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- Thread starter ESPN
- Start date
ESPN
Your Everything
"I told you it wasn't pretty coach..." the assistant said as he turned off the television.
Rush Propst sat there red as a ripe Alabama apple...speechless...fuming smoke from all orifices except for the mouth. And even that one didn't remain closed for that long...
"BACKWOODS!? I'M DESPERATE!? 5 TIME ALABAMA STATE CHAMPION, 10 DISTRICT TITLES!!!"
"THAT PRISSY GATDAMN ITALIAN SCHMUCK, I WILL HANG HIM BY HIS SPICY ITALIAN MEATBALLS, STRING HIM UP BY HIS GATDAMN NOODLES. IMMA FEED THAT MARIO AND LUIGI KNOCKOFF TO MY "BACKWOODS" DOGS. I'LL SHOW HIM WHAT MY PUREBREED "SON OF A BITCH" WILL DO...HELL EVEN ITS MOTHER WOULD GR-"
"Coach! Coach, please calm down...you're blood pressure! Yo-You're gonna ha-"
Propst adjusts his shirt, wiped his brow, tucked his Hoover hat low over his eyes, and cleared his throat.
"Get the [censored] out. What I'm about to do is grown man business. Bring me the scouting report for Allenville, a bottle of Jack Daniels and some Ibuprofen."
"Coach?" uttered the assistant, completely perplexed as to how Propst switched off his rant so quickly and efficiently.
"Did I stutter, boy?" Propst said, calm and in control.
"No, sir. I'll have them up shortly...anything else I can do for you?"
"No, I will take it from here. Now git!"
With that, the assistant ran out of the room down to his desk to retrieve the scouting reports.
Once the assistant was gone Propst rose up from his desk and stepped up to his window. He looked down on his team running drills on the field.
"I hope these boys are ready for the hell I'm going to put them through this season."
Propst smirked and closed the shades and sat back into his desk chair.
"So this is what it feels like to swim with the rest of the big fish, hunh?"
Propst ominously looked down at his team's game schedule of big fish and looked down at the last game.
"Hah...and it just had to be the gaddamn "Sharks" swimming with the big fish...we'll have to see about that."
Rush Propst sat there red as a ripe Alabama apple...speechless...fuming smoke from all orifices except for the mouth. And even that one didn't remain closed for that long...
"BACKWOODS!? I'M DESPERATE!? 5 TIME ALABAMA STATE CHAMPION, 10 DISTRICT TITLES!!!"
"THAT PRISSY GATDAMN ITALIAN SCHMUCK, I WILL HANG HIM BY HIS SPICY ITALIAN MEATBALLS, STRING HIM UP BY HIS GATDAMN NOODLES. IMMA FEED THAT MARIO AND LUIGI KNOCKOFF TO MY "BACKWOODS" DOGS. I'LL SHOW HIM WHAT MY PUREBREED "SON OF A BITCH" WILL DO...HELL EVEN ITS MOTHER WOULD GR-"
"Coach! Coach, please calm down...you're blood pressure! Yo-You're gonna ha-"
Propst adjusts his shirt, wiped his brow, tucked his Hoover hat low over his eyes, and cleared his throat.
"Get the [censored] out. What I'm about to do is grown man business. Bring me the scouting report for Allenville, a bottle of Jack Daniels and some Ibuprofen."
"Coach?" uttered the assistant, completely perplexed as to how Propst switched off his rant so quickly and efficiently.
"Did I stutter, boy?" Propst said, calm and in control.
"No, sir. I'll have them up shortly...anything else I can do for you?"
"No, I will take it from here. Now git!"
With that, the assistant ran out of the room down to his desk to retrieve the scouting reports.
Once the assistant was gone Propst rose up from his desk and stepped up to his window. He looked down on his team running drills on the field.
"I hope these boys are ready for the hell I'm going to put them through this season."
Propst smirked and closed the shades and sat back into his desk chair.
