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Summer Blockbuster Season!

3yardsandacloud

Administrator Emeritus
Summer Blockbuster Season!
written by LordJeffBuck (6/12/2004)

Summer Blockbuster Season!

Well, it's officially summer blockbuster season, and LJB is here to break down this year's top films:

Troy - You say that seeing Orlando Bloom in an aluminum mini skirt doesn't excite you? Then watch another Trojan do battle - Troy, Ohio's own Todd Denlinger. Witness Denlinger, in full armor, roam the gridiron like a true field general, leading charges into enemy territory, sacking opposing quarterbacks, cutting down rival ball carriers, and taking no prisoners. Epic!

Mean Girls - You weren't actually thinking about seeing this teen chick flick, were you? I hope not! Check out some mean guys instead, offensive linemen Alex Boone from Lakewood and Jim Cordle from Lancaster. At 6'8", 300 pounds, Boone effortlessly flattens defenders time and again - opponents simply don't stand a chance against St. Ed's Incredible Hulk. Cordle flies around the field, pulling left, pulling right, pummeling any poor fool who gets in his way. These two enjoy being nasty - and that's nice!

Spider-Man 2 - Tired of sequels? Then skip Spidey 2, but don't miss out on Glenville IV. Elite 11 quarterback Troy Smith got this popular series off and running in 2002; Donte Whitner and Dareus Hiley continued the successful run in 2003; last year, superstar Ted Ginn, Jr. won an Oscar® for best all-around performance on a football field, and Curtis Terry shone in a cameo appearance. Glenville IV stars Jamario O'Neal and Freddie Lenix as a pair of assassins who hunt down enemy ball carriers, with strong support from henchmen Tim Conner, Curtis Smith, and Michael Russell. Definitely a modern classic!

Shrek 2 - The big green ogre is back - ho hum. Now if you want to see a real monster, then check out Melvin Alaeze, from Randallstown, Maryland, a 6'3", 273-pound defensive end with 4.54 speed. Watch Melvin tear around the field like the Tasmanian Devil, going over, around, and through hapless linemen, relentlessly pursuing ball carriers across the length and breadth of the field, wreaking havoc and devastation wherever he goes. As a fullback on offense, he has as much grace and subtlety as a bull in a china shop - which is fine by me!

Kill Bill, Volume 2 - You don't care who Bill is, or why anyone would want to kill him? Then watch another Bill at work, quarterback Bill Stull from Pittsburgh. See Bill coolly set up command in the pocket, scan the opposition for weaknesses, then gun the ball all over the field, silently carving up defenses with a flick of his wrist. When his minions up front give him enough time, Bill goes for the kill by unleashing the bomb! Action-packed, thrill-a-minute excitement!

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - You don't believe in magic? Well, if Harry Potter can't convince you, then maybe Jacksonville's Maurice Wells can. Watch MoW enter a hole at the line of scrimmage and magically re-appear 20 yards downfield! See him take a pitch and fly down the sidelines, untouched for 80 yards! Gasp in amazement as he mesmerizes defenders with a flurry of spins, feints, and jukes! Abracadabra, alla kazam - he's gone!

Super Size Me - Do you really want to watch some blubbery film geek hang out at the Golden Arches all day long? I didn't think so. If you truly want super size, then check out this half-ton trio from the east coast. Mammoth Eugene Monroe (6'7", 330 lbs), from Plainfield, New Jersey, routinely squashes defenders from his left tackle position, making him one of the most highly-touted recruits in the nation. Defensive tackle Kade Weston, a 6'6", 312-pound behemoth from Red Bank, New Jersey, takes out the whole middle of the line with his massive rush. The best of the lot might be gargantuan Callahan Bright, a 6'2", 315-pound defensive tackle from Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania, who is simply an unblockable, unstoppable force in center of the defense. All I can say is - Huge!

Don't miss these star-making performances, now playing at a theatre near you!

Rivals
The Insiders
Vanilla Gorilla
 
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