deserves his fate.
 
Upvote 0
The exchange between Kiper and Polian(?) back in the day was absolutely hysterical. A close second to Jim Everet(sp?) and Jim Rome in the all time classic sports talk show happenings. That was when ESPN still had something to offer.

The second most memorable tirade was when they had the former Bills punter who does Sunday Night Football(McGuire?) doing the draft with Kiper and the Bills took Ronnie Harmon back in the late 80's. The Bills were loaded at RB at the time and they both lost their freaking minds on camera. I can still hear McGuire(sp?) yelling "Ronnie Harmon !!??" , he all but put the "fucking" in for his middle name. It was absolutely classic.
 
Upvote 0
img7286439.jpg
Kiper: Uhhh hello... my name is Mel Kiper Jr. and I absolutely love the NFL draft. Just thinking about it makes me get shivers inside. I know some people say I suck at picking, but I'd say 25% correct in the first round is pretty good.

Reporter: But Mr. Kiper, didn't you make about 5 mocks, each one having most teams taking different people?

Kiper: Uh yes, that way it makes me feel good because i can tell evreryone i predicted it!

Reporter: Wow you have some serious problems... I mean that is very interesting. Umm some people have told you that you look like a vampire, does that bother you at all?

Kiper: Umm no not really because i dont really care what other people think... my only friend is the draft

Reporter: Umm yea, whatever... Mr. Kiper you said before the draft that it would "be a reach" if Jason Campbell was drafted #24 overall... however when Campbell was taken #25 overall you said he was "a very solid quarterback … accurate to the extreme." Does one spot make that mcu of a difference?

Kiper: Umm no comment.

Reporter: Wow you are about the crappiest draft analyst ever. Truely a disgrace to a truthful and reliable (cough cough) news source like ESPN.

Kiper: I'm going to go bury myself in next year's draft now...

Reporter: Good.. Mike Williams #1, yea right...

i_kiper_hi.jpg



That one was made up by me but I thought this one was pretty good too although it was from a few years ago...

http://www.lostbrain.com/sports/brandon/draft/kiper.html
 
Upvote 0
coastalbuck said:
I just wanna know whats up with his haircut. That was the worst! I couldn't stop looking at his hair. :lol:
Somewhere I have seen a picture of Mel done up with Don Kings Wig.
Edit -- found it
It looks eerily appropriate, sort of like seeing him in his future Blue Hair days.

As for his draft predictions. Our mock draft, with all its quirks, in 2 + rounds made more sense in filling teams needs than his ever does over seven.

As for Curtis' take on Gosselin -- he is spot on., definitely worth reading.
 

Attachments

  • Kiper_WiggedOut.jpg
    Kiper_WiggedOut.jpg
    14.5 KB · Views: 31
Last edited:
Upvote 0
KIPER HIGH ON BUCKS. Folks, it seems to me that Ohio State might be good next year.

ffba1035f0b8f9df44c0fd83ba2d63bb_bigger.jpeg
Bill Rabinowitz @brdispatch
Among underclassmen, Kiper ranks Cardale Jones his No. 3 QB, Elliott No. 1 RB, Michael Thomas No. 4 WR, Pat Elflein No. 1 guard ...
11:18 AM - 3 Jul 2015

ffba1035f0b8f9df44c0fd83ba2d63bb_bigger.jpeg
Bill Rabinowitz @brdispatch
Kiper lists Joey Bosa as No. 1 on his overall "Big Board." Other underclassmen:biggrin:arron Lee is No. 1 OLB, Vonn Bell is No. 3 safety.
11:21 AM - 3 Jul 2015

ffba1035f0b8f9df44c0fd83ba2d63bb_bigger.jpeg
Bill Rabinowitz @brdispatch
Among seniors, Kiper has Nick Vannett as No. 1 TE, Taylor Decker as No. 1 OT, Adolphus Washington No. 1 DT, Joshua Perry is No. 3 OLB.
11:24 AM - 3 Jul 2015

Is this team the most decorated preseason team ever? Because it feels like it, and I — the man on the couch with the Wifi connection – do not like it.

Entire article: http://www.elevenwarriors.com/skull-sessions/2015/07/55469/july-4th-skull-session
 
Upvote 0
Back
Top