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"The Rules"

Discussion in 'Open Discussion (Work-safe)' started by CCI, Apr 1, 2005.

  1. CCI

    CCI Metal Rules

    We always hear "the rules"
    from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
    Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
    Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

    1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
    :osu:
     
  2. BuckeyeNation27

    BuckeyeNation27 Goal Goal USA! Staff Member

    :slappy:

    i like this one: 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
     
  3. BuckeyeSkins

    BuckeyeSkins Go Bucks/Hail to the Redskins!!

    Excellent!!
     
  4. LoKyBuckeye

    LoKyBuckeye I give up. This board is too hard to understand.

    BINGO!!

    :slappy:
     
  5. Cornerback6

    Cornerback6 Optimism Lover

    My two favorites hands down. A: I've learned to go into Vicki's myself and pick up whatever I generally want my girl to wear. So far so good...I REALLY like those tanga panties. B: There are a LOT of fat girls out there and I'm a painfully honest guy. I've been slapped for this before and it really chapped me up considering the girl was legitimately fat.
     
  6. BrutusBobcat

    BrutusBobcat Icon and Entertainer

    I've dated repeat violators of these three rules:

    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

    NEVER AGAIN!
     
  7. NightmaresDad

    NightmaresDad Woody Rules!

    That's the same one that jumped out at me.
    i tell my wife all the time, "There's no way in Hell I'm going to answer that question", becaues usually either way you go, you are screwed (and not in a good way)
     
  8. Steve19

    Steve19 Watching. Always watching. Staff Member

    Sorry BB, but all women are repeat offenders of these rules. Some just hide it well for a few years!
     

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