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Mike Tyson Punch-Out stereotypes

Discussion in 'Open Discussion (Work-safe)' started by BuckeyeTillIDie, Aug 29, 2004.

  1. BuckeyeTillIDie

    BuckeyeTillIDie The North Remembers

    :lol: :lol:
    Saw this on collegehumor.com

    I figured something was up when Soda Popinski always had a bottle to drink in his corner...



    Here's the Rocky wannabe.

    [​IMG]
    First in the Pain Gauntlet?

    o-----------o
    | Glass Joe |
    o-----------o

    [​IMG]
    Rank: #2 on Minor Circuit
    Record: 1-99 (1 KO)
    Origin: Paris, France
    Age: 38
    Weight: 110 lbs.

    Trash Talk: "This is my last match! I'm too old for fighting!"
    "Make it quick... I want to retire!"
    "Do I have time to take a nap before the fight?"
    "Watch the jaw!! don't hit my jaw!"

    Commentary: The weak frenchman. I mean... I'm surprised that his special move didn't involve shoving a loaf of bread in his armpits, tying a white flag to it and then beating Mac with his stench-soaked baked goods.... while having the clap and smoking cigarettes.

    o-------------o
    | Von Kaiser |
    o-------------o

    [​IMG]
    Rank: #1 on Minor Circuit
    Record: 23-13 (10 KO)
    Origin: Berlin, Germany
    Age: 42
    Weight: 144

    Trash Talk: "Surrender! Or I will conquer you!"
    "I will teach you a lesson. You will fall down!"
    "I was a boxing teacher...at the military academy!"

    Commentary: First off... his name is KAISER. I mean.. he's not goosestepping into battle or anything... but still.. his brown pants look perfect to start the 4th Reich. I wonder if that "Surrender" line worked on ol' Frenchie Joe.

    o----------------o
    | Piston Honda |
    o----------------o

    [​IMG]
    Rank: Minor Circuit Champion, #5 on World Circuit
    Record: 26-1 (18 KO), 26-2 (18 KO)
    Origin: Tokyo, Japan
    Age: 28
    Weight: 174 lbs.

    Trash Talk: "Where is the NHK TV camera? Hello, Tokyo!"
    "I'll give you a TKO from Tokyo!"
    "You should wear a helmet when you fight me!"
    "Sushi, Kamikaze, Fujiyama, Nipponichi..."
    "I still remember our first fight. Now I'm gonna make you pay back, Banzai!!" (second fight only)

    Commentary: This Minority Circuit Champion rounds out the WW2 portion of the game. Besides the helmet comment and the kamikaze reference, he also brings to mind one of the facts that I'm sure the boys could have used when fighting the Japanese: apparently, before their most furious attacks... they tend to squint their already small eyes as a force of habit. But keep that under your hat, future Allies.

    o----------------o
    | Don Flamenco |
    o----------------o

    [​IMG]
    Rank: #3 on Major Circuit, #2 on World Circuit
    Record: 22-3 (9 KO), 22-4 (9 KO)
    Origin: Madrid, Spain
    Age: 23
    Weight: 152 lbs.

    Trash Talk: "People like my hair. Don't mess my hair!"
    "Hey! Mr. Referee Mario. I like your hair!"
    "I'm a beautiful fighter. I have such a style!"
    "Carmen my love...I dance so sweet for you!"
    "Flamenco strikes back!! Return of Don!" (second fight only)

    Commentary: My guess is that the Don here is either bi or metrosexual. It's rare that anyone can have both a kink for his girlfriend Carmen (unless that's his lover's stage name) and fat, Italian, bow-tied plumber. But after ditching his rhinestoned cape and dancing out to the middle of the ring like he's a part of a Village People revival, a couple jabs to the jaw drops him to his knees quicker than a ship full of sailors pulling into port (and harder than a derailed train).

    o--------------o
    | King Hippo |
    o--------------o

    [​IMG]
    Rank: #2 on Major Circuit
    Record: 18-9 (18 KO)
    Origin: Hippo Island, South Pacific
    Age: ??
    Weight: ???

    Trash Talk: "Do you like my new trunks? They are size XXX Large! Ha Ha Ha!"
    "I feel like eating. After I win, lets go to lunch! Ha Ha Ha!"
    "I have my weakness. But I won't tell you! Ha Ha Ha!"
    "Ha Ha Ha! I'm the king! Ha Ha Ha!"

