LoKyBuckeye
I give up. This board is too hard to understand.
Dear Santa:
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a
good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND, BiLLy
Dear Billy:
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn
care. How 'bout I send you a &*%#@ book so you can
learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother
the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
Santa
Dear Santa:
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I
ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah:
You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't
they?
Santa
Dear Santa:
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.
Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy:
What? Do you think your dad is going to quit banging
the baby-sitter like a screen door in a hurricane,
son? Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
Dear Santa:
I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I.
Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis:
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're
gay.
Santa
Dear Santa:
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I
left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan:
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart
in my face. You want to kiss my ass? Leave me a
bottle of scotch.
Santa
Dear Santa:
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you
making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas:
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas,
where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail
waitresses asses, and losing money at the craps table.
Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa
Dear Santa:
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know
when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica:
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever
you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa
Dear Santa:
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please
please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Hey Timmy,
That whiny begging @#%$ may work with your folks, but
that crap doesn't work up here. You're getting a
sweater again.
Santa
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get
into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why
you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you
don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent
apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just
like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a
good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND, BiLLy
Dear Billy:
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn
care. How 'bout I send you a &*%#@ book so you can
learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother
the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
Santa
Dear Santa:
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I
ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah:
You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't
they?
Santa
Dear Santa:
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.
Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy:
What? Do you think your dad is going to quit banging
the baby-sitter like a screen door in a hurricane,
son? Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
Dear Santa:
I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I.
Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis:
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're
gay.
Santa
Dear Santa:
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I
left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan:
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart
in my face. You want to kiss my ass? Leave me a
bottle of scotch.
Santa
Dear Santa:
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you
making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas:
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas,
where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail
waitresses asses, and losing money at the craps table.
Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa
Dear Santa:
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know
when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica:
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever
you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa
Dear Santa:
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please
please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Hey Timmy,
That whiny begging @#%$ may work with your folks, but
that crap doesn't work up here. You're getting a
sweater again.
Santa
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get
into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why
you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you
don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent
apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just
like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa
I laughed my @$$ off reading that.
