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Dear Santa

Discussion in 'Open Discussion (Work-safe)' started by LoKyBuckeye, Dec 18, 2004.

  1. LoKyBuckeye

    LoKyBuckeye I give up. This board is too hard to understand. Staff Member

    Dear Santa:
    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a
    good boy all yeer.
    YeR FReND, BiLLy

    Dear Billy:
    Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn
    care. How 'bout I send you a &*%#@ book so you can
    learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother
    the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
    Santa

    Dear Santa:
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I
    ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
    Love, Sarah

    Dear Sarah:
    You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't
    they?
    Santa

    Dear Santa:
    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
    I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.
    Please see what you can do.
    Love, Teddy

    Dear Teddy:
    What? Do you think your dad is going to quit banging
    the baby-sitter like a screen door in a hurricane,
    son? Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
    Santa

    Dear Santa:
    I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I.
    Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
    Love, Francis

    Dear Francis:
    Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're
    gay.
    Santa

    Dear Santa:
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I
    left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
    Love, Susan

    Dear Susan:
    Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart
    in my face. You want to kiss my ass? Leave me a
    bottle of scotch.
    Santa

    Dear Santa:
    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you
    making toys?
    Your friend, Thomas

    Dear Thomas:
    All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas,
    where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail
    waitresses asses, and losing money at the craps table.
    Hey, you wanted to know.
    Santa

    Dear Santa:
    Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know
    when we're awake, like in the song?
    Love, Jessica

    Dear Jessica:
    Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever
    you do. I'm skipping your house.
    Santa

    Dear Santa:
    I really really want a puppy this year. Please please
    please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
    Timmy

    Hey Timmy,
    That whiny begging @#%$ may work with your folks, but
    that crap doesn't work up here. You're getting a
    sweater again.
    Santa

    Dearest Santa,
    We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get
    into our home?
    Love, Marky

    Mark,
    Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why
    you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you
    don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent
    apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just
    like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
    Sweet Dreams,
    Santa
     
  2. brutus2002

    brutus2002 Junior

    :biggrin: I laughed my @$$ off reading that.
     
  3. DEBuckeye

    DEBuckeye It ain't easy, bein' cheesy.

    :slappy: :slappy: :slappy: :slappy: :slappy: :slappy: :slappy: :slappy: :slappy: :slappy:

    Absolutely hilarious!!
     
  4. iambrutus

    iambrutus Screw Blue

    Dearest Santa,
    We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get
    into our home?
    Love, Marky

    Mark,
    Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why
    you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you
    don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent
    apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just
    like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
    Sweet Dreams,
    Santa


    my favorite one!!! :slappy: :rofl:
     
  5. Bucktastic

    Bucktastic Troy Smith for HEISMAN

    Heres another one that got emailed to me...... :rofl:

    Dear Santa,
    I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck.
    Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!

    Love, Joey


    Dear Joey,
    Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep, I'm
    gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll
    know what to do with.

    - Santa
     

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