"So this is what it feels like to swim with the rest of the big fish, hunh?"
Propst ominously looked down at his team's game schedule of big fish and looked down at the last game.
"Hah...and it just had to be the gaddamn "Sharks" swimming with the big fish...we'll have to see about that."
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Mark.May
Hall of Famer
Let?s take a look back at the premiere matchup from game one between the Eastern State Timberwolves & Miami Sharks. This was a great game between ESU & Miami. After an early 17-0 lead, ESU rallied and made it a heck of a game. Miami hardly stopped ESU after gaining that lead, and with a few min left, ESU was driving down 1 TD. One pick on 4th down & 1 was the difference in the game. Some scores afterwards distorted the caliber of the game.
QB Beamen 10-16 302 yds 3 td 1 int 4 rush 17 yds 1 td
QB Kane..... 30-43 359 yds 0 td 2 int 13 rush -3 yds 2 td
RB Jefferson....... 17 att 40 yds 0 td
RB Washington 8 att 113 yds 2 td (80 yd 1st run)
ESU drives, pick in RZ. (redo version: punt)
Miami HB Washington 80 yd TD, 1st play. 7-0.
2 punts
Miami held to FG after 3 n out. 10-0.
ESU drives, throws pick (redo version: punt)
Miami PA deep TD. 17-0
ESU drives, held to short FG. 17-3
Miami throws costly pick.
ESU gets to redzone. 1st rush to 1st. 2nd sack -7. encroachment. 3rd & 2 stuffed. 4th & goal QB scramble. 17-10.
Miami goes deep for TD. 24-10
ESU drives and scores. Misses 2 pt fake. 24-16
Miami drives w/ :23 sec, sets up FG. 27-16
ESU catches squib kick, nearly houses it after a pitch.
After halftime, Miami punts.
ESU drives on ground for TD. 2 pt good. 27-24
Miami drives to goalline, throws pick.
ESU drives, FG. 27-27
Miami long TD pass, 34-27
ESU throws a late 4th quarter INT at midfield.
Miami punches it in for 6. 41-27
ESU sacked on 4th.
Miami pulls a Saine vs Washington, scores trying to run out clock. 48-27
ESU throws a last min INT, DB tackled, fumbles, picks it up himself, and runs for TD
55-27
QB Beamen 10-16 302 yds 3 td 1 int 4 rush 17 yds 1 td
QB Kane..... 30-43 359 yds 0 td 2 int 13 rush -3 yds 2 td
RB Jefferson....... 17 att 40 yds 0 td
RB Washington 8 att 113 yds 2 td (80 yd 1st run)
ESU drives, pick in RZ. (redo version: punt)
Miami HB Washington 80 yd TD, 1st play. 7-0.
2 punts
Miami held to FG after 3 n out. 10-0.
ESU drives, throws pick (redo version: punt)
Miami PA deep TD. 17-0
ESU drives, held to short FG. 17-3
Miami throws costly pick.
ESU gets to redzone. 1st rush to 1st. 2nd sack -7. encroachment. 3rd & 2 stuffed. 4th & goal QB scramble. 17-10.
Miami goes deep for TD. 24-10
ESU drives and scores. Misses 2 pt fake. 24-16
Miami drives w/ :23 sec, sets up FG. 27-16
ESU catches squib kick, nearly houses it after a pitch.
After halftime, Miami punts.
ESU drives on ground for TD. 2 pt good. 27-24
Miami drives to goalline, throws pick.
ESU drives, FG. 27-27
Miami long TD pass, 34-27
ESU throws a late 4th quarter INT at midfield.
Miami punches it in for 6. 41-27
ESU sacked on 4th.
Miami pulls a Saine vs Washington, scores trying to run out clock. 48-27
ESU throws a last min INT, DB tackled, fumbles, picks it up himself, and runs for TD
55-27
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Chris Fowler
ESPN Anchor
Thanks for the recap Mark. Let’s send it out to New Orleans to the live post game press conference:
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Steve Zissou
Don't point that gun at him, he's an unpaid intern
What are my thoughts after that beatdown?
