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The Admissions Scandal

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article from 2016:


The Man. The Myth. Mossimo.
A lot of us go to college without ever going to class, but Mossimo went to USC without being enrolled at all. He not only convinced his dad that he was a student by falsifying report cards, Mossimo got him to fork over fees with fake tuition bills. In fact, Moss used this seed money to initiate his foray into the T-shirt biz. “SC was expensive, so that was how I was starting my company. I used all that cash,” he declares unapologetically.
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https://sports.theonion.com/ncaa-launches-investigation-into-why-it-wasn-t-making-m-1833381271

NCAA Launches Investigation Into Why It Wasn’t Making Millions Off Recent College Admissions Scandal
Today 1:13pm

INDIANAPOLIS, IN—In a stern indictment of the cash-grabbing scandal that the student athletics organization was somehow kept completely in the dark about, the NCAA announced Monday the launch of an investigation into why it wasn’t making millions off of the recent college admissions controversy. “After the disturbing revelations that massive bribes were being paid out to people other than us, we’re launching an immediate inquiry into how we possibly missed out on this,” said NCAA president Mark Emmert, who claimed it was a “total failure of the system” that they were not raking in cash from wealthy celebrities when universities like Stanford, Yale, and USC were. “As an organization that always strives to squeeze money out of college athletics, I’m disgusted that this all went on right under our noses without us getting so much as a taste. There’s no way there isn’t some desperate millionaire out there willing to pay for his son to be a benchwarmer on a D1 team. To miss out on such a lucrative pay-to-play scheme goes against everything the NCAA stands for.” At press time, the NCAA had fined and suspended dozens of college coaches for not letting them in on the action.
 
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Jagdaddy said:
You saying he was actually motorboating?
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Yachting is a rough equivalent of motorboating. Generally one goes yachting when the jublies aren’t big enough to make the motorboat sound. As such, when one attempts to motorboat and the equipment is insufficient it, like sailing / yachting, is called blow boating.

... and now you know the rest of the story.
 
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Dryden said:
https://sports.theonion.com/ncaa-launches-investigation-into-why-it-wasn-t-making-m-1833381271

NCAA Launches Investigation Into Why It Wasn’t Making Millions Off Recent College Admissions Scandal
Today 1:13pm

INDIANAPOLIS, IN—In a stern indictment of the cash-grabbing scandal that the student athletics organization was somehow kept completely in the dark about, the NCAA announced Monday the launch of an investigation into why it wasn’t making millions off of the recent college admissions controversy. “After the disturbing revelations that massive bribes were being paid out to people other than us, we’re launching an immediate inquiry into how we possibly missed out on this,” said NCAA president Mark Emmert, who claimed it was a “total failure of the system” that they were not raking in cash from wealthy celebrities when universities like Stanford, Yale, and USC were. “As an organization that always strives to squeeze money out of college athletics, I’m disgusted that this all went on right under our noses without us getting so much as a taste. There’s no way there isn’t some desperate millionaire out there willing to pay for his son to be a benchwarmer on a D1 team. To miss out on such a lucrative pay-to-play scheme goes against everything the NCAA stands for.” At press time, the NCAA had fined and suspended dozens of college coaches for not letting them in on the action.
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I unknowingly cross-posted that in the NCAA thread.
 
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