Wives and the 'funny' things they do....

[alexhortdog95]

Okay...so this is a thread dedicated to our wives. Yes, wives.

First, let me say, this isn't an original thought. The one good thing that Texas did bring into this world - is the ShaggyBevo thread (that has since been deleted) that shows why Red Green always said,

"Just remember. I'm pullin for ya....we're all in this together."

Yes, our wives. Only men can tell the different things that their wives put them through in a humorous, story tellling fashion.

And ladies - if your husband does stupid things too - feel free to post em here as well.

So...let's begin.

I love my wife. We've been married about 12 years now (this coming April). And while she's a really smart lady....sometimes I enjoy the entertainment.

Point in case. We have a laptop at the house, and I use it mostly (I'm a programmer by trade, she's an accountant). We're also really involved in our church (she's the church treasurer).

So she does this report once a month and gives the information to the various committees at the church. I helped her build the report (another story), and she asked me how she could get the info from our laptop to the church. My first suggestion was that she used her android phone as a USB device.

Why did I go there?

Needless to say, it ended up me giving her an old SD card that I had in an old phone. No problem, I tell her. In fact, here's how the exact conversation went:

Me: "So, this is an SD card. You need to keep up with this card, babe."
Her: "I know, you don't have to talk to me like I'm one of the girls."

(we have two girls, 8 and 5)...

Me: "Okay. So, my suggestion - since the card is so small - is that once you get done with it at the church, that you bring it back home and PUT IT INTO THE LAPTOP where it was."

Her: "Got it."

So, a couple months go by, and no problems. This last month, however....

I'm on the laptop, and I just kinda absent-mindedly run my finger down the side where the SD card port is at. No SD card. I'm thinking, okay, it's in her purse. Later on that night, she's in a hurry, getting the report ready. She goes to save it, and BING no SD card.

There I am, minding my own business, and she asks the obvious question:

Her: "What did you do with the SD card?"

Me: "Um....nothing. I don't mess with that card."

Her: "I KNOW you have that SD card because you're on the laptop all the time."

Me: "Dear, I didn't take that SD card - you were the last one to use it. I gave it to you."

Her: "Stop playing, I need that card. It has all my work on there!"

Me: "I'm dead serious, dear. I don't have it. Did you check in your purse?"

Her: "I know it's not in there, cause I looked already!"

Then starts a big arguement about the SD card, how I stole it, etc, etc.

Me: "So, let me get this straight....you're accusing me of 'stealing' a card that I gave to YOU?"

Her: "You're the only one that uses the laptop."

(Mind you, she used it just a few minutes prior...)

Me: "Dear, this is BS. And I'm not going to sit here and let you accuse me of something I didn't do."

So I storm off. Hell, it's what she woulda done, LOL.

Later on that night -

Her: "Um...honey."

Me: "......"

Her: "I just wanted to apologize to you. I accused you of taking the SD card, but I found it."

Me: "And where was it?"

Her: "......"

Me: "That's what I thought."

Nothing else needed to be said at that point.

 

[Mac]

Go back about a month, to the opening weekend of the NFL. We had painted our basement where our Uverse gateway (I think that's what it is) is located. For some reason the previous owners barely made a hole in the wall from the outside, where the cable came into the house. I had told my wife be careful don't touch the wires as they could be damaged since Uverse uses Cat5 aka Ethernet. What does she do? She unplugs the thing from the wall outlet, and tries to move the box. Well needless to say, all of the wires ripped out of the plug going into the gateway box thing. I didn't have cable or Internet the first Sunday of the NFL season. I was NOT happy.

 

[alexhortdog95]

Here's another story....

So, we live here in Omaha, and as some might know, we've had record flooding along the Missouri River this year. A long stretch of I-29 was closed most of the year on the Iowa side, entire towns flooding, etc.