Yes, my teams throw a lot of interceptions, we all know that. Some of them were risky jump balls, but their safety came down with four of them, and I?m not sure we picked off a single pass.
Biggest thought so far, if you don't have a fast quarterback, you don't have a chance of avoiding the defense. If you have a shaky offensive line - like me - then you are throwing off of your back foot, getting knocked down, etc. The faster quarterbacks, which most teams have, get through. That definitely makes these teams a bit unfair.
People asked me what the transition would be like from aquatic life to big time college football, and now I can answer that better. I sure do miss the slow, methodical movements in the ocean. These kids these days just run around too darn fast.
The running game was ok for both teams. I was able to put together some 5-10 yard runs when I tried. Honestly, I was outmatched, but I really think the dual threat discrepancy between teams will really hurt certain teams, especially with the lack of overall talent on the new programs.
Good game Muddogs, good luck the rest of the year. You were clearly the better team today.
Yes, my teams throw a lot of interceptions, we all know that. Some of them were risky jump balls, but their safety came down with four of them, and I?m not sure we picked off a single pass.
Biggest thought so far, if you don't have a fast quarterback, you don't have a chance of avoiding the defense. If you have a shaky offensive line - like me - then you are throwing off of your back foot, getting knocked down, etc. The faster quarterbacks, which most teams have, get through. That definitely makes these teams a bit unfair.
People asked me what the transition would be like from aquatic life to big time college football, and now I can answer that better. I sure do miss the slow, methodical movements in the ocean. These kids these days just run around too darn fast.
The running game was ok for both teams. I was able to put together some 5-10 yard runs when I tried. Honestly, I was outmatched, but I really think the dual threat discrepancy between teams will really hurt certain teams, especially with the lack of overall talent on the new programs.
Good game Muddogs, good luck the rest of the year. You were clearly the better team today.
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ESPN
Your Everything
ESPN All-Access:
[FONT="]
[/FONT]Hoover vs Allenville Penitentiary
"Boy, I'm ready for some football, get this crap off of my mind...how about you boys? Y'all ready for some damn FOOTBALL!!!????"
"YESSIRR!"
"Nevermind the opponent, nevermind the day, nevermind the heat, the aching muscles, the boos, don't think about any of that...focus...FOCUS...focus on our goal. Focus on showing the world what a bunch of backwoods kids from Alabama can do!"
"YEEAAHHHH!!!"
"Now let's get out there, and show them what the Hoover Buccaneers are made of!"
"YEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" screamed the team as they left the locker room.
"Coach, what do you think about todays chances?" asked his assistant.
"Off the record? Slim to none. These are hardened convicts. I'm leading my lambs into the slaughter...may God have mercy on me."
[FONT="]
[/FONT]Hoover vs Allenville Penitentiary
"Boy, I'm ready for some football, get this crap off of my mind...how about you boys? Y'all ready for some damn FOOTBALL!!!????"
"YESSIRR!"
"Nevermind the opponent, nevermind the day, nevermind the heat, the aching muscles, the boos, don't think about any of that...focus...FOCUS...focus on our goal. Focus on showing the world what a bunch of backwoods kids from Alabama can do!"
"YEEAAHHHH!!!"
"Now let's get out there, and show them what the Hoover Buccaneers are made of!"
"YEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" screamed the team as they left the locker room.
"Coach, what do you think about todays chances?" asked his assistant.
"Off the record? Slim to none. These are hardened convicts. I'm leading my lambs into the slaughter...may God have mercy on me."
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Mark.May
Hall of Famer
Allenville Penn Bucks the Bucs on way to a 40-14 Victory.
Momentum on Hoover's side, yes? No...not really. Ensuing kickoff:
Returned 95 yards for the score by Bear.
