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Rules for Dating my Daughter

Discussion in 'Open Discussion (Work-safe)' started by NorthShoreBuck, Jul 31, 2004.

  1. NorthShoreBuck

    NorthShoreBuck True Madness Requires Significant Intelligence

    Rules for dating my daughter
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    Rule One: I am aware that it is concidered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off your hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are idiots. Still, I want to be fair. You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants 10 sizes to big, and I will not object. However, to ensure that your pants do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place at your waist.




    Rule Two: I'm sure that you have been told that in today's world sex without a barrier can be deadly. Let me elaborate: When it comes to sex, I am the barrier and I will kill you.

    Rule Three: I have no doubt the you are a popular fellow, with many oppurtunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my daughter, you will continue to date no one but her until she is through with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

    Rule Four: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not fidget and complain. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup -- a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there why don't you do something useful, like change the oil in my car?

    Rule Five: The following places are not approporiate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are sofas, beds or anything softer than a wooden stool or folding chair; places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight; places where there is darkness; places where the ambient temperature would induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts or anything other than overalls, a sweater and a goose down parka, zipped up to her chin. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

    Rule 6: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been, but on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.


    Rule 7: Be careful, be very careful. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When the flashbacks start, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean my guns as I sit at home waiting for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway, you should exit your car, with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safetly and early, then return to your car. There is no need for you to come inside. The camoflauged face in the window is mine.
     
  2. Buckeyeskickbuttocks

    Buckeyeskickbuttocks Z --> Z^2 + c Staff Member

    An oldie but a goodie. As a father of a daughter, I plan on scaring the shit out of prospective suitors one day. Howie Mandel once said, "Yep, I'm somebodies dad. You know what that means? One day, someone is going to want to date my daughter, and they're going to have to meet ME!" Mandel, for those of you who forgot or don't know, was ... how do we say... kinda kooky. Anyway, I feel the same way... one day some little schmuck is gonna have to meet me.
     
  3. Buckeye513

    Buckeye513 Stable Genius

    I have to meet my girlfriend's Dad tonight. Thanks for scaring the shit out of me.
     
  4. gregorylee

    gregorylee I'd rather be napping!!

    513, please understand that as fathers, to us, this is a game. You really have two choices.

    The first choice is to play along, allow the father to think you are intimidated. Please do not act like he scares the shit out of you. This will make him think you have a reason to be scared and he will distrust you.

    The second choice is to not allow him to intimidate you, be repectful no matter what, but do not show that he intimidates you. This I would think (at least for me) is the prefered method. It shows two things, that you are a man, and that you have no reason to be afraid. Even if you are porking his little baby!!!! :biggrin:
     
  5. Buckeye513

    Buckeye513 Stable Genius

    But I do have something to be afraid of. He's 6'3(4 inches taller than I am), he just happens to be on prohbation, and the first time I saw him, he looked at me like he was gonna set me on fire. I'm very afraid. I'm only 14 by the way, so he could propably kill me.
     
  6. gregorylee

    gregorylee I'd rather be napping!!

    Ok, so maybe you do have a reason to be afraid :)

    Just be respectful, and don't ask him if he took one in the ass while in the joint!! :lol:
     
  7. RugbyBuck

    RugbyBuck Our church has no bells.

    It's not a game, GL. Unless that game is mortal combat. :) I've got about 7-8 years left to figure out how to survive it. The best I can come up with is to train the hell out of my daughters so that they will be able to handle themselves. Guys, on the whole, are scavengers. We don't fuck around with the prey that has talons and teeth such that you might make the kill, but you'll pay for the attempt. We marry them, but we don't fuck around with those while we're dating. What's the point? There are plenty of less prepared and dangerous girls out there. Take out the weak ones, separate them from the herd. No muss, no fuss. Mine won't be like that. Mine will kick your ass and then trash talk you at school the next day about how a girl kicked your ass b/c you didn't know enough to treat her correctly. Also, there are two of them and I'm going to teach them to attack as a unit. Fuck with one and you've fucked with both. There's hell to pay and it doesn't have to come from me.

    The worst part about this whole thing is that you lose, no matter what, at least until the grandchildren come along.
     
  8. gregorylee

    gregorylee I'd rather be napping!!

    I can't say much about looking forward to the same as you since I am the father of two boys. That said, what you are talking about when I was younger was look onto as being a "challenge". It was the nice ones that I didn't want to screw over. Once I turned 17 or so, the fathers didn't intimidate me anymore either. All that said, as I have mentioned before I went to Columbus West HS, so the caliber of female wasn't usually of the highest standard, and if you were just looking to find a girl to get some. You knew where to go.

    Raise your daughters with morals and that should save them but from the most cruel of guys, educate them, and that should save them from the rest. A girls worst enemy when it comes to this sort of thing is low self esteem. Again, these are just my opinions, it sounds as though you are giving it quite a bit of thought.
     
  9. NorthShoreBuck

    NorthShoreBuck True Madness Requires Significant Intelligence

    GL

    You beat me to it.

    All you can do is raise them the best you can and hope they make the right decision.

    I have two daughters myself. At various times in my younger days I was very active in the dating scene. A nice way of saying I was not so nice? I joke that god is trying to get back at me for my jaded past.

    My oldest has a friend that is a boy. The kids at school tease them about dating and kissing. They are only ten! They have gone to the movies together with the moms. My wife works at the school; his mom teaches at the church. They have both commented on how the kids and their friends feel so much pressure to look good and be cool. We are trying to let them be kids as long as possible but still teach them about making the best choice.

    Now my younger one is a different story. She will not go out of the house unless she looks just right; she is 5! On the other hand she is in gymnastics and is very competitive and has gone head to head with boys and beaten them. My wife, who works at the school, has told the school to call me when they have discipline problems with the youngest one. This one will get in trouble but I suspect she will be leading the boys, not the other way around.

    I posted this along with the jokes and the personality disorder test to take a break from the political threads. I am losing my beach attitude I acquired two weeks ago.
     
  10. RugbyBuck

    RugbyBuck Our church has no bells.

    GL and Bucknola, very well-stated points to which I wholly agree. I'm not nearly as militant about it as my last post, but I do want them to be able to handle themselves and have the self-esteem and self respect that will allow them to think and act for themselves. Besides, we're spending an ass load of money to educate them and, as my dad said to me after my first quarter of college, "my money is a terrible thing to waste." :)
     
  11. buckeyebri

    buckeyebri It’s A Beautiful Day

    I have a thirteen year old and I am having a difficult time with the possibilities. She has a friend whose older sister from all we can tell is probably sexually active (15). That scares me even more.

    Hopefully as was stated, we have raised her well and she will be smart about things. Just don't watch any talk shows like Oprah where a 14 year old girl tells her that giving a blow job is nothing more than kissing a guy.

    Holy Frickin Cow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  12. haha

    That's Great!
    I have a 16 yrd old son, he just returned from Austria and his mates were telling me all about this little brit that my son was "making out with"

    do I say: "good job"? what the heck? are you crazy? did you get anything? nothing?

    I'm stuck on this one, lol
     

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