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[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"
Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."
So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.
The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."
To which the mother replied, "April fool!"
[/FONT]
 
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iambrutus;916310; said:
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?" [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning." [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again." [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see." [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]To which the mother replied, "April fool!"[/FONT]



AHHHH! :slappy:
 
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[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
[/FONT]
 
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iambrutus;916312; said:
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
[/FONT]

Oh damnit! And I just repped you for the post just previous!

Vrep!:biggrin:
 
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Q: What is the best thing about dating a "homeless" woman?
A: You can drop her off anywhere.



Q: Did you hear about the new radio station with the call letters WPMS?
A: It has a monthly programming cycle that is three weeks of the blues
followed by one week of ragtime.



A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?
The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.”
“Onions?”
“Yes, you see them and they make you cry.”
 
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The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?" "There is," he replied. "Breakfast."
 
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Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day,
and they both go before St. Peter to find out if they'll be admitted
to heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so St.
Peter must decide which of them gets in. St. Peter asks Dolly
if there's some particular reason why she should go to heaven,
so she takes off her top and says, "Look at these. They're the
most perfect ones God ever created, and I'm sure it will please
Him to be able to see them every day for eternity."
St. Peter thanks Dolly, and asks Queen Liz the same
question. She then drops her skirt and panties, takes a bottle
of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and douches with it.
St. Peter says, "OK, Your Majesty, you may go in."
Dolly is outraged. She screams, "What was that all
about? I show you two of God's own creations, she does
THAT and gets in and I don't?!!!"
"Sorry, Dolly," says St. Peter, "but a royal flush beats
a pair any day."


Q: What did the lesbian vampire say to her girlfriend?
A: See you next month.



MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with
communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the
instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know
each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and
whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"
 
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An Indian walks into a 24/7 corner shop and asks for toilet
paper. The clerk asks if he would like No Name, Charmin, or
White Cloud.

"White Cloud sounds like good Indian toilet paper," says the
Indian. "How much is it?"

"$1.00 a roll," the clerk replies.

"That seems pretty expensive," responds the Indian. "What about
the others?"

"Charmin is $2.00 a roll and No Name is 50 cents a roll."

The Indian doesn't have much money so he opts for the no name.
The next day the indian is back at the 24/7. "I have a name for
the No Name toilet paper," he announces to the clerk. "We shall
call it John Wayne."

"Why?" asks the confused clerk.

"Cause it's rough and it's tough and it don't take no shit off
an Indian."
 
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