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Wont you please hire me?

Discussion in 'Open Discussion (Work-safe)' started by BuckeyeSoldier, Mar 14, 2004.

  1. BuckeyeSoldier

    BuckeyeSoldier 2 time Reigning BuckeyePlanet Poker Champion

    RESUME
    George W. Bush
    The White House, USA
    EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
    LAW ENFORCEMENT:
    I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the
    influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's
    license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost"
    and is not available.
    MILITARY:
    I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a
    drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas
    Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.
    COLLEGE:
    I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.
    PAST WORK EXPERIENCE: I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career
    in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975.I bought an oil company,
    but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly
    after I sold all my stock.I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a
    sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my
    father and our right-wing friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO
    Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.
    ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
    I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making
    Texas the
    most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los
    Angeles
    as the most smog-ridden city in America. I cut taxes and bankrupted the
    Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money. I set the record
    for the most executions by any governor in American history. With the
    help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's appointments
    to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000
    votes.
    ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
    I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal
    record. I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over
    one billion dollars per week. I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively
    bankrupted the U.S. Treasury. I shattered the
    record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history. I set an economic
    record
    for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period. I set the
    all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period. I set the
    all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock
    market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their
    jobs. I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any
    administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice,
    has a Chevron oil tanker named after her. I set the record for most campaign
    fundraising trips by a U.S. President I am the all-time U.S. and world
    record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations. My
    largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends,
    Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S.
    History, Enron. My political party used Enron private jets and corporate
    attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my
    election decision.
    I've protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation
    or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica
    Lewinsky
    affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate
    rip-offs in history. I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S.
    history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil
    industry was revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices in
    U.S. history.
    I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
    government contracts. I appointed more convicted criminals to my
    administration than any President in U.S. history. I created the Ministry
    of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the
    United States government. I've broken more international treaties than
    any President in U.S. history.
    I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations
    remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission. I withdrew the U.S. from
    the World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S.
    "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the
    Geneva Convention. I am the first President in history to refuse United
    Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
    I set the record for fewest number of press conferences of any President
    since
    the advent of television. I set the all-time record for most days on
    vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of
    August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history. I
    garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center
    attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country
    in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history. I have
    set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously
    protest me in
    public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against
    any person in the history of mankind. I am the first President in US history
    to order an unprovoked, preemptive attack and the military occupation of a
    sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the
    majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community. I have cut health
    care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for
    active duty troops and their families-in war time.
    In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking
    Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British friends. I am the first
    President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my
    presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security. I am
    supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker
    Buster," a WMD. I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama
    Bin Laden
    to justice.
    RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
    All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's
    library, sealed and unavailable for public view. All records of SEC
    investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are
    sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All records or minutes
    from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended
    regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for
    public review.
    PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.
    PLEASE SEND THIS TO EVERY VOTER YOU KNOW.

     
  2. daddyphatsacs

    daddyphatsacs Let the cards fall... Staff Member

    Wow, that sounds like a very convincing resume. :bonk:
     
  3. Solider where did you find that??
     
  4. BuckeyeSoldier

    BuckeyeSoldier 2 time Reigning BuckeyePlanet Poker Champion

  5. gbearbuck

    gbearbuck Herbie for President

    Didn't read the whole thing, however:

    "presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S.
    History, Enron"

    Is not correct. WorldCom was the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History (prob. several other errors as well).

    Nice find! And to think with all his "problems" he is still better than what the Dem.'s put forth... that is what is really funny :rofl:
     
  6. awesome thanks solider.
     
  7. RAMdrvr1

    RAMdrvr1 All Galaxy '14 NCAA Pick'em Champ

    Other than that, he's a pretty nice guy.

    For a Republican.
     

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