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College Football Right Meow: Week 1

Welcome to College Football Right Meow!

Not long ago, BuckeyePlanet got a brand new front page and @Clarity put out a call for #content to drive #traffic to the site. I thought to myself, “Gee, I’d really like to contribute but I’m not really an expert or insider.” Then I remembered that BuckeyePlanet is a site on the internet. The internet is comprised of about 50% college football #hottakes by idiots, and the other 50% is cats. That gave me an idea...

What if I made picks for college football games every week? What if one of my cats made picks too, and we tried to see who's best? We could generate #content every week complete with college football #hottakes, #banter, and cats. We could achieve Peak Internet. We could become famous on Twitter, which is pretty much the loftiest achievement one can aspire to in 2015.

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Me, speaking with my friend Jerry after coming up with this idea.

Though I do not pretend to be an expert, I do still have some pride. I don't want to get shown up by a cat. That means that if I'm going to stick my neck out there and make bold assertions, I need to set the bar low in terms of competition. Skip Bayless has mastered this. Everybody knows he's an idiot, but when he sits across from whatever rube ESPN lines up for him to "debate", viewers end up thinking that he *might not* be the dumbest person they are hearing speak at that particular moment. When it comes to generating #content, it's a winning formula.

That's why I chose to make picks against the dumber of our two cats. His name is Leo. That’s what my wife has told me his name is. I call him Poobert. “Leo” seems like a regal name. He looks looks like more of a “Poobert.” Behold:

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This is Poobert. He is not very bright. Here, he gets discouraged when he can’t reach to lick his bunghole.
On college football Saturdays we are two peas in a pod. Together we man my home’s College Football Command Center, with all of the screens, food and drink we need to survive and thrive the day-long gauntlet of upsets, blowouts, and laughing at M*ch*g*n. I have my spot on the couch, he has his in an Ohio State pet bed. I watch games for up to 14 hours flipping through channels and soaking in as much of the action as I can catch. He sleeps, suns himself, and gains most of his college football knowledge through (I assume) osmosis.

It will be a titanic struggle college football soothsaying supremacy. You can join the action, too. Poobert and I are both participating in this season’s BuckeyePlanet Pick’Em on Yahoo!. Do you think you know more about college football than the second-smartest cat in my house? Sign up, participate, and prove it!

Here are our picks for Week 1. Please note that because of Yahoo's quirks, some of these games don't match the ones available in our Pick'em contest. There are going to be more picks available there each week than we could possibly write about, so we'll just have the highlights.

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Oscar says he can steal Poobert's lunch. Here's the big O in action:

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And here's what Oscar says about games:

1. Cats don't like or trust weasels, but we sure like those two utes.
2. At least Minnie had the balls to insist on a home and home with TCU. But you need brains not to invite the #2 pre-season pick to your place when you haven't been much of a team for half a century.
3. Chickens vs sheep with their feet stuck in tar. SEC v ACC, one only knows football, the other only knows basketball. Goin' with the chickens.
4. Wash U vs Potato Tech. I like spuds.
5. Obnoxious West Coasties vs The Mildcats - Going with bad manners. Sorry fellow felines.
6. Louis Ville vs Auburn - Note how the SEC handles these match ups against potentially dangerous teams: "let's play at our place" or "Jerry wants us to play in his house." of "I'd like to, but my mammy won't let me play anywhere north of you all." Tigers/War Eagles/Plainsmen for the win.
7. Sun Devils at Sing Sing on the Brazos: Will that nut cracker pull his sword on those HOT ASU cheerleaders? Goin with the Devils.
8. I would rather have a daughter at the Mustang Ranch, than a son at ND, but this longhorn is a steer and the Irish do make good beer.
9. Alabama vs Wisconsin: See comments 2 and 6. "Ah can't be takin' good Southern boys all the way up there. Their mamas simply won't have it. Besides you all are from the Big 10, your fans know how to travel and well, there's the weather to think about too, and we understand you got that there politicully correct thing about our precious flag of independence. My folks gotta be free to wear their rebel belt buckles and wave that ol' flag." Roll Tide, y'all!
10. My owner would take away my Friskies and have me re-neutered if I picked the turkeys over his Buckeyes.

I apologize for this being late an' all, but I was dealing with a ferocious hair ball all day yesterday.
 
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