And it was all downhill from there, as Allenville scoring two more touchdowns (once on a fumble return) and four more fieldgoals. Their chew clock function was on by halftime...
The only bright light in this game was the emergence of A. Battle, the backup QB. Wilson, of course, was benched early on. Battle made some nice throws:
and nice moves:
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBnV5_lh1YI"]YouTube - The Emergence...[/ame]
40-14 Allenville over Hoover
The game started off innocently enough, as the Bucs returned the opening kickoff 30 yards to set up the offense. 2 off tackle runs left them with a third and 4, where things began to unravel. J.P. Wilson throws the ball and Robbery (both why he's in the Penn and what he's good at, evidently) steps in front of it (pictured above), setting up the Mean Machine on the Bucs 15 yard line. It didn't take long, one play exactly, for them to cash in. 7-0 Mean Machine.
On the next drive, Wilson would waste no time....throwing another pick
. Allenville ball, on the Hoover 25. Crewe takes the snap and rolls in an option left.
Patrick Miller, the freshman Buccaneer corner, reads the play quickly. He steps in front and...
Intercepts the pitch! Which he then takes back 75 yards for the score! 7-7 tie ball game!
On the next drive, Wilson would waste no time....throwing another pick
. Allenville ball, on the Hoover 25. Crewe takes the snap and rolls in an option left.
Patrick Miller, the freshman Buccaneer corner, reads the play quickly. He steps in front and...
Intercepts the pitch! Which he then takes back 75 yards for the score! 7-7 tie ball game!
Momentum on Hoover's side, yes? No...not really. Ensuing kickoff:
Returned 95 yards for the score by Bear.
And it was all downhill from there, as Allenville scoring two more touchdowns (once on a fumble return) and four more fieldgoals. Their chew clock function was on by halftime...
The only bright light in this game was the emergence of A. Battle, the backup QB. Wilson, of course, was benched early on. Battle made some nice throws:
and nice moves:
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBnV5_lh1YI"]YouTube - The Emergence...[/ame]
40-14 Allenville over Hoover
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ESPN
Your Everything
ESPN All-Access:
Long after the crowd had left and the stadium was a hollow shell of its former self, Rush Propst still stood on the sideline looking at the field where his season began, and, seemingly in an instant, ended.
"They fought; that's all I can ask for."
He marked his schedule with a red L by the first date, and glanced down further through the schedule where his eyes once again landed on Tony D'Amato's Sharks.
"Gah!"
He shook his head clear and refocused his mind. Looking ahead is what got him into this mess. His experience and football mind would save him.
"I need this next game. Else this was all a damn mistake."
Gathering his things he left the stadium, again with his Hoover visor tucked down low.
"If I don't win this game against Auburn I won't have to worry about the Sharks...Hoover would git ridda me by then."
NEXT UP: Auburn game recap
Long after the crowd had left and the stadium was a hollow shell of its former self, Rush Propst still stood on the sideline looking at the field where his season began, and, seemingly in an instant, ended.
"They fought; that's all I can ask for."
He marked his schedule with a red L by the first date, and glanced down further through the schedule where his eyes once again landed on Tony D'Amato's Sharks.
"Gah!"
He shook his head clear and refocused his mind. Looking ahead is what got him into this mess. His experience and football mind would save him.
"I need this next game. Else this was all a damn mistake."
Gathering his things he left the stadium, again with his Hoover visor tucked down low.
"If I don't win this game against Auburn I won't have to worry about the Sharks...Hoover would git ridda me by then."
NEXT UP: Auburn game recap
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Abraham Simpson
whenever I'm confused, I just check my underwear.
Wow! We just survived one of the most improbable comeback efforts I have ever witnessed? against Army!
The BS started very early on. Army?s quarterback threw for over 300 yards against us. Go check out his scouting report, the guy is terrible, yet he picked us apart!
