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Rich Rodriguez (official thread of last laughs)

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And now for something completely different... A coach with three wins.

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To continue the theme, below is the transcript of a phone call between RR and a player calling to decommit.

Phone rings in RR's office. RR answers.


Commit: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

RR: We're closin' for mandatory stretching.

C: Never mind that, coach. I wish to complain about this program what I bought into not half an hour ago from this very University.

RR: Oh yes, the, uh, the Maize and Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, coach. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

RR: No, no, it's uh...it's rebuilding.

C: Look, coach, I know a dead program when I see one, and I'm committed to one right now.

RR: No no it's not dead, it's, its rebuilding'! Remarkable program, the Maize and Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful winged helmets!

C: Winged helmets don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

RR: Nononono, no, no! it's rebuilding!

C: All right then, if it's rebuilding', make it win!

'Ello, Maize and Blue! I've got a lovely MAC team for you if you win...

RR: There, it won!

C: No, it didn't, that wasn't Toledo ... that was you beating Delaware State!

RR: Well, it's...it's, ah...probably pining for players who can run the spread offense.

C: PININ' for the PLAYERS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did it fall flat on it's back two years in a row?

RR: The Maize and Blue prefers kippin' on it's back! Those who stay on their back will become champions. Remarkable program id'nit, squire? Lovely winged helmets!

C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that program when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it won 700 games before the turn of the 19th century.

(pause)

RR: Well, o'course. But we didn't have Barwis! If we had Barwis this program would have nuzzled up to Illinois, bent 'em apart, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

C: "VOOM"?!? Coach, this program wouldn't "voom" if you added four million quality assurance coaches to it and practiced 12 hours a day! It's bleedin' demised!

O: No no! It's rebuilding!

C: It's not rebuilding! It's passed on! This Program is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet Fritz Crisler!

It's a stiff! Bereft of defense, it rests in peace! If it weren't for games you won prior to the forward pass you'd be playing in the Great Lakes Intercollegiate Athletic Conference!

It's metabolic processes are now 'istory! It's off the twig!

It's kicked the bucket, It's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!

THIS IS AN EX-PROGRAM!!


I'm going to Tulane.


Click.

RR: Barwis ... get in here. We've got to bulk up Denard and move him to linebacker.
Click to expand...
 
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Guy 1: Bring out your dead!

Delany: 'ere's one

RichRod: I'm not dead!

G: I can't take 'im like that.

D: What?

G: 'e says he's not dead!

RR: I think I'll go for a walk.

D: Shut your noise, you!!

You'll be stone dead in a moment.

(to G) When will you be back.

G: We won't be collectin' dead programs 'til next week.

RR: (deliriously) I feel happy! I feel happy!

*pause*

D: Look, can you do us a favor?

*pause*

*WHUMP!*

D: Thanks much.

G: Right. See you next week...
 
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Anybody seen the Dick Wad thread? It was here just a minute ago before we found out the room was full of Monty Python Impersonators.

I think we may be closing in on the world's funniest joke or the fact that the Notorious Piranha Brothers are in charge of UM recruiting.

I think oh8ch may have caused me to soil my armor.
 
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cincibuck;1713818; said:
...I think we may be closing in on the world's funniest joke...
Click to expand...

Thanks for the warning cinci'. I think we should be on guard for this. At some point in the future, posting "Rich" and "Rod" on the same page might be so funny that we'd literally laugh ourselves to death. Even catching a glimpse of this thread in your peripheral vision could put you into a coma. Very dangerous stuff...
 
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fatmanrichrod.jpg


8-16 overall record
3-13 Big Ten record
0-2 versus Ohio State
0-2 versus Michigan State
No bowl game for the first time since 1974
First losing season since 1967
Worst defense ever (2008)
Second worst defense ever (2009)
First ever loss to a MAC team (Toledo)
Justin Boren transfers to Ohio State
Losing recruits to Tulsa (Shavodrick Beaver)
NCAA investigation and sanctions
Shady land deals, paper shredders, and hair plugs
I lost my snake oil and someone stole my wizard hat....

If anything else goes wrong, I'm going to explode!!!
 
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LordJeffBuck;1713918; said:
8-16 overall record
3-13 Big Ten record
0-2 versus Ohio State
0-2 versus Michigan State
No bowl game for the first time since 1974
First losing season since 1967
Worst defense ever (2008)
Second worst defense ever (2009)
First ever loss to a MAC team (Toledo)
Justin Boren transfers to Ohio State
Losing recruits to Tulsa (Shavodrick Beaver)
NCAA investigation and sanctions
Shady land deals, paper shredders, and hair plugs
I lost my snake oil and someone stole my wizard hat....

If anything else goes wrong, I'm going to explode!!!
Click to expand...

May I offer you this? You just had your highest-rated recruit refused by the Admissions Department.

Thin%20Mint.png
 
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