Discussion in 'Buckeye Football' started by Mike80, Jul 26, 2007.
Fresno State, San Diego State, Nevada, and New Mexico, of course.
I like that idea, but then the Big12 ends up as the ACC and Texas. Too bad Texas was too dumb to jump to the Pac a few years ago and ended up fucking everything up.
Me. Stinkin' Lincoln, that's what I say.
I just hope these n00bs don't come in to our conference expecting stuff to be handed to them on a silver platter.
Damn, it feels good not to be the new kids on the block anymore. Nebraska's an old-school Big Ten member now, eh chums? Eh?
You guys are too nice to hate. You're kinda the B1G's version of Canada.
Is "M", "N" and Iowa really that difficult? :)
So now you get to haze the new kids.
Still a matter of initiation
I can see it now:
Big 12 commissioner Bob Bowlsby...red rover, red rover, we'll send TCU, Iowa State, Texas Tech, and West Virginia right over.
What really went down (from the M-Zone)...
Monday, November 19, 2012
Drunk Dialing with Jim Delany
OUTSIDE BIG TEN HEADQUARTERS - LAST THURSDAY - 1:16 AM
A single light was still on: Jim Delany's
INSIDE JIM DELANY'S OFFICE
Empty beer cans litter Delany's desk as he picks up the phone and dials. After several rings, a groggy female voice answers:
FEMALE VOICE: Hello?
JIM DELANY: Hey, Missouri, what's up?
MISSOURI: Who is this?
JIM DELANY: It's Jim. Jim Delany.
MISSOURI: What time is it?
JIM DELANY: I dunno. Late.
MISSOURI: You really hurt me last time. I thought maybe you and I had--
Missouri suddenly stops, not wanting Delany to hear the pain in her voice, nay -- in her soul. She suddenly turns cold:
MISSOURI: What do you want?
JIM DELANY: Nothing. I was just thinking about you.
MISSOURI: Well I'm seeing someone now.
JIM DELANY: Yeah, I heard. The SEC, right? I was just calling to see if you're happy. Because I heard he beats you. Every weekend. Bad.
MISSOURI (GETTING MAD): That's not true!
CLICK! The phone goes dead in Jim's ear.
JIM DELANY: [Mark May].
Delany finishes off the beer in his hand then quickly dials another number. Another groggy voice answers:
Delany doesn't say anything.
LOUISVILLE: Jim, is that you? I was hoping you'd call.
But Louisville is met with silence.
LOUISVILLE: Jim, if that's you, talk to me. Please. What do you want? I'll do anythi--
CLICK! Delany quickly slams down the phone and shakes his head: even I'm not that drunk. Plus, I can do better than that, he thinks. I'm [censored]ing Jim Delany: Jim. [censored]ing. Delany.
He punches another number into the phone. Waits.
FEMALE VOICE: What?
JIM DELANY: Hey, baby, it's Jim Delany. I--
TEXAS: Who gave you my number?
JIM DELANY: Nebraska.
TEXAS: Look, Jim, we have nothing in common. Okay? Plus, you can't afford me. Now please don't call me again.
Texas slams down the phone as Delany is met with a dial tone.
A half-finished whiskey bottle now shares space on the desk with the beer cans. Delany looks like absolute [Mark May]. Eyes glassy. As if half the teams in his league lost to MAC schools. Or worse - like Indiana could somehow sneak into the B1G title game. You know, like this:
Delany can barely dial. Has to do it four or five times to get it right. He hasn't been this [censored]ed up since he tried to move the Michgian-Ohio State game to October. Finally he gets the number right as another tired voice greets him:
FEMALE VOICE: Hello?
JIM DELANY (NOW SLURRING HIS WORDS): Heyyyyy, S-- Sur-- (FINALLY GETTING IT OUT), Syracuse. It's JD and I'm just sitting here with JB -- Jim Beam.
SYRACUSE: JD? Jim Delany!?
JIM DELANY: [censored]in' A.
SYRACUSE: I'm... Wow! This is... Wow!
JIM DELANY: I've had my eye on you forever.
SYRACUSE: You have?
JIM DELANY: 'Course. We should get together. Maybe go hang in the city. With all the people and their cable-ready households.
SYRACUSE: You mean like Buffalo?
JIM DELANY (LAUGHS): New York.
SYRACUSE: Uh... okay, but that's like four and a half hours away.
JIM DELANY: What?
SYRACUSE: I live in Upstate New York. Is that a problem?
JIM DELANY (MAKING HIS VOICE BREAK UP): What did you sa--? We ha-- a bad-- connectio--
CLICK! Delany slams down the phone.
JIM DELANY: [censored].
He quickly dials another number. Before the person can even say hello:
JIM DELANY: Just give me one more chance. One more. I promise we can work it out!
NOTRE DAME: Goddammit, Jim! Stop calling me. Remember the restraining order?!
JIM DELANY: But--
NOTRE DAME: No, you listen to me for the last time -- we NEVER DATED. We just hooked up. And now we don't. We're through. Get. Over. It!
Notre Dame hangs up on Delany... who vomits into a nearby trashcan, all over an autographed picture from Danny Hope.
Delany can barely hold up his head as he makes another call. Then a gruff, deep voice answers:
MARYLAND: Yeah? (YELLING TO SOMEONE) Turn that down! TURN THAT THE [censored] DOWN! I'M ON THE [censored]ING PHONE! What the [censored]? (BACK INTO THE PHONE) Who is this?
JIM DELANY: It's Delany.
MARYLAND: Big Ten Jim Delany?
JIM DELANY: The one and only.
MARYLAND: Well, well, well. And what can I do for you... BIG Jim?
JIM DELANY: I--
Delany burps... and throws up in his mouth a little bit. He quickly swallows it back down.
MARYLAND: Did you just vurp and swallow it?
Uh, oh: Busted.
JIM DELANY: Yes.
MARYLAND: Me, too!
JIM DELANY: See, we're a lot alike. That's why I've been thinking about you. Only you.
MARYLAND: Don't lie to me.
JIM DELANY: Fine. Wanna come over or what?
MARYLAND: Well, I just got off the [Mark May]ter, but I'm DTF. Can you come pick me up?
JIM DELANY: Uh...
MARYLAND: Never mind. I'm good. Let me just find my seatbelt extender.
JIM DELANY: Hurry.
She hangs up and Delany quickly dials one last number:
GROGGY FEMALE VOICE: Hello?
JIM DELANY: Maryland's coming over, you wanna join in?
RUTGERS: I'll be there in 10.
JIM DELANY: Awesome!
The ACC became the target when they inked a deal with ESPN that gave them 1st , 2nd and 3rd tier rights for the 2 major sports all for $ 17 million (per school) that seems paltry to the Big's $ 25 million (Don't forget we are just coming up on our 1st and 2nd tier negotiations, they just completed theirs) With Comcast and Fox as competitors for content to ESPN, look for more dollars heading our way for 1st and 2nd tier games. Add in the increase from adding dollars from the BTN in NY, Baltimore and DC. WOW
1. Geographically Wisky should move to The Legends.
2. That may give Ohio State a recruiting advantage over the B1G Legends Division schools on the east coast. Any comments?
I was thinking more along the lines of Wyoming, Montana, Nevada, and New Mexico or maybe New Mexico State.
The ultimate result would be four 16-team conferences, with two 8-team divisions. That would essentially allow for an 8-team college play-off - the division winners play each other in round one, the four conference champions play in round two, and the two winners play in the championship game.
Oh well, there goes the Illibuck rivalry....
Replace "Big East" with "ACC", and I think you've got a winner.
Separate names with a comma.