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Revised definitions

Discussion in 'Open Discussion (Work-safe)' started by CCI, Feb 23, 2005.

  1. CCI

    CCI Metal Rules

    Please update your dictionaries to reflect the definitions that have been revised to reflect modern usage:

    ARGUMENT - A discussion that occurs when you're right, but your opponent just hasn't realized it yet.
    PATIENCE - The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."
    MACINTOSH - The missing link between Nintendo and IBM.
    JUNK - Stuff we throw away.
    STUFF - Junk we keep.
    JURY - A group chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.
    SAINT - A person who behaves decently in an indecent society (Kurt Vonnegut)
    ADOLESCENCE - A stage between infancy and adultery.
    MODERN ART - What happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.
    EXPERIENCE - Recognizing a mistake when you've made it again.
    SECRET - Something you tell to one person at a time.
    ADMIRATION - Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
    ALCOHOLIC - Someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
    DRUG - A substance that, when injected into a rat, produces a scientific paper.
    FRIENDS - People who know you well, but like you anyway.
    GAMBLING - The sure way of getting nothing for something.
    HAPPINESS - An illusion caused by the temporary absence of reality
    IRS - Income Reduction Service.
    JUSTICE - A decision in your favor.
    LAWYER - The larval stage of politicians.
    LIBERAL - Too poor to be a capitalist, too rich to be a Communist.
    ON-LINE - The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.
    OPTIMISM - A guy who gets married at ninety and buys a house near a school.
    PARANOID - Someone who just figured out what's going on.
    PESSIMIST - A well-informed optimist.
    OPTIMIST - A well-instructed pessimist.
    CONSCIENCE - That which hurts when everything else feels so good.
    POLITICALLY CORRECT - Always having to say you're sorry.
    LOGIC - The art of being wrong with confidence.
    MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.
    COMPUTER - A device designed to speed up and automate errors.
    MARRIAGE - 1. A very expensive way to get your laundry done. 2. A triumph of imagination over intelligence.
    POLITICS - Poli (many) - tics (blood sucking parasites)
    MULTITASKING - Reading in the bathroom.
    BUDGET - A method for going broke methodically.
    TOE - A part of the foot used to find furniture in the dark.
     

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