    Commentary: Ah.. the Islander. Hmm... I've never been to the South Pacific.. so this was a bit of a surprise to me. Apparently, the dark marks over their eyes means that they're part racoon. He managed to squeeze out of his grass skirt and into some shorts, apparently. And... a steady diet of pineapple and coconut has lead to tooth loss from scurvy... and throw in roasted pigs from beach parties, and you get the obesity. And the crown is a relic from when their monarchy was overthrown by filthy westerners.

    o---------------o
    | Great Tiger |
    o---------------o

    [​IMG]
    Rank: #1 on Major Circuit
    Record: 24-5 (3 KO)
    Origin: Bombay, India
    Age: 29
    Weight: 132 lbs.

    Trash Talk: "A kitten is no match for a tiger!"
    "So a pussycat wants to fight a tiger?"
    "Beware of my tiger punch!"
    "I have purred long enough! Now hear me roar!"

    Commentary: Well... it's nice to see Jafar's younger brother breaking into the biz. But yes... as the British probably learned after years of pointless occupation there, the strongest (coming out of Bombay the hard way) have their Achilles' heel (or Gandhi's stomach.. whatever you want to call it). Before they start using their inherent yoga skills and tiger skins to teleport and fly around, the jewel in their turban flashes like some sort of sick Ganges rave strobelight. That and they often make cat puns.

    o-----------------o
    | Soda Popinski |
    o-----------------o

    [​IMG]
    Rank: #4 on World Circuit
    Record: 33-2 (24 KO)
    Origin: Moscow, U.S.S.R. (this was made when Soviet Union existed!)
    Age: 35
    Weight: 237 lbs.

    Trash Talk: "After you lose, we'll drink to your health! Ha, ha, ha!"
    "Would you like some punch to drink? Ha, ha, ha!"
    "I drink to prepare for a fight. Tonight I am very prepared!"
    "I'm going to make you feel punch drunk!"
    "I can't drive, so I'm gonna walk all over you!"

    Commentary: Hmm.. not really sure what to say. He's a drunk Russian whose's country collapsed. And he doesn't even have the Soviet Dignity to be made a bitch by Rocky or Mr. T or some other true example of the joys of capitalism.

    P.S. His head is shaped like a penis. And for some reason has a Fu Manchu mustache.

    o--------------o
    | Mike Tyson |
    o--------------o

    [​IMG]
    Rank: Dynamite Kid
    Record: 31-0 (27 KO)
    Origin: Catskill, New York, U.S.A.
    Age: 21

    Weight: 220 lbs.

    Trash Talk: "Hey! Is this kid a joke? Where's the real challenger?"
    "You think the speed of your fingers can match the strength of my fists?"
    "Your experience doesn't match mine. Go home and practice!"
    "They say I can't lose. I say you can't win!"
    "Great fighting !! You were tough, Mac! I never seen such finger
    speed before." (after you beat him)

    Commentary: Man.. who would have known that the ear-biting, facially tattooed rapist would have been so damn marketable. I mean.. it true is a testament to the American dream. "First you get the money... then you get the power... then you get the consenting women... then you get the fiesty ones."
     
  2. BuckeyeNation27

    BuckeyeNation27 Goal Goal USA! Staff Member

    this was nintendos best game. either this or tecmo bowl. i would spend hours upon hours with it.

    now i think youve prompted me to go download an NES emulator and this game.
     
  3. BuckNutty

    BuckNutty Hear The Drummer Get Wicked Staff Member Bookie

    I always hated Bald Bull and that damn bull charge. Trying to land that left jab to the body was always tricky.

    [​IMG]
     
  4. BuckeyeNation27

    BuckeyeNation27 Goal Goal USA! Staff Member

    this was so weird. i downloaded an emulator and mike tysons punch out and started playing....then i got to this weird glitch:

    [​IMG]

    then i had mili kick his ass in 1 second!

    [​IMG]

    mili knocked him down 3 times in 1 second!
     
  5. LoKyBuckeye

    LoKyBuckeye I give up. This board is too hard to understand. Staff Member

    man does that bring back some memories! I used to spend hours on that game... I hated the hippo guy. I don't remember if I ever beat Tyson or not...
     
  6. osugrad21

    osugrad21 Capo Regime Staff Member

    Wow that was a flashback
     
  7. tibor75

    tibor75 Banned

    Yeah, like Mili would really have a black guy in his corner. :roll1:
     

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