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Colonoscopy 2.0 and skirts

I had a surprise colonoscopy a couple years ago. Had to go to the ER with...let's call it...a condition. Anyway, I think the doc was a drill sergeant in North Korea before coming here. She was examining me for this...condition, and told me to roll onto my side, pull my knees to my chest and breathe. She then took two fingers that felt way bigger than a woman of her diminutive size should posess, and best I could tell, tried to work me like a fucking puppet. As I laid there, reflex tears streaming down my face, laughing from shame or embarrassment or shock, I half whispered "I bet it's days like this that make you love your job". She replied "not really" in broken English, tossed her gloves in the trash, and walked out of my life forever. I told the male nurse "sorry" and walked out.

Yeah, but did she get the gerbil?

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Here they are:

http://www.buckeyeplanet.com/forum/threads/colon-ambush.18827/

http://www.buckeyeplanet.com/forum/threads/colonoscopies-and-skirts.625573/

What a coincidence, I just had mine (i.e. colonoscopy 3.0) today. The only difference from the previous ones was the prescription for the stuff I drank. This time there were two sessions of drinking. The first one you drink 16 oz of the anti freeze at 6 PM the night before and then you drink another 16 oz the next morning 4 hours before you leave for the facility to have the procedure. Apparently this is a new product and/or the doctor just wanted me to double my pleasure of sitting on the crapper for two 4 hour sessions "evacuating". This is a different doctor that had done either of my 2 previous colonoscopies, so maybe he just prescribes a different product. Anyway the actual procedure was another "piece of cake" similar to the one below. The good news was that everything went well and I didn't have any polyps. On a side note I didn't have any lego guys; but the doctor did comment that there was 100 pieces of corn in one area of my colon that he had to move out of the way.

Anyway I'm on the 5 year plan due to my age and/or the fact that they did find and remove 2 polyps on colonoscopy 2.0.


So? Fully body cleanse?
 
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Walmart sells MAGNESIUM CITRATE--costs about a buck a bottle. The cherry flavor, when it's really cold, isn't half-nauseating. I've used it the last couple times I've had a colonoscopy, and no complaints from the physician. Way cheaper than the Miralax product.

The first one I did, they prescribed this barrel-sized container that you had to fill with water and drink within a few hours. I felt like I was drowning. Never want to do that one again.

However you do it though, they're all better than cancer.
 
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NEWS:

S*** A BRICK!
Doctors swallow Lego heads to test how long they take to come out the other end

A team of six experts from the UK and Australia took part in the bizarre study over a two-week period
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They were keen to see how dangerous the popular toy could be to kids – especially with Lego heads being so small, just 1cm x 1cm.

The team, including author Grace Leo, developed two tests – the Stool Hardness and Transit (SHAT) score and the Found and Retrieved Time (FART) score. . .
[snip]
 
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Post-colonoscopy, Smith had a FaceTime conversation with his doctor who revealed the father-of-three had a pre-cancerous polyp removed, which was great news.

“95% of colon cancers arise from that type of polyp that was in your colon,” Dr. Stanford explained, saying they prevented a serious health scare. “We know that screening and early detection saves lives,” she added.
 
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Orioles' Trey Mancini has malignant tumor removed from colon

The Baltimore Orioles announced Wednesday that outfielder Trey Mancini underwent successful surgery to remove a malignant tumor from his colon.

The tumor was discovered last week during a colonoscopy.

Lab results and the timetable for Mancini's recovery will not be known until next week.

"The outpouring of love and support I have received has made an extremely tough week so much better," Mancini said in a statement. "I have the best family, friends, fans, and teammates imaginable. I am also eternally thankful for the Orioles front office, our athletic trainers, and the entire medical staff for everything they have done to help me during this time. Finally, I would like to thank everyone for their prayers and kind words, which have furthered my excitement to get back to playing the game I love."

On Saturday, the Orioles announced Mancini had left the team to undergo what it called a "non-baseball medical procedure."

Entire article: https://www.espn.com/mlb/story/_/id/28893535/orioles-trey-mancini-malignant-tumor-removed-colon
 
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