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Tasteless Jokes

Discussion in 'Open Discussion (Work-safe)' started by AZBUCKFAN, Jun 2, 2004.

  1. iambrutus

    iambrutus Screw Blue

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"
    Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."
    So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.
    The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
    So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."
    To which the mother replied, "April fool!"
    OCBuckWife and Thump like this.
  2. Thump

    Thump Hating the environment since 1994

    AHHHH! :slappy:
  3. iambrutus

    iambrutus Screw Blue

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
    Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
    The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
  4. OCBuckWife

    OCBuckWife I am the evil monkey in your closet

    Oh damnit! And I just repped you for the post just previous!

  5. Ginn4Heisman

    Ginn4Heisman Newbie

    Q: What is the best thing about dating a "homeless" woman?
    A: You can drop her off anywhere.

    Q: Did you hear about the new radio station with the call letters WPMS?
    A: It has a monthly programming cycle that is three weeks of the blues
    followed by one week of ragtime.

    A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?
    The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.”
    “Yes, you see them and they make you cry.”
    CCI and Buckeyedynasty like this.
  6. BrutuStrength

    BrutuStrength It's time to bring it! Staff Member

    Q: What type of bird never gets pregnant?

    A: A swallow.
  7. iambrutus

    iambrutus Screw Blue


  8. iambrutus

    iambrutus Screw Blue

    There once was a hermit named Dave,
    Who kept a dead whore in his cave.
    She was missing a tit.
    She smelled like shit.
    But think of the money he saved!
  9. iambrutus

    iambrutus Screw Blue

    How does a mother from Arkansas know when her daughter is on the rag?

    Her son?s dick tastes different
    NJ-Buckeye likes this.
  10. Big Papa

    Big Papa Urban!!!!

    The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?" "There is," he replied. "Breakfast."
    Thump likes this.
  11. Big Papa

    Big Papa Urban!!!!

    Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day,
    and they both go before St. Peter to find out if they'll be admitted
    to heaven.
    Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so St.
    Peter must decide which of them gets in. St. Peter asks Dolly
    if there's some particular reason why she should go to heaven,
    so she takes off her top and says, "Look at these. They're the
    most perfect ones God ever created, and I'm sure it will please
    Him to be able to see them every day for eternity."
    St. Peter thanks Dolly, and asks Queen Liz the same
    question. She then drops her skirt and panties, takes a bottle
    of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and douches with it.
    St. Peter says, "OK, Your Majesty, you may go in."
    Dolly is outraged. She screams, "What was that all
    about? I show you two of God's own creations, she does
    THAT and gets in and I don't?!!!"
    "Sorry, Dolly," says St. Peter, "but a royal flush beats
    a pair any day."

    Q: What did the lesbian vampire say to her girlfriend?
    A: See you next month.

    While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with
    communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the
    instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know
    each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man,
    "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
    Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and
    whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"
    OCBucksFan likes this.
  12. Saw31

    Saw31 High Seas Rogue

    A man walks into the bedroom carrying a goat in his arms. His wife is laying in the bed.

    The man says "Here's the pig I've been fucking."

    The wife says "Honey, that's a goat, not a pig."

    The man says "I wasn't talking to you."
    TresselForPrez likes this.
  13. iambrutus

    iambrutus Screw Blue

    An Indian walks into a 24/7 corner shop and asks for toilet
    paper. The clerk asks if he would like No Name, Charmin, or
    White Cloud.

    "White Cloud sounds like good Indian toilet paper," says the
    Indian. "How much is it?"

    "$1.00 a roll," the clerk replies.

    "That seems pretty expensive," responds the Indian. "What about
    the others?"

    "Charmin is $2.00 a roll and No Name is 50 cents a roll."

    The Indian doesn't have much money so he opts for the no name.
    The next day the indian is back at the 24/7. "I have a name for
    the No Name toilet paper," he announces to the clerk. "We shall
    call it John Wayne."

    "Why?" asks the confused clerk.

    "Cause it's rough and it's tough and it don't take no shit off
    an Indian."
  14. iambrutus

    iambrutus Screw Blue

    How do you get a Native American in a shower?

    Put a beer in it.

    How do you get him out?

    Turn on the shower.
    Ginn4Heisman likes this.
  15. Jimmy Carter

    Jimmy Carter Admiring my Peace Prize

    Q: What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina?

    A: Only some of the things that come out of her vagina are retarded.
    OCBuckWife likes this.

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