If you're Kent State, what strategy do you use this weekend? Do you give any serious consideration to trying to win, or do you just hope for a respectible game?
Personally, I got out there with guns blazing. I think I'd feel like a couple of soldiers at the top of a hill surrounded by a couple dozen enemy soldiers. And fortifying my defenses might extend the length of my position, but I'd feel that it's just a matter of time. I'm running down the hill shooting until I have nothing left to shoot.
1. I remind the players of last week's USC-Stanford game, and the Michigan-Appalachian State game. Kent State beating Ohio State might sound outrageous, but similar outcomes have already been seen this year.
2. Along the lines of Step 1, I secretly hope that Ohio State comes out expecting to sleep-walk, like USC and Michigan did. I say "secretly" because I tell my players that I think that we have a chance to beat the "real" Ohio State team. I make them believe that I believe that, even though I don't. And I don't think that they all believe that, either.
3. I "borrow" a rhinocerous from the Columbus Zoo, and put a Kent State uniform on it. It likely won't be able to stay long without some false starts or offsides penalties, but the mental aspect might give my team a slight edge.
4. Like I said earlier, "guns blazing." First play: deep pass. If the receiver is at all covered, throw it out of bounds. Second play: deep pass. If the receiver is at all covered, throw it out of bounds. If neither of the first two plays was completed, fake the deep pass on the third play and throw to a tight end for 10-15 yards. Throw in plenty of trick plays. I'll throw in plenty of trick plays. I'll invent them on the sideline. Handoff to a pulling tackle, or try some wide receiver passes, or something. And I'll only punt on third down and long. Fourth downs are there for converting them. Or maybe I'll have a play on fourth down where my normal offense runs off the field, and a back-up offense runs on. The Buckeyes will think we're running a punting team on. But we aren't. Then I'll pray that my play works.
5. On defense, I'm just as aggressive. Blitz 8-9 guys sometimes. Maybe one of the blitzers is a magician who pulls pigeons out of his shoes. Boeckman may spend more time trying to figure that out than trying to find an open receiver. That may or may not be a good thing.
6. Do the unexpected. Tell the running back to run over to Tressel and ask for an autographed football. Or, better yet, tell him that one of the trainers is actually Tressel. JT might be annoyed and the trainer might have delusions of grandeur. You never know until you try it.
7. Bribe the scoreboard operator. Closing seconds of the game, Ohio State's and Kent State's scores are magically reversed. I don't see how anyone will ever find out.
8. Try to do replay challenges on really weird things. "Is that squirrel over there a gray squirrel or a brown squirrel?" "I think that referree just picked his nose!" "Hey, Baby, what's your sign?" Eventually, the referees would have more fun considering whether these events fall under any replay guidelines than considering how many yards a penalty is for having a rhinocerous on the field.
9. Two words: Naked Cheerleaders.
10. Ok - a lot of this isn't going to work. But I still come out with guns drawn and ready to fire at the drop of a hat.
Kickoff can't come quick enough eh??? It's stuff like this that helps me pass the time during the week. Funny stuff man!