The worst part about it was how absolutely unbelievable his luck was. On one particular 3rd down, when we had him dead to rights for a sack, he spun off of 2 my DL and got past the line of scrimmage. So I'm thinking he'll be tackled well short of the first down marker by one of my LBs or DBs that have him surrounded (at least 4 of them). Nope, he bounced off of them until he got past the marker. Only then did the football gods allow us to tackle him.
Another 3rd down play. 3rd and about 18 or so. He completes a pass to the middle of the field, still short of the 1st by 8 yds or so. Then his receiver turns into superman like the aforementioned QB - I dunno, maybe their the freakin Wonder Twins or something - and bounces off of my numerous defenders until passing the first down marker, where he was also willing to let me tackle him.
Then, late in the game, we down a punt inside his 5. I call a zone play with an OLB blitz. That OLB has him dead to rights for a safety. He dives at the QB, and not only does he not sack him, but the QB remains unencumbered by my LB being right in his face and launches a 30 yard completion. Didn't throw a quacker at all. Total BS.
Oh, and did I mention that Army was 2 for 2 on recovering onside kicks, or that after we scored a defensive TD late in the game, they returned the ensuing kickoff for a TD (and then recovered a 2nd onside kick!)? We won, but it was a brutal struggle against the football gods.
The only redeeming aspect (outside of the win) was that we knocked their stud RB out for the next 7 weeks or so.
The BS started very early on. Army?s quarterback threw for over 300 yards against us. Go check out his scouting report, the guy is terrible, yet he picked us apart!
The worst part about it was how absolutely unbelievable his luck was. On one particular 3rd down, when we had him dead to rights for a sack, he spun off of 2 my DL and got past the line of scrimmage. So I'm thinking he'll be tackled well short of the first down marker by one of my LBs or DBs that have him surrounded (at least 4 of them). Nope, he bounced off of them until he got past the marker. Only then did the football gods allow us to tackle him.
Another 3rd down play. 3rd and about 18 or so. He completes a pass to the middle of the field, still short of the 1st by 8 yds or so. Then his receiver turns into superman like the aforementioned QB - I dunno, maybe their the freakin Wonder Twins or something - and bounces off of my numerous defenders until passing the first down marker, where he was also willing to let me tackle him.
Then, late in the game, we down a punt inside his 5. I call a zone play with an OLB blitz. That OLB has him dead to rights for a safety. He dives at the QB, and not only does he not sack him, but the QB remains unencumbered by my LB being right in his face and launches a 30 yard completion. Didn't throw a quacker at all. Total BS.
Oh, and did I mention that Army was 2 for 2 on recovering onside kicks, or that after we scored a defensive TD late in the game, they returned the ensuing kickoff for a TD (and then recovered a 2nd onside kick!)? We won, but it was a brutal struggle against the football gods.
The only redeeming aspect (outside of the win) was that we knocked their stud RB out for the next 7 weeks or so.
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Gary Gaines
Can You Be Perfect?
Hell yes they are. I had to cut the power to the lights to force the referees to replay the game the next day. Miles got hurt(shocking right?) and Comer had a case of the fumbles early on. Before I knew it we were down by two scores.
When we replayed the game the next game, we jumped out to a 21-0 lead. They stormed back to take a 28-21 lead early in the third. We got it tied up the next time I had the ball and then scored another TD on the next drive. In both of my games my defense was torched in the passing department! Oklahoma is going to steam roll me and I might have to reschedule a ton of recruits visits for that game.
When we replayed the game the next game, we jumped out to a 21-0 lead. They stormed back to take a 28-21 lead early in the third. We got it tied up the next time I had the ball and then scored another TD on the next drive. In both of my games my defense was torched in the passing department! Oklahoma is going to steam roll me and I might have to reschedule a ton of recruits visits for that game.
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Coach D'Amato
We Fight For That Inch
Yeah, you're not supposed to restart games... particularly not to protect against injuries or losing.
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Gary Gaines
Can You Be Perfect?
I doubt it would even be worth your time playing against me!
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