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Why we love children ...

Discussion in 'Open Discussion (Work-safe)' started by 3yardsandacloud, Nov 25, 2003.

  1. 3yardsandacloud

    3yardsandacloud Administrator Emeritus

    Why We Love Children

    A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. Because I p!ssed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. You did WHAT? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. You know, "explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

    A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
    I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
    "No, You had your chance. Lights out."
    Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
    "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
    I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
    Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
    "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

    An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

    One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

    It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a b!tch to iron."

    When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"

    A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a b!tch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a b!tch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a b!tch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

    One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, "..... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Sh!t! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

    A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie." She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."

    BTW, I have a young son who is just now starting to mimic and repeat things mom and dad say ... it's about to get REAL interesting.

    Go Bucks!
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2003
  2. 3yards-
    Isn't great when they start repeating you? My now 5 year old dropped his first F-bomb when he was 2. I was sitting in the car in traffic, in Cincinnati imagine that, and after a long day my paitents was running thin and so I dropped and he repeated it in an instant. Needless to say that was the last time that I used it infront of him.
  3. 3yardsandacloud

    3yardsandacloud Administrator Emeritus

    diehard, yes things are getting "interesting". I just hope my child's first F-bomb doesn't happen at church, or some other child's birthday party, or some other similarly embarrassing situation. We've (mom and dad) been pretty good about our language around him so far, but it's only a matter of time.
  4. DEBuckeye

    DEBuckeye It ain't easy, bein' cheesy.

    I don't have any kids, but my 3-year old nephew has learned how to say "dammit", and more importantly, when to say it. When he drops or spills something he says "Oh, dammit".
  5. ArtesiaBuckDog

    ArtesiaBuckDog Your next American Idol

    When my then-youngest cousin was just old enough to repeat sentences, my other cousin and I would drive around listening to the "Ixnay on the Hombre" Offspring album with the little one in the back seat and my cousin would set that "Pretty Fly for a White Guy" song on repeat a lot. So after that, for about a year or so any time the youngest one heard music playing she would start singing "They're gonna kick his lily ass" over and over. My aunt was thrilled. :lol:
  6. BuckBackHome

    BuckBackHome Wolverine is largest member of weasel family

    My wife was warning me about swearing in front of our 2 year old a few months ago as he was starting to repeat things. I must admit I have been pretty good, but she let a 'shit' slip in front of him and he gave it right back to her. Hearing little kids swear like that is just too funny.
  7. LoKyBuckeye

    LoKyBuckeye I give up. This board is too hard to understand. Staff Member

    My wife takes our boys and goes shopping when I'm watching football. I have to start watching what I say real soon.... my twins are a year and a half and they are starting to copy sounds. Even my dog has to leave the room sometimes because I'm so bad.

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