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Sheet happens...

Discussion in 'Open Discussion (Work-safe)' started by RugbyBuck, Aug 3, 2004.

  1. RugbyBuck

    RugbyBuck Our church has no bells.

    Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that "Shit happens."
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 3, 2004
  2. osugrad21

    osugrad21 Capo Regime Staff Member

    That story is a load of shit
     
  3. RugbyBuck

    RugbyBuck Our church has no bells.

    I just thought I hadn't posted enough bull shit lately.
     
  4. osugrad21

    osugrad21 Capo Regime Staff Member

    I figured you were just shitting around
     
  5. ohiobuck94

    ohiobuck94 Buckeye Beach Bum

    Comparison of World Religions (Rated PG)

    Submitted By: anon


    Confucianism: Confucius says, "Shit happens."

    Buddhism: If shit happens, it really is not shit!.

    Zen: Shit only happens when it does not happen.

    Hinduism: This shit happened before (and it will happen
    again).

    Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.

    Protestant: Let shit happen to someone else.

    Catholic: If shit happens, you deserve it!

    Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?

    Atheism: Shit happens for no apparent reason.

    Agnosticism: I think shit happens.

    Baptist: I BELIEVE shit happens! (Amen)

    Jehovah Witness: Let us in and we will tell you why shit
    happens.

    Scientologist: Feces occurs.

    Hare Krishna: ShithappensShithappensShithappens.

    Existentialism: I shit therefore I am. (Defeco ergo sum)

    New Age Religion: Shit came to me in a vision.

    Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.

    Paganism: If you send shit out into the world, it will
    return to you threefold.

    Mormons: If shit happens, the Church gets 10%.

    Stoics: This shit doesn't bother me.

    Hedonists: There's nothing like a good shit happening.

    Jehovah's Witnesses: Knock knock. Shit happens.

    Atheism: No shit.

    New Life Christian: Pay us money or shit will happen.

    Quantum Physics: The probability that shit will happen is...

    Quantum Physics 2: Shit is a wave AND a particle!

    Branch Davidianism: David Koresh: I am the shit!

    Occultism: I see shit happening in your future.

    Bahaiism: Same shit, different pile.
     
  6. MililaniBuckeye

    MililaniBuckeye The satanic soulless freight train that is Ohio St Staff Member Tech Admin

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