Favorite WV Stories

[BuckBackHome]

Let me preface this by saying my wife is a grad from Marshall and the brightest person I know is also a graduate from there (of course, he has his grad degree from OSU), so they are not as hillbillyish as we all like to say, but it is Marshall week.

I have a few WV stories I enjoy.

My cousin works in WV, but lives in OH. We were down visiting once and we stopped at a gas station. There were two boys about 12 putting air in their bike tires. They filled the one tire so much it blew up. Did they stop? Hell no, there were three more tires to go. I thought that was the best, but upon coming out of the station after paying I saw a use of a curb I had never seen before. This car comes zipping into the station about 10 miles an hour and just slams up against a tall, straight curb. He had no brakes and used the curb to stop the car. If you have ever driven around Huntington you know it is not the place to have bad brakes.

We were at my cousin's big summer party and one of her co-workers had a little too much to drink. This is a person who likes to say "Cheat?" For those of you who don't speak redneck this means "Did you eat?" Anyways, she is a rather large lady and had been consuming a great deal of alcohol that night. Suddenly, someone realized she was turning blue (picture Willy Wonka and the blueberry girl, but not floating). My cousin is a nurse and started asking her questions about what she had been drinking and eating. She said she had only been drinking her homemade Kahluas. Someone asked what she made them out of and she said Everclear. At that point everyone tried to figure out how many she had and she was carefully watched the whole night. The guesses were she had from 8 to 14. No one knows how much alcohol was in each one, but the proof was like 190. We asked her how much alcohol she put in there and she said lots because you couldn't taste it. She lived and I would say she is fine, but she wasn't right to begin with.

Please share any WV stories you have. I have lots more.

 

[AJ Nicholson]

Damn thats a lot of everclear, Ive tried that before. Its really F's you up.

 

[KillerNut]

I feel the same way about WV that I do about Michigan. The only thing wrong with it is the people that inhabit it.

 

[bucknut74]

I was driving on 68W headed to ohio one spring when I saw a sign for a gas station in WV. Seeing that I had a quarter tank I decided to take that exit. Well, it wasn't one of those gas stations right off the exit, but instead 3 miles down this road (can't remember the name). As am I going down this road, I see a sign that says "NOAH'S ARK BEING REBUILT HERE". Needless to say, I made a u-turn and got back on the highway. toothless freaks.

 

[LoKyBuckeye]

I was driving on 68W headed to ohio one spring when I saw a sign for a gas station in WV. Seeing that I had a quarter tank I decided to take that exit. Well, it wasn't one of those gas stations right off the exit, but instead 3 miles down this road (can't remember the name). As am I going down this road, I see a sign that says "NOAH'S ARK BEING REBUILT HERE". Needless to say, I made a u-turn and got back on the highway. toothless freaks.

sounds like a good move

 

[JohnnyCockfight]

I was driving from Cincy to Charlottesville, VA during the month of March one year, and made it to the only city in WV (Charleston) just in time to catch the Buckeyes play in the NCAA tournament.

Searching everywhere for a sportsbar, I settled for a Hooters, fearing the worst (transvestites). I was instead treated to fat girls in outfits three sizes too small. At this time, I walk towards a big screen TV, go up and turn the channel to the Ohio State - Missouri game, and shove a table right in front of the TV, where I was later to be served.

And served I was. You would think that when one goes to obvious pains to set himself in front of a TV, the very TV that he just turned the channel of in plain sight, putting his life at risk from Seabass in the corner, that he entered that place of business to watch the basketball game. But no, oh no. I was obviously there to be flirted with by a WV Hooters girl who was big enough to block my entire vision of the TV screen. It didn't help that we were getting slaughtered early on in that game, by two players who should have been Buckeyes.

So if you're travellin in the backhills country fair,
Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline,
Remember me to one who lives there.
She once was a true love of mine.


ps. Of course fat girls have Hooters, but that defeats the purpose.

 

[BuckNutty]

I remember reading a story a few years back about our neighbors in West Virginia. They had finally grown tired of hearing all the West Virginia jokes and they planned on exacting some revenge. A bunch of them started saving money and eventually they had enough cash to buy 6 septic tanks. Rumor has it that just as soon as they learn how to drive them they're gonna attack Ohio.

 

[Jaxbuck]

I am always reminded of the study that determined the two words rednecks always say before they do something really stupid;








"Watch this"

 

[JohnnyCockfight]

Someone just told me the official state flower in West Virginia is the satellite dish. Does anyone know if this is true?

 

[Brutus1]

Someone just told me the official state flower in West Virginia is the satellite dish. Does anyone know if this is true?

Of course thats not true. Anyone who's ever been, knows that the state flower is the toilet wildflower, grown in toilets , in front yards all over the state.

 

[Jaxbuck]

Not sure on the state flower thing, but I do remember hearing that the toothbrush was invented in the state of WV. This has to be true because if it were invented anywhere else it would be called the teethbrush.