Rugger
Senior
I have endured quite a few things in my lifetime that should be depressing or traumatic (deaths of close family members, witnessing people jump out of a burning skyscraper, parents divorcing, etc), but for some reason, at about 9:00 AM today I became incredibly depressed. I never felt so much like my guts had been torn out. And this is going to sound ridiculous, but for some reason, the following sequence of events have really left an impression on my being that nothing else has before.
I am starting freshman year at Ohio State after taking a year off to work. My friends, who were home over the summer, have left for school (if you don't know, OSU starts in late September due to the quarter system). My parents left on business trip and I am all alone in our apartment. This was on Friday.
So I decided I would just relax at home, maybe hang around the Park or go to Chinatown or something. No real plans, you know? I basically ended up playing NCAA 11 all night (literally, all night). I baked chicken at like 3:00 AM and finished two litres of Coke Zero. I went around the block for a smoke. Came back in and went back to playing video games.
At around 8:45 AM, I decided I had enough of video games. My brain was dead. I decided I needed to download some more music for school. While downloading some songs, I scrolled through my library and played some songs I hadn't listened to in a while. I happened upon "Someday" by The Strokes and it began to play.
And this is when I just froze up. I recalled how much my friends and I overplayed this song in high school. I remembered how absolutely awesome the last two years of high school were, and what a great time I had with all of my friends and how great life was then. People say college is so much better than high school, but I think I had a unique high school experience and have so many fond memories and great stories that could be hard to beat in college.
So I'm sitting on my couch, thinking about high school, listening to this song, and I realized that I have no freaking clue what I am doing. My friends are all over the country again, I'm going to a whole new world in the Midwest for school, pursuing a degree in Geography (WTF do I do with that? Michael Jordan was a Geography major. Maybe I will be an NBA star? Maybe I'll be black?) and it doesn't seem particularly carefree in the world I'm heading into. A lot of shit seems to be en route to the proverbial fan in the future of this country. I got extremely overburdened with thoughts of despair of my personal future.
And then I considered that I had baked a lot of chicken and drank a lot of soda, and realized that I felt really old and out of energy, and that the high school me would have taken advantage of having the apartment to himself and done something fun. For the first time in my life, I really felt like a loser. I felt sick of myself for wasting this time, for playing these video games all night and drinking too much Coke Zero and baking a shit ton of chicken that I can't eat all by myself because I baked six chicken breasts and I feel so freaking hopeless. I don't even know what I'm going to do today. Or the next day. I left my job about a week ago (pre-arranged) and I feel useless and I feel like a have a lot of fat on my soul.
It is totally ridiculous how much chicken I baked. I don't even smoke marijuana, so it isn't even a fringe benefit if I got the munchies. There was bad milk in the fridge, but after tossing it, I considered perhaps that I imagined it was bad milk and then I thought I must be going crazy or I am just insensitively malicious because milk is freaking expensive these days.
And I don't like being left with Coke Zero. I feel like I has the scurvy.
Chicken and Coke Zero and The Strokes. FUCK MY LIFE.
I am starting freshman year at Ohio State after taking a year off to work. My friends, who were home over the summer, have left for school (if you don't know, OSU starts in late September due to the quarter system). My parents left on business trip and I am all alone in our apartment. This was on Friday.
So I decided I would just relax at home, maybe hang around the Park or go to Chinatown or something. No real plans, you know? I basically ended up playing NCAA 11 all night (literally, all night). I baked chicken at like 3:00 AM and finished two litres of Coke Zero. I went around the block for a smoke. Came back in and went back to playing video games.
At around 8:45 AM, I decided I had enough of video games. My brain was dead. I decided I needed to download some more music for school. While downloading some songs, I scrolled through my library and played some songs I hadn't listened to in a while. I happened upon "Someday" by The Strokes and it began to play.
And this is when I just froze up. I recalled how much my friends and I overplayed this song in high school. I remembered how absolutely awesome the last two years of high school were, and what a great time I had with all of my friends and how great life was then. People say college is so much better than high school, but I think I had a unique high school experience and have so many fond memories and great stories that could be hard to beat in college.
So I'm sitting on my couch, thinking about high school, listening to this song, and I realized that I have no freaking clue what I am doing. My friends are all over the country again, I'm going to a whole new world in the Midwest for school, pursuing a degree in Geography (WTF do I do with that? Michael Jordan was a Geography major. Maybe I will be an NBA star? Maybe I'll be black?) and it doesn't seem particularly carefree in the world I'm heading into. A lot of shit seems to be en route to the proverbial fan in the future of this country. I got extremely overburdened with thoughts of despair of my personal future.
And then I considered that I had baked a lot of chicken and drank a lot of soda, and realized that I felt really old and out of energy, and that the high school me would have taken advantage of having the apartment to himself and done something fun. For the first time in my life, I really felt like a loser. I felt sick of myself for wasting this time, for playing these video games all night and drinking too much Coke Zero and baking a shit ton of chicken that I can't eat all by myself because I baked six chicken breasts and I feel so freaking hopeless. I don't even know what I'm going to do today. Or the next day. I left my job about a week ago (pre-arranged) and I feel useless and I feel like a have a lot of fat on my soul.
It is totally ridiculous how much chicken I baked. I don't even smoke marijuana, so it isn't even a fringe benefit if I got the munchies. There was bad milk in the fridge, but after tossing it, I considered perhaps that I imagined it was bad milk and then I thought I must be going crazy or I am just insensitively malicious because milk is freaking expensive these days.
And I don't like being left with Coke Zero. I feel like I has the scurvy.
Chicken and Coke Zero and The Strokes. FUCK MY LIFE.
Good luck at the bar tonight. Wait - you got an apartment and five chicken breasts??? Start calling chicks up for dinner. Beach party at Rugger's and we're having chicken fajitas. Bikinis and swim shorts mandatory. 
