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Truths about Life

Discussion in 'Open Discussion (Work-safe)' started by NorthShoreBuck, Jun 19, 2004.

  1. NorthShoreBuck

    NorthShoreBuck True Madness Requires Significant Intelligence


    1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
    2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
    3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch
    the second person.
    4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
    5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
    6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
    7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
    8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
    9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
    10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.

    1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
    2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
    3) Families are like fudge . . .mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
    4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
    5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
    6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the

    1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
    2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
    3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're
    down there.
    4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking
    chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
    5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers
    to ask you the questions.
    6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
    7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

    1) You believe in Santa Claus.
    2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
    3) You are Santa Claus.
    4) You look like Santa Claus.

    At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
    At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
    At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
    At age 20 success is . . . having sex.
    At age 35 success is . . . having money.
    At age 50 success is . . . having money.
    At age 60 success is . . . having sex.
    At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
    At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
    At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants
  2. ohiobuck94

    ohiobuck94 Buckeye Beach Bum

    I'm right on schedule. :biggrin:
  3. BrutuStrength

    BrutuStrength It's time to bring it! Staff Member

    :lol: I like the success part the best. Nicely done.
  4. DEBuckeye

    DEBuckeye It ain't easy, bein' cheesy.

    I've got a driver's license, money, have sex, and I haven't peed in my pants in a very long time. I guess I'm doing ok.

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