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This is killer, Who at BP does this?????

Discussion in 'Open Discussion (Work-safe)' started by CCI, Jan 3, 2005.

  1. CCI

    CCI Metal Rules

  2. lowkarma

    lowkarma Rookie

    Classic..... what more can you say?
  3. On a related note (see last couple of lines):

    > > 8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses

    > > 8:30 Weigh in 2 pounds lighter than yesterday

    > > 8:45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants

    > >open presents:

    > > expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner

    > > 9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil

    > >10:00 Light work out at club with sexy funny personal trainer

    > >10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry

    > >12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe

    > >12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notices she has gained 17pounds

    > > 1:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit

    > > 3:00 Nap

    > > 4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret

    > >admirer

    > > 4:15 Light work out at club, followed by

    > > massage from strong but gentle hunk, who says he rarely gets

    > >to work on such a perfect body

    > > 5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before

    > >full length mirror

    > > 7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments

    > >received from other diners/dancers

    > >10:00 Hot shower (alone, thank you)

    > >10:50 Carried off to bed (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen) by

    > >hunk

    > >11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling

    > >11:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms


    > > 6:00 Alarm

    > > 6:15 Blow job

    > > 6:30 Massive satisfying shit while reading the sports section

    > > 7:00 Breakfast: steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked

    > >buxom wench

    > > who bends over a lot showing her growler

    > > 7:30 Limo arrives

    > > 7:45 Several beers en route to airport

    > > 9:15 Flight in personal Lear Jet

    > > 9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en route)

    > > 9:45 Play front nine - 2 under

    > >11:45 Lunch: steak and lobster, 3 beers and a bottle of Dom Perignon

    > >12:15 Blow job

    > >12:30 Play back nine - 4 under

    > > 2:15 Limo back to the airport (several Bourbons)

    > > 2:30 Fly to Bahamas

    > > 3:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude

    > >who also bend over a lot displaying growlers

    > > 4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle

    > > 5.00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson (bending

    > >over, naturally).

    > > 6:45 Shit, Shower and Shave

    > > 7:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated;

    > > 7:30 Dinner: lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet

    > >steak followed by Ice-cream

    > > served over a big pair of tits

    > > 9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigar in front of wall-size TV as you

    > >watch football game

    > > 9:30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies...some bending

    > >over)

    > >11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer

    > >11:30 A night cap blow job

    > >11:45 In bed alone

    > >11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to

    > >leave the room

    > >11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep

  4. iambrutus

    iambrutus Screw Blue

    that is indeed the perfect day, brought a tear to my eye
  5. DEBuckeye

    DEBuckeye It ain't easy, bein' cheesy.

    You've got to give her the ol' Dutch Oven- pull the covers over both of your heads, clamp them down, and then let one rip.
  6. exhawg

    exhawg Mirror Guy Staff Member

    When my girlfriend first started spending the night I would run out to the hallway whenever I had to fart at night. After a while she asked me why I kept running out of bed at night so I told her it was when I had to fart. She told me just to fart in bed because it scared the hell out of her when I jump out of bed. Boy was that the worst decision she ever made. Now I take pride in letting one rip in bed.
  7. iambrutus

    iambrutus Screw Blue

    this one is the best:

    roll on your side facing her with the blankets still covering you. blow ass, and throw the covers to her side, this will cause the fart to "smack" her right in the face. the first time that you do it there is no defence for it, she just thinks you are getting up or something and then "BAM". Be prepared to get hit for that one, but you will laugh for days about her facial expression!
  8. BuckeyeLuvChild

    BuckeyeLuvChild Pantsless

    Heh. Once permission is given there's no going back.

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