Here We Go Again

[Telekinesis]

With the regular season winding down and Senior Day at hand, we’re approaching appreciation time for this group of Buckeyes and the dreadfully long offseason soon to follow.

I always try to take a step back during this time of the year to soak everything in and be thankful that there are still a handful of games (hopefully 5!) left to go.

When the season gets as stressful as this one has been, it’s easy to lose sight of the thing we love the most during this time of the year: the ability to still watch our beloved Bucks take to the gridiron on Saturday.

Hopefully we’re all able to take a breath, understand we’re saying goodbye to some legendary seniors once again, and realize that the season will soon come to a close. It’s important to enjoy this thing of ours, let’s not forget!

Having said that, I’m curious to know a few things:

Any plans to attend Senior Day, The Game, Big Ten Championship?

Thoughts at this point of the season for the seniors leaving the team?

Final predictions for how the season ends for this group before a wild couple of weeks coming up?

 

[Zurp]

Final predictions for how the season ends for this group before a wild couple of weeks coming up?

1. I originally said 63-3 this weekend. I'm going to double-down on that. Yup - 126-6. By the end of the game, Gus Johnson will be cutting in from whatever game he's doing with random comments, like "BLOOD THIRSTY!" and "GIVE IT HERE AND DON'T SAY NOTHIN'!" Fans of whichever game he's announcing will be confused and angry and might cry a little.
2. Jimmeh will try his surprise offense against Ohio State. He's been laying this trap all season. Speight never really got hurt. O'Korn was masterfully playing the part of terrible QB. And Peters will reprise his role as sturdy quarterback. All three will see the field - on the first play. Jimmeh will send them out in a triple-shotgun formation. At first, he'll get a couple of "too many players in the huddle" penalties, because he won't understand that each quarterback counts as one player. So he'll pull out some offensive linemen, and a couple of drives will end with some "ineligible receiver downfield" penalties. Just before half, down 28-0, he'll get it figured out. A couple of sack/fumbles later, though, and Ohio State will go into the half up 42-0. Barrett will be forever known as the quarterback who ran for more touchdowns his senior year against Michigan than passes thrown in that game. He'll come out to start the second half, but Haskins will play most of the second half. With about 10 minutes to go in the game, Joe Burrow will come in and pass for more yards (52) than the other 5 quarterbacks for both teams combined. He'll also convert a 2-point conversion to win 96-0.
3. BTCG - Let's just say that Paul Chryst will learn to fear and fear the sight of Urban Meyer shaking his ass at him. Urban Meyer will start a new wave of booty-shakin' dances after his team scores a touchdown. And Chryst will only be able to cry. Wisconsin will finally score a late touchdown to make it 84-7, and Chryst will try to do his own booty-shakin' dance. But he'll get suspended from ever coaching for another Big Ten team because of it.
4. Ohio State will make it to the playoffs. Remember when JoePa pooped his pants? Imagine that, but twice. Now, instead of JoePa, it's Nick Saban. And it's actually three times. By the end, he has no extra pants, so he'll be wearing football players' pants. Also, Ohio State will win 49-5.
5. National Championship game. Ohio State will get to play Clemson. Dabo Swinney's stupid smile will quickly be turned into whatever you call it when it looks like you just smelled a baby's dirty diaper. He'll be begging for mercy and wishing Ohio State beat his team 31-0 by the end. Ohio State wins 34-0.

Finally, screw Flanders.