I-680 leads from Nebraska into Iowa via an old iron bridge called the Mormon Bridge:

So, one Sunday, after we get done with church, the family and I had gone over into Iowa via the 480 bridge (by the new TD Ameritrade Park where the CWS is held at now) and gotten dinner. After dinner, we're on the way back, and this conversation begins:

Her: "Wow, look at all the flooding down there."

Me: "Yeah. That's why the Mormon was closed along with NP Dodge (park)."

Her: "The Mormon closed? Why?"

This is the only image I had in my head at that point:

Me: "Um....dear, it's flooded over there."

Her: "But I don't understand, the water isn't that high, is it?"

Me: "Honey.....they closed the interstate? What do YOU think?"

Her: "Don't talk to me like I'm one of the girls." - Common comeback...

Me: "Okay, I'm sorry dear. You know that the river is like 35 feet, right?"

Her: "O...kay."

Me: "And the Bridge sits up pretty high, right? I mean, the road comes back down after you cross the bridge, right?"

Her: "O....kay....I still don't understand it."

Me:

A couple days later, she sends me the following email. Please note....all I did is copy and paste this email.

Her:

"Check out these photos from the river! I told my boss about our conversation on Sunday, and she said, "well honey, how would you be able to cross the river because it's so high over there?" I was like, Ohhhhhhh, now I get it!"

Me:

 

[Fungo Squiggly]

"Just remember. I'm pullin for ya....we're all in this together."

Point in case. We have a laptop at the house, and I use it mostly (I'm a programmer by trade, she's an accountant). We're also really involved in our church (she's the church treasurer).

"I'm a man...but I can change....if I have to.....I guess."

I'll trade you my artist for your accountant any day of the week.

 

[Wingate1217]

Here's another story....

So, we live here in Omaha, and as some might know, we've had record flooding along the Missouri River this year. A long stretch of I-29 was closed most of the year on the Iowa side, entire towns flooding, etc.

I-680 leads from Nebraska into Iowa via an old iron bridge called the Mormon Bridge:

This reminds me of a story when I lived in Omaha. We had just moved to said city and moved to a house on the west side of town on 151st Street, which is 15-20 miles from downtown Omaha, and the Missouri River.

At the time I was the division manager for all the 7-Eleven stores in town. Since it was late October and heading into the winter months most of my stores had an outside display of sand bags. My wife and I pull into one of my stores and I go in to drop something off at the store (as my wife stays in the car) on 120th and Blondo.

I get back in the car and the conversation goes like this...

Me: "Okay, where is this restaurant you talked about earlier this week?"
Her: Ignores question and is staring at the sandbag display. What are those?"
Me: "Sandbags"

At this point she gets a panic like look on her face and turn white...
Me: "If you really don't want to go out..." never finished the sentence.
Her: "So you think we should buy some....and points at the bags?"
Me: "Nah, we will be fine."
Her: "But shouldn't we be prepared."
Me: Nah, we have front wheel drive and I know how to drive through that stuff"
Her: "You can't drive through water"
Me: "What are you talking about"
Her: "We just need to be prepared when the river (Missouri) floods. I had no idea it would flood this far away...."
Me: "Laughing hysterically.....the bags are used for ballast to be placed over the axle of rear wheel transmissions. Seriously I only have about 50 bags here in the display....do you really think 50 bags would hold back the Missouri?? And why would you think the river would flood all the way to us?"

Needless to say....she didn't speak to me for a couple of hours and dinner plans were off..... :)

 

[BuckeyeLiger87]

I don't like where this is heading.......http://acurazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=770786&page=2


First post then post #44 near the top of page two.

 

[alexhortdog95]

I don't like where this is heading.......http://acurazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=770786&page=2


First post then post #44 near the top of page two.

Dayyyyyum....he did get owned.

But, my disclaimer works for me (not to mention that my wife read some of the ShaggyBevo posts with me, LOL)

Any idiot that wouldn't put a HUMOROUS story out there is asking for trouble.

 

[Mac]

Now that's some crazy stuff. He had it coming to him though