Man arrested for sex with picnic table

[Fungo Squiggly]

Hmmm... maybe Open D is a better choice.

Most definitely.

 

[elliemae]

the ambiance surrounding the table was just too enticing

so is Thump OK? did he just get probation?
the splinters should have been enuf punishment

So that explains the green shit growing on these tables!

 

[Deety]

Sounds like someone's branched out, so to speak.

"Hey, Boo Boo! Let's get us some pick-a-nick baskets!"

 

[cincibuck]

I can assure you, my client did not have sex with a picnic table 3 times.

I think you just filled the hole in his case.

 

[cincibuck]

And of course, the big issue here is if the table will testify.

 

[Fungo Squiggly]

And of course, the big issue here is if the table will testify.

It won't.

 

[Buckeyeskickbuttocks]

It .....
.....
...

I'd like to issue the following statement on behalf of Bucky Katt.

What my client posted above is to be understood as meaning that we anticipate that the evidence will firmly establish his innocence and that we have the upmost respect and faith in the judicial system.

I can't understand why anyone would have a contrary opinion of the post my client chose in an effort to express himself. But, I thought I'd just clear that up so our meaning is not mis-represented later.

Thank You.

 

[Fungo Squiggly]

I'd like to issue the following statement on behalf of Bucky Katt.

What my client posted above is to be understood as meaning that we anticipate that the evidence will firmly establish his innocence and that we have the upmost respect and faith in the judicial system.

I can't understand why anyone would have a contrary opinion of the post my client chose in an effort to express himself. But, I thought I'd just clear that up so our meaning is not mis-represented later.

Thank You.

You've got your work cut out for you on this case.

 

[Buckeyeskickbuttocks]

My client is, of course, dedicated to working hard to show he's innocent. He has been through a great deal of adversity. But, like Greg Schiano has taught us all, in times like these we need to keep choppin wood.

Truth will see the light of day. We have every confidence in the system.

Thank you.

I'll now take your questions.

 

[Fungo Squiggly]

 

[Buckeyeskickbuttocks]

There being no questions, I'd like to read a statement offered by my client.

"I will cut to the chase. I did not have sex with that table. It is with the strongest humility that I enter my not guilty plea. But, I need to be clear as well. I am innocent of all these charges."

 

[BrutuStrength]

My client is, of course, dedicated to working hard to show he's innocent. He has been through a great deal of adversity. But, like Greg Schiano has taught us all, in times like these we need to keep choppin wood.

Truth will see the light of day. We have every confidence in the system.

Thank you.

I'll now take your questions.

What strategy will the defense deploy at trial? An early rumor spreading through legal media circles has the defense making an argument that the table was asking for it?

 

[BB73]

Your client's attitude is much too chipper for my taste. Also, I believe your legal approach is barking up the wrong tree.

BK, how can you put the dead hooker in the trunk when it was a trunk when it was alive?

 

[OCBuckWife]

What strategy will the defense deploy at trial? An early rumor spreading through legal media circles has the defense making an argument that the table was asking for it?

You saw the way it was dressed, didn't you? It's flirty little skirt?

 

[Buckeyeskickbuttocks]

What strategy will the defense deploy at trial? An early rumor spreading through legal media circles has the defense making an argument that the table was asking for it?

Next question....

Your client's attitude is much too chipper for my taste. Also, I believe your legal approach is barking up the wrong tree.

BK, how can you put the dead hooker in the trunk when it was a trunk when it was alive?

We're not here to talk about the past.

You saw the way it was dressed, didn't you? It's flirty little skirt?

While we all agree that no means "no," and Bucky Katt is - of course - no different in this respect, it would be foolish of us not to acknowledge that provocative dress is sometimes a weapon. I'm not saying my client was "set up" but I think such is a reasonable conclusion given some of the particulars